[Any other day and he might lean against the hand on his cheek. Any other day and he'd be quicker to fight this feeling down, to smile at her and dismiss it, put it all away until later. Emotion isn't something he usually has time for. Comfort, he doesn't need comfort, even if it's from someone he likes a great deal.
But today, it's not any other day. The anger that had seized him only a moment ago has not faded--it's there, hot, working at him--but there's a numbness, too, that spreads through him, and when he thinks of leaving, going out into the ship, going back to his room where James and Remus both ought to be--]
I can't leave.
[Can't. He hates that word. What kind of coward can't face up to this? Because he will have to face it, and soon. His eyes flick over Lucrezia's shoulder, staring beyond her, like maybe James will still come around the corner--but he won't, and the twist of pain deep in Sirius' chest renews his anger.]
You don't have to. You've got-- people, you've-- [It's a stupid protest. He sets his teeth together and shuts his eyes, a moment, breathes out, harshly.] I can't leave yet.
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But today, it's not any other day. The anger that had seized him only a moment ago has not faded--it's there, hot, working at him--but there's a numbness, too, that spreads through him, and when he thinks of leaving, going out into the ship, going back to his room where James and Remus both ought to be--]
I can't leave.
[Can't. He hates that word. What kind of coward can't face up to this? Because he will have to face it, and soon. His eyes flick over Lucrezia's shoulder, staring beyond her, like maybe James will still come around the corner--but he won't, and the twist of pain deep in Sirius' chest renews his anger.]
You don't have to. You've got-- people, you've-- [It's a stupid protest. He sets his teeth together and shuts his eyes, a moment, breathes out, harshly.] I can't leave yet.