[ it's desperate, almost. sulu knows that. it's clutching for a lifeline, but the lifeline doesn't exist. it's like being down a deep, dark pit and trying to claw his way out, except he can't get any leverage, keeps sliding back down. he's been changed to his foundations. there's not a way to get back. there were already cracks. he spent a month in the dark and the cracks shattered under the pressure.
and sulu can't articulate this. he can't speak about it, can't admit it. that makes it real. everyone must be able to see that something's wrong, but sulu's childish enough to think that denial keeps it from being tangible and permanent. ]
Make sure I'm sleeping, sir?
[ he wishes his voice didn't sound so flat. sulu misses the days when forgetting to sleep was his main concern. these days it's just wreckage as far as the eye can see, and it's almost laughable, how quickly that escalated. ]
no subject
and sulu can't articulate this. he can't speak about it, can't admit it. that makes it real. everyone must be able to see that something's wrong, but sulu's childish enough to think that denial keeps it from being tangible and permanent. ]
Make sure I'm sleeping, sir?
[ he wishes his voice didn't sound so flat. sulu misses the days when forgetting to sleep was his main concern. these days it's just wreckage as far as the eye can see, and it's almost laughable, how quickly that escalated. ]