ataraxionlogs | open-ish | i'm just trying to find my way to you

( there are a lot of things about the tranquility that are pretty bad, pretty fucked up. there's a lot of reasons to hate this place, to want to leave it, to resent being here. there's a lot of dangers here, some uniquely ship-based and others the product of putting so many disparate people in an enclosed space and letting some nasty hybrid of mob rule and the bystander effect dictate the outcome.

ilde knows this. but--

even in her own home, ilde didn't have the luxury of just sitting down by a stream and trying things for the sake of trying them. for the sheer joy of how it feels when she masters something - just because she can, and why shouldn't she? people might look askance, here, but it's not the same as what she knows to fear in a majority catholic country like the one in which she's raising children the vatican calls abominations in the eyes of the lord. she won't remember this, when she goes home. if she goes home, again.

if all there is in this place is all there is from this place, then screw it. she'll hone the gifts that have kept her alive - she'd quite like to continue staying alive - but she has elbow-room aboard this miserable ship that the south of france is lacking. when she coaxes the water up from where it runs to form a flat mirror in front of her, when she impresses an illusion of her own face on that water as if it were a mirror, there's not a lot of practical value in what she's doing.

also, the faux-reflection isn't mirrored, which any minute now is what she's going to realize looks slightly off about it. )

[ For the most part, Emma has never been big on nature. Every once in a while, she’d come by the gardens to remember what it felt like to be outside (even if the gardens weren’t truly outside), but she was mostly content to hang out in the more habitable areas of the ship.

When Graham left, that changed.

She heads down every week or so because she can remember while she’s there.

This week, she notices someone else on her usual route, and hesitates just at the edge of hearing to watch, unwilling to interrupt. She’s doing something at the stream, but Emma can’t see what. She tries to keep quiet as she approaches, peering at the water. ]

( if it were an actual mirror, ilde would see emma behind her rather than just - sort of feel her presence, which is the actual reason why she turns. if some vampires are like a half-finished melody, emma is like a peal of silver bells, and that's a little weird, frankly. although she's not going to lead with 'i have never encountered magic that feels more like NICE THINGS than you', that will definitely make her sound like the weird one. )

Sorry, hello?

( the image of herself, visible over her shoulder in the water that is starting to waver as her attention shifts away from it, doesn't move. )

Hi. Uh.

[ Caught, her brow furrows and Emma stops mid-stride, breath choking in her throat. What does she say? ]

Sorry. You’re … busy, I’ll keep going.

[ She holds up her hands in apology. If someone intruded on her minute alone back here, she’d be pretty pissed about it. It’s a wonder the lady hasn’t hurled a fireball at her—because, yeah, that’s definitely magic going on. ]

( well, that would be rude.

... not that ilde is incapable of such rudeness, but the lesson of 'don't blatantly display aggressive magic as a first resort, you don't know who's going to witness it and kill your family' is one that once-learned is rarely forgotten. self-preservation taught her restraint where just 'it's morally wrong to force people to do what you want because you feel like it' probably wouldn't have.

she - smiles, instead, a bit tentative. more specifically to soothe than because she's so friendly: )

No- hey, it's fine. I'm just fucking around. Look, she thinks it's fine, too--

( the widens its eyes and nods terribly solemnly, and for a moment they're perfectly in concert. then ilde breaks off and laughs, )

I'm sorry, that was probably creepy.

Uhhh.

[ Emma leans back. Well, since she pointed it out, it’s probably okay to agree, right? Tilting her head in acknowledgment, reluctant though it may be, she nods and forces herself to take a few steps closer. ]

Little bit.

[ She crouches, squinting at the image. ]

How’d you do that?

( she dispels the illusion with a thought - or the absence of one, in a manner of speaking - and a moment later lets go of the water, as well. it drops back into the stream as if she'd never tampered with it in the first place, and she shrugs-- )

It's nothing too complex. I know what I look like. I just... ( this is the downside of not being properly taught how to do anything; she lacks the language to explain it, later. ) Illusions are easy.

[ Of course she’d say so. A dry sort of smile crosses Emma’s face, the kind that says her experience is something different. The same smile she drums up when people talk about their families. She hasn’t been around magic her whole life: it’s this whole, enormous part of her that she’s just barely beginning to understand. Nothing about it is easy. ]

More complex than I’ve worked out how to do.

( off emma's expression, ilde laughs - not unkindly. wry, more; knowing. she only has a few years advantage on emma, and the freedom to explore and discuss it in safety is a new thing, as opposed to hoping like hell she's not doing it too wrong. instinct guides most of what she gets right. )

Well, you ask me to cast a spell or something, it's going to turn out a little differently. Don't give me too much credit, here, I'm making it up as I go along.

Is that how it usually goes where you're from?

