Any lighthearted humor and snappy snark got stuck on the back of his throat when Alex said that little word, still strange for him to hear even now. Not many people ever thanked him. Hell, not many had a reason to thank him. That was then.
Murphy breathed in, and exhaled through his nose. His hands folded between his knees as he leaned forward, not feeling like he was looking at anything anymore. "I haven't... always made some of the best decisions. I mean, when my son was born, the last thing I ever thought I'd have to worry about was puttin' him in the ground. It's supposed to be the other way around, y'know? And it... ruined me for the longest time. Shit, it's been years, and I'm... I'm still a mess. Hard to think that anyone could put up with me, after bein' left by what few friends and family I had. Can't say I blamed anyone for it, though." Murphy paused, tilting his head a little. "Guess what I mean to say is, I don't wanna let anyone down again, either. I'll carry 'em kicking and screaming if I have to, but I've decided I'm never gonna leave anyone behind. Don't think I could ever live through that again."
His shoulders dropped, a somewhat defeated feeling anchoring him to that pew. He normally hated talking like this, because it never did anyone good before, least of all to Murphy himself. Maybe it was the setting itself that enticed the honesty out of him.
He didn't know for certain. All he had was his guilt and the path that moved forward.
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"Hardly, but I appreciate the sentiment."
But he'd take the compliment. Sort of.
Any lighthearted humor and snappy snark got stuck on the back of his throat when Alex said that little word, still strange for him to hear even now. Not many people ever thanked him. Hell, not many had a reason to thank him. That was then.
Murphy breathed in, and exhaled through his nose. His hands folded between his knees as he leaned forward, not feeling like he was looking at anything anymore. "I haven't... always made some of the best decisions. I mean, when my son was born, the last thing I ever thought I'd have to worry about was puttin' him in the ground. It's supposed to be the other way around, y'know? And it... ruined me for the longest time. Shit, it's been years, and I'm... I'm still a mess. Hard to think that anyone could put up with me, after bein' left by what few friends and family I had. Can't say I blamed anyone for it, though." Murphy paused, tilting his head a little. "Guess what I mean to say is, I don't wanna let anyone down again, either. I'll carry 'em kicking and screaming if I have to, but I've decided I'm never gonna leave anyone behind. Don't think I could ever live through that again."
His shoulders dropped, a somewhat defeated feeling anchoring him to that pew. He normally hated talking like this, because it never did anyone good before, least of all to Murphy himself. Maybe it was the setting itself that enticed the honesty out of him.
He didn't know for certain. All he had was his guilt and the path that moved forward.