mr chainsaww came an took my legs a long long time ago

[uncodlyawwesome]

CHARACTERS: Starring Eridan Ampora as "The Stupidest Hipster Douchebag Ever" and Kanaya Maryam as "The Righteously Justified Rainbow Drinker", with guest stars Tavros "Innocent Bystander" Nitram, Jack "I'll Be Your Hero Baby" Harkness and Ianto "Keep Calm and Be Bloody Welsh" Jones.
LOCATION: Some lonesome common area, then several hallways at a fast clip and then Eridan's room. And maybe some other places if Eridan needs to hide or something, IDK.
WARNINGS: Excessive troll logic, lots of swearing, talk about death/violent and bloody murders, and possibly some blood, we'll see.
SUMMARY: Eridan is going to "make amends" with Kanaya, who is going to wait for him so she can stab him with a chainsaw.
NOTES: Basically happening right after this thread's conclusion.


There's a debate raging inside Eridan Ampora as he makes his way to the common area he'd told Kanaya to meet him at. On the one hand, he knows that he's walking right into one of the most uncomfortable situations he will ever have to deal with in his life, and he loathes uncomfortable situations; on the other hand, he's sure that if he just lays out the facts for Kanaya - who obviously is from a time before Eridan's massive freakout, because otherwise she wouldn't be nearly so willing to see him - she'll understand and forgive him preemptively for something he hasn't done to her yet.

It seems like a good trade off - at least, it seems good enough, considering the situation he's in on this stupid ship. It had been good while it lasted, being the only real troll - or at least, the only troll anyone really talked to, other than the weird mutant adult - because he'd been able to just pretend most of the shit he'd done and been through just plain hadn't happened. (He knows full well that it all happened, but he's nothing if not stunningly stubborn.)

He has to loosen his scarf from his throat two times during his walk down the halls to the common area, because he just can't stop toying with it. She's going to see it bloodied and sliced to half its usual length and he's not sure how he's going to explain that all to her. When he reaches the common area, he's come up with a pretty good explanation - "you were going for Gamzee and I got in the way" - and oh she's already here.

Oh and she's glowing oh shit oh shit.

Comments

[uncodlyawwesome]

Those were both completely true. He would have tried to explain it, and he would have glossed over what he'd done - but he knew he wouldn't have been able to keep the words vomiting from his mouth because he'd already failed to hide the fact that he'd killed Fef from Jade, and how could he ever hope to keep the fact that he'd killed Kan from Kanaya herself?

And the matriorb. No. That, he would have glossed over. That, he wouldn't have mentioned at all, until she'd asked. If she'd asked. (Of course she would have asked, and then what would you have done, you stupid, moronic, blathering-)

"I - I don't. No, I wwould'a... I wwould'a told you, I wwas plannin' on it already - shit, Kan." He held up his hands, half-heartedly, like telling her to lay off the chainsaw before it even made an appearance. Let me try to figure out what to say, here. "You didn't sound like you kneww wwhat - uh, wwhat happened, an' I didn't think it wwas fuckin' fair'a me to... not tell you. But you said you didn't knoww wwhat I wwas apologizin' for, an' I'd already started apologizin', an' I can't just leavve it at that-"

He could hear his words losing control of themselves, but it was nearly impossible to try to rein them in. "But you knoww, so I don't havve to tell you wwhat I wwas apologizin' for in the first place," he finished, weakly, dropping one of his hands (but not both, because he wasn't that uncautious). "I...."

Shit. Fucking shit.

"...I didn't mean to."

[vestalvogue]

If he thought that would appease Kanaya, Eridan was dead wrong. On the contrary, he probably could not have chosen a worse way to conclude his attempt at making amends. Perhaps, if he could have managed to actually take responsibility for his actions, she might have calmed down again. Stayed cold, and composed, and handled this with the rational dignity she tried to comport herself with when handling things. The urge to smash his stupid glasses right where they sat on his face would not have been as strong, at least.

"No of course you did not mean to," she snapped, her body pulling forward and her shoulders bunching as though she meant to take a running leap for his throat. "You never mean to be offensive or thoughtless but the truth is you care not one whit more than you have to about anything and your motivations are entirely selfish AS ALWAYS."

And he thought it would work, did he, he thought she would roll over and forgive him, poor, stupid, obliging Kanaya, she'd always been there before.