[ Not by the sound of it, but Emma feels the need to clarify. ]

( a slightly awkward shrug - this is something that's come up more and more, lately, and she's had to suck it up and get used to talking straightforwardly about old family scandals that even now her father's loyalty to his adopted parents makes him really wish she wouldn't talk about. )

We were adopted out of the family, so-- I think most people pick it up from their parents.

[ Her gaze drops instantly. ]

Guess I wouldn’t know either way.

[ Even if she had grown up with her parents, she knows, she still wouldn’t have had the opportunity to learn magic from them: they didn’t know how to use it, or even have magic inside of them. And yet, it’s hard not to take that as a harsh reminder of what she missed out on. ]

Neither would I. ( ilde's father hasn't got a fucking clue - he's more powerful than she is, but far less knowledgeable. it's a willful ignorance, now, but it wasn't always; he believed that they were human for much longer than she did. )

I honestly don't know how it usually goes, to be honest. I'd guess that's how, that makes sense.

[ For her, maybe. ]

Don’t take this the wrong way, but … What are you?

[ Because as she understands it, most people don’t come by magic naturally. They have to learn it. It’s not just one more thing that every parent teaches their kid, after potty-training and the value of hard work. ]

( wryly, ) Frankly, I'm just pleased I know the answer.

( #magicmakesurlifeweird )

My great-great-grandfather was a rhinelord - a kind of Germanic fresh water fairy. Sort of like a mermaid or a siren, but not the same as. So I'm a rhinemaiden. A river nymph.

( ilde does magic because she is magic. there are elements of it that require the kind of learning emma is thinking of - ilde isn't going to turn into a true fae sorceress by inclination - but other things that humans would have to learn are instinctive to her in the same way she learned how to walk and doesn't have to think about breathing all the time. it's her nature. )

Edited 2014-09-16 05:34 (UTC)

A … fairy?

[ She grimaces. Not that fairy’s bad, but rather that she a.) didn’t know fairies were popping out children, b.) realizes that’s pretty much one of the weirdest answers she could have gotten. ]

So, not the kind with the … dust, and the— [ She waves vaguely to indicate a wand. ]

( slightly entertained, in spite of herself-- )

Hang on.

( illusions, remember? ilde can just show her what aelfraed looks like; it takes concentration, especially because she's only ever seen him on video and she is sort of ballparking his height compared to gervase's, but...

aelfraed stands easily over six foot tall, athletically muscular, dark-haired. dark-eyed, too, blue-black and solidly coloured; his hair, loose, obscures the details but where you might expect ears to poke out, there are none. his skin gleams like mother of pearl, and his clothes - outmoded by more than decades but terribly fine - are damp enough to define a figure you don't generally associate with dancing magical fairies.

but maybe one that explains the popping out babies thing.

his expression, mildly incredulous and slightly superior, is just mostly what his face does in gervase's videos. oh my god why are my progeny so stupid. oh my god why do my progeny keep fucking witches. why are you talking to me about 'mules', gervase, obviously my children will be FERTILE AND STRONG, i care not for your 'genetics' and 'species compatibility'!! )

[ Leaning back slightly as the illusion takes full form and size, Emma’s eyebrows raise in a way like wow yeah that explains literally everything. Her jaw slackens slightly, but she catches on quick enough to shut it, no longer gaping like a fish. After a beat, she nods. ]

So definitely not the dust kind.

( what can she say, good genes. no wonder her father's such a successful ho.

...yep. ilde dispels the illusion, with a little quirk of a grin. )

Probably impractical underwater.

I thought you said nymph, not mermaid.

[ Just trying to figure out the distinctions here ok. ]

Okay, so mermaids and sirens are salt water. Sea creatures. Nymphs, rhinemaidens - kind of like the equivalent for fresh water. You don't get nymphs in the sea and you don't get mermaids in a lake.

( a pause. )

I don't know how similar, exactly, there are probably more differences than just where we're made for, but I know a lot of the same things hold true.

Like different species of fish. [ She squints a little because it's strange to compare people to that, but it does make sense. She nods. ] So ... What about the Lady of the Lake? That kind of thing? [ Because she was In The Book which means she's Something. ]

Kind of like. ( it's funny because it's true. and, you know, both ilde and mermaids sometimes have tails, it's a thing. ) I'd guess someone like that might be more...some kind of spirit? I don't know, I'm--

( very wry: ) I'm a little new to this. Still.

Really?

[ She makes no attempt to hide her surprise; after all, new or not, this woman seems to know a great deal more about all of this magic stuff than Emma does. Then again, that could just as easily be a willingness to learn rather than a difference in exposure period. ]

Seven years ago, I didn't believe in fairies, ( a little dryly. boy was that some kind of irony, in retrospect. )

the gardens | get custody, get cats, enter supreme courts of justice, argue with god.

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