And is that not my job, really? To save them all, and to place myself secondary? I will not say that...you are charitable, Jehan, to think I cared nothing for myself at the time. I had still hoped, when I told Enjolras that that we would not be caused to have fate collect its debt quite as soon as all of that. I think...it did not come off as well as I had hoped in the moment. So many things did not.
[Really, as far as Combeferre was concerned, when it came to thinking of the barricade and what had come from it, well. It had been mostly hurried; they had made...a lot of mistakes they had not made two years previously. Or he had at least, in the way of what he'd been doing. Enjolras...he doubted HE had been anything less than sure, but his misgivings...]
We WERE quite foolish there, weren't we? I like to think, I hope to think that it was not a useless pledge, that it had something to do with the second republic forming, and the dates make it possible, but all the same... Perhaps I should have listened to myself more, and perhaps you should have done the same. I...hardly mean to criticize you, Jehan, never you. But as someone who did it too...
There are those times like you say, we should have done more to listen to our own consciences. You acted no less valiantly, I don't think. You had still come after all, and there WAS a chance, no matter how unlikely it must have seemed. Perhaps you did know, Jehan, but...I cannot say I blame you for it, only that I wish you had not suffered so much in the end. Bad enough when it was all of us together, but alone...
That's hardly the sort of thing that anyone should suffer, I wouldn't think , whether they knew what to expect or not.
[Was it all right if Combeferre steps over and gives Jehan a hug? Because he wanted to, and he was reaching to gather his friend in his arms now.]
I think...after what we had seen, well, almost anyone would want...in the back of their mind, to find a way out of it. No one can blame you for that. I...would think Bahorel knew too, if it helps at all, at our first charge. We all saw so much pain. Sometimes I think, sometimes I know we did not meet our purpose in the end. It's worrying, is it not?
...We did what we knew at the time though Jehan. Even you. Even going as you did.
[Only now did he release Jehan, but stayed close enough to focus his gaze on the other man.]
I think that even chastising yourself for it is entirely unwarranted here if that helps anything at all.
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[Really, as far as Combeferre was concerned, when it came to thinking of the barricade and what had come from it, well. It had been mostly hurried; they had made...a lot of mistakes they had not made two years previously. Or he had at least, in the way of what he'd been doing. Enjolras...he doubted HE had been anything less than sure, but his misgivings...]
We WERE quite foolish there, weren't we? I like to think, I hope to think that it was not a useless pledge, that it had something to do with the second republic forming, and the dates make it possible, but all the same... Perhaps I should have listened to myself more, and perhaps you should have done the same. I...hardly mean to criticize you, Jehan, never you. But as someone who did it too...
There are those times like you say, we should have done more to listen to our own consciences. You acted no less valiantly, I don't think. You had still come after all, and there WAS a chance, no matter how unlikely it must have seemed. Perhaps you did know, Jehan, but...I cannot say I blame you for it, only that I wish you had not suffered so much in the end. Bad enough when it was all of us together, but alone...
That's hardly the sort of thing that anyone should suffer, I wouldn't think , whether they knew what to expect or not.
[Was it all right if Combeferre steps over and gives Jehan a hug? Because he wanted to, and he was reaching to gather his friend in his arms now.]
I think...after what we had seen, well, almost anyone would want...in the back of their mind, to find a way out of it. No one can blame you for that. I...would think Bahorel knew too, if it helps at all, at our first charge. We all saw so much pain. Sometimes I think, sometimes I know we did not meet our purpose in the end. It's worrying, is it not?
...We did what we knew at the time though Jehan. Even you. Even going as you did.
[Only now did he release Jehan, but stayed close enough to focus his gaze on the other man.]
I think that even chastising yourself for it is entirely unwarranted here if that helps anything at all.