[They had come through it in rather similar ways. that much was true. Combeferre's own thoughts on the whole matter were that, well, much as Bahorel had been a blow, Bahorel had been more a blow to their security, to his sense of such. It had meant that things were far different, that they had changed and were never going to be the same, but it was not the sort of thing he had ever believed was within his capacity to fix or change. Bahorel was Bahorel, and a constant presence who he had known that he would miss, but he was also a constant that...had been bound to fall protecting them in some way at some time. He had been grieved, and honored that their friend had done it but...it had been understandable, as awful as it was.
With Jehan, it had all changed things considerably. Jehan was, even if capable of caring for himself, even in such a situation, (truth be told, Combeferre suspected that when it came to a fight, Jehan could lay him out far easier than he would do the same), someone that Combeferre could have, should have been able to help. It was a situation that he could, yes, fix. He'd been so obsessed with fixing things himself, both in life, then at the barricades, and even now, the thought was his first instinct when someone was in trouble. It had been a situation he had grasped the answer to helping, something he had been in the process of working through a solution for, and well, he still was working through the results of his failure there.
If that had translated to an increased desire to look after Jehan here, as he could, well, as long as Jehan tolerated his attempts, it was at least something that he could do even as it did not change the past. It was a path for the future at least, and that was, well it was something. It would not in any way make up for what he'd done, condoned, and failed to do but it would help a bit.]
Ah irony. And yes we did. Some days it feels like eventually that will be something I can know, more than intellectually. Others it is still elusive. But you are right. It was quite flawed, and even wrong, but we still were acting for the greater right of everything. It can be hard to remember that sometimes.
And there are a few things that I regret as well, but...I would do much of it again, those parts removed. I am...so glad that you are here with us, and we can speak about these things. I do not think the others, even Enjolras would understand in the same way.
[And then his attention shifting at that last bit, his glance changed a little, and he looked up, immediately concerned for Courfeyrac too.]
Oh? He's seemed a bit...subdued of late, I've noticed. What's wrong?
no subject
With Jehan, it had all changed things considerably. Jehan was, even if capable of caring for himself, even in such a situation, (truth be told, Combeferre suspected that when it came to a fight, Jehan could lay him out far easier than he would do the same), someone that Combeferre could have, should have been able to help. It was a situation that he could, yes, fix. He'd been so obsessed with fixing things himself, both in life, then at the barricades, and even now, the thought was his first instinct when someone was in trouble. It had been a situation he had grasped the answer to helping, something he had been in the process of working through a solution for, and well, he still was working through the results of his failure there.
If that had translated to an increased desire to look after Jehan here, as he could, well, as long as Jehan tolerated his attempts, it was at least something that he could do even as it did not change the past. It was a path for the future at least, and that was, well it was something. It would not in any way make up for what he'd done, condoned, and failed to do but it would help a bit.]
Ah irony. And yes we did. Some days it feels like eventually that will be something I can know, more than intellectually. Others it is still elusive. But you are right. It was quite flawed, and even wrong, but we still were acting for the greater right of everything. It can be hard to remember that sometimes.
And there are a few things that I regret as well, but...I would do much of it again, those parts removed. I am...so glad that you are here with us, and we can speak about these things. I do not think the others, even Enjolras would understand in the same way.
[And then his attention shifting at that last bit, his glance changed a little, and he looked up, immediately concerned for Courfeyrac too.]
Oh? He's seemed a bit...subdued of late, I've noticed. What's wrong?