"You meant to up until the point it became inconvenient for you to be a murderer and I have no forgiveness for you just because you decided it was more convenient to intend otherwise." She was clutching her lipstick very hard, now, practically shaking the bloody cape at him with the other. "That is not an apology. That is an excuse. I'm not having it. If you really want to apologize- and understand I am extremely skeptical on this point- say something sincere and meaningful for once in your overly privileged life. Which is one chance more than you deserve to have from me at this point given the crimes you have committed."

[uncodlyawwesome]

The problem with Kanaya's request - the real problem that Eridan had - wasn't the idea of apologizing. He could handle that. He'd come to Kanaya intending to do exactly that. It was the fact that he wasn't sure how to do it. He had no idea how to sincerely apologize for something of such a magnitude. He'd never had to apologize for his behavior before, and honestly, he'd expected saying I didn't mean it would have had some kind of beneficial effect on Kanaya's mood.

He didn't know how to sincerely apologize for anything, and he barely knew the difference between an apology and an excuse. No - that wasn't right. The truth was, now that he was thinking of it, he really didn't know what the difference between the two were. He had no fucking clue - why would you apologize without offering some kind of rationalization for your actions? Why wouldn't you try to explain yourself?

"I..." Eridan really didn't like feeling this lost for words. He wanted to be able to just tell Kanaya what she wanted to hear, because the way she was looking at him, he had about five fucking seconds before she whipped out her chainsaw. He needed to make this count, and he needed to do it now, before she gave up on him (which she has every right to do, after all), declared him exactly what he fucking was and came after him. He wondered if he could outrun her. Shit. Could he?

Shit.

"...I don't knoww wwhat to say." His shoulders slumped and he dropped his hand as much as he felt comfortable doing. "I didn't fuckin' mean to, I really fuckin' didn't. I don't knoww howw to make it any fuckin' clearer to you guys, I nevver meant to get so fuckin' carried awway. But I'm not - ugh. I'm not tryin' to excuse myself! I knoww wwhat I did wwas fuckin'... just... unconscionable, but I..." Had no idea how to properly begin to convey that in a way that Kanaya would believe.

[vestalvogue]

"And yet you are still saying it." It was getting harder and harder to hold in her irritation now. She didn't want to hear about how he didn't mean it. That was the sort of thing she heard from Eridan thousands of times over the sweeps of knowing him, whenever he dramatically fucked something up and wanted to fix it.

Perhaps if she'd been in a bit of a calmer mood she'd have explained it to him, with great exasperation. Perhaps if he hadn't murdered her, and destroyed the Matriorb right before her eyes, she'd have been a bit more charitable.

Her fingers flicked at her lipstick, and there was the chainsaw, still splattered with the bright purple remnants of his blood. "But you what, Eridan, but you did it anyway regardless of how unconscionable it is?"

She had precisely one shred of patience left, and if he didn't find something that was not letting himself out of taking responsibility for his own actions soon, it was going to snap. And then she would- she would- do whatever her instinct commanded her to do, whether that was sawing him in half again or sucking the blood out of his pathetic body or just smack some sense into him until he buckled and gave her a real apology-

- that seemed extremely unlikely with the way her chest was heaving with furious breaths and her teeth were on display, though.

[uncodlyawwesome]

The moment Kanaya pulled out her chainsaw, Eridan's hands were back up in front of him, moving backwards hastily. "Holy shit, Kan, let's not fuckin' start this shit again!" In their universe, there'd been dreambubbles - there'd been ways to live past death - but here...

Here, he was pretty sure that death was a one-time thing, and you didn't get a dreamself to do over with. "But I don't knoww wwhat you wwant to hear me say! I'm fuckin' sorry, I got carried awway thinkin' about howw fucked wwe wwere an' I wwent a little fuckin' crazy!" He was running his mouth now, and like all word vomit, it was coming up whether or not he tried to swallow it back down. "Let's not forget that I'm kinda fuckin' biologically unstable here, Kan! An' then Fef up an' left me an' wwouldn't listen to me because fuckin' Sollux wwas around, an' wwhat wwas I supposed to do?!"

He already knew the answer to that one, but there wasn't really a way to take it back or elaborate on it, and so he just threw his hands to his mouth in a horribly failed attempt to drag those words back in. Shit, shit! "-I didn't mean that, I meant that it just - happened wwithout me thinkin', just like evverythin' else I do-"