As inspirational speeches go, it's not exactly the best. It works with shared failure, and what's inspirational about that? Because that's what Benny means, he knows it. You're not the only one, and that only deepens that empty feeling in Mitchell. His shoulders hunched, he laughs again, once, low and miserable.
"Christ, mate. I didn't fall. I jumped. I chose it. I killed-- twenty people, twenty defenseless fucking people, and then I came here and I pretended like I hadn't. Like it didn't matter. And it worked, and I thought I had it. It was my friends, I was accountable to them, and it was enough. And then--"
He thinks of Sally, that savage bite to her throat--and Kate, on the floor in the pool of her own blood, and he'd fucking left her for dead--Hook, the sharp tear of that bullet, it wouldn't have stopped him if he'd let it--Peter, waiting till he was this easy fucking target and going for him--and Ellie, before any of them, she was a fucking kid, he'd have killed her if he had the chance--and the pirate girl, months, and months ago, she'd screamed so loud--
He shoves his fingers through his hair again, gripping tight, like that's going to do anything. "It wasn't enough." Misery strains those words, forced out from between his teeth. "It wasn't enough. There's nothing out there that stops it. Being accountable--Jesus, that's just words. That's nothing. What the hell are you accountable to, that keeps you so fucking good."
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"Christ, mate. I didn't fall. I jumped. I chose it. I killed-- twenty people, twenty defenseless fucking people, and then I came here and I pretended like I hadn't. Like it didn't matter. And it worked, and I thought I had it. It was my friends, I was accountable to them, and it was enough. And then--"
He thinks of Sally, that savage bite to her throat--and Kate, on the floor in the pool of her own blood, and he'd fucking left her for dead--Hook, the sharp tear of that bullet, it wouldn't have stopped him if he'd let it--Peter, waiting till he was this easy fucking target and going for him--and Ellie, before any of them, she was a fucking kid, he'd have killed her if he had the chance--and the pirate girl, months, and months ago, she'd screamed so loud--
He shoves his fingers through his hair again, gripping tight, like that's going to do anything. "It wasn't enough." Misery strains those words, forced out from between his teeth. "It wasn't enough. There's nothing out there that stops it. Being accountable--Jesus, that's just words. That's nothing. What the hell are you accountable to, that keeps you so fucking good."