John Blake (
learnedtosmile) wrote in
ataraxionlogs2012-09-14 08:27 pm
Entry tags:
(no subject)
CHARACTERS: John Blake (
learnedtosmile), Ariadne (
constructum), Wichita (
cons) if she wants to threadjack at some point possibly!
LOCATION: The bar!
WARNINGS: Possibly discussions of death/homicide/maybe suicide???
SUMMARY: Blake noticed Ariadne's kind of going off the deep end. He thinks maybe a little chat over a beer might help.
NOTES: After this.
Blake was a little worried about Ariadne - and, okay, maybe he felt a bit responsible, too, after their first meeting so upset her. Either way, it was obvious to him that she wasn't dealing well with the loss of her friend. He knew what that was like, so he'd offered to take her out for a drink, maybe talk about it a little.
He hated talking about himself, especially hated talking about the things he'd been through, losing his parents, with people who hadn't experienced that kind of loss. But he also knew that sometimes it was good to be reminded you weren't alone. So that was why he found himself outside the bar tonight waiting for her, hands in his pockets.
LOCATION: The bar!
WARNINGS: Possibly discussions of death/homicide/maybe suicide???
SUMMARY: Blake noticed Ariadne's kind of going off the deep end. He thinks maybe a little chat over a beer might help.
NOTES: After this.
Blake was a little worried about Ariadne - and, okay, maybe he felt a bit responsible, too, after their first meeting so upset her. Either way, it was obvious to him that she wasn't dealing well with the loss of her friend. He knew what that was like, so he'd offered to take her out for a drink, maybe talk about it a little.
He hated talking about himself, especially hated talking about the things he'd been through, losing his parents, with people who hadn't experienced that kind of loss. But he also knew that sometimes it was good to be reminded you weren't alone. So that was why he found himself outside the bar tonight waiting for her, hands in his pockets.

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So at his request, she agreed - even if she wasn't a big drinker - she figured she owed it to him for the way she was behaving after all. Because really, she honestly knew she was not dealing with things the way that she should, and being able to get most of it off her chest with Tyke just before the jump honestly helped her to see that much.
And so a few minutes after the set time (1900 hours apparently) she was rounding the corner towards the club, her hands shoved in her pockets of her jeans, as her thumb brushed over her now pointless totem, spotting him as she did.
"Hey." She called out casually as she continued on towards him, looking slightly apologetic for just a brief moment. "Sorry I'm late - I realize how long it would take to get here from my room." As obviously she wasn't a patron at the club very often (if ever) the need to time the distance between there and her room never seemed that important to her.
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This wasn't fun, really. That wasn't why he was here, but even so, even knowing what he planned to talk to her about, his shoulders still relaxed a little. For some reason, he was becoming comfortable around Ariadne. Maybe enough to almost call her a friend.
He got them a couple of beers (or what passed for beer on a space ship, and found a table away from anyone else who was there. This conversation was to be private, just between them.
"You've been doing okay, since the jump?" he asked, taking a sip of his drink. It wasn't fantastic, but it was alcoholic. He could use the liquid courage.
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A sigh escaped her, as her attention moving back onto him as she offered him a faint smile, asking in hopes of changing the subject in a sense. "…how about you?"
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But in her mind, she was dealing with things people just wouldn't understand, so getting into it honestly seemed to be a waste. "Seriously John, it's...I'll be okay." She attempted to stress as her attention went down to her drink, as a small frown tugged at the corner of her mouth.
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He glanced at her and took a swig of his beer. "I won't try to tell you not to be angry. I won't try to tell you how to deal with your loss. Your friend, I mean, who died here. Everybody deals with that in different ways. But you're not alone, you know, and you don't have to push away everyone who cares about you."
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As her whole world had now been flipped upside down and she just didn't know how to deal with it anymore.
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Blake studied her for a moment, then nodded, almost to himself, before he started speaking again. "I don't remember much about when my mother died. I was small - three years old or so. I didn't understand what was going on. My father did his best, but times were tough, and he was a working-class single dad. When he got fired from a job, he drank and went gambling. He couldn't afford babysitters, so he took me with him a lot.
"I was eight when he was gunned down, over a gambling debt. I saw it happen. I saw the bookie shoot him, bam-bam, two rounds right in the chest. He died while I watched." He wasn't even looking at Ariadne, he was staring at his beer, but he obviously wasn't seeing the bottle.
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Sure she wanted to say she was sorry for his loss (it was a standard thing to say), but she didn't, because even she knew saying that honestly wouldn't change much of anything for him. So instead she just sighed faintly, as her hand started to unconsciously rub at the back of her neck.
"What happened to you then?" She carefully asked, as she looked up at him with a clear look of uncertainty. Honestly wondering what his life must have been like from then on.
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It was why he didn't talk about this with just anyone. Why even his partner hadn't known much about him - hadn't known where he'd spent most of his formative years.
So he smiled - maybe a little wry - and looked at her again. "Well, that's an interesting story. I didn't have any other family, so I got put into the system. Shuffled around a few foster homes. I was still pretty young, though too old for anyone to want to adopt me, and of course, orphans always get a lot of sympathy - at least, when we're paraded in front of the rich folks at parties and such. But they don't like to think about how the kid might actually be affected by losing their parents, you know? So I'd be in one foster home for a few weeks, and when I wouldn't stop being sullen and difficult and anti-social, they would toss me out again.
"That happened, oh, three or four times. Then they realized foster homes weren't working, so they put me in a boys' home. By that time, I was thirteen, and pissed off at the whole damn world."
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So she sighed in silent consideration over it all, letting her attention slowly focus back down on to the table and the set of drinks, as she lost herself in her own thoughts for a moment. Knowing full well; she would never understand what he must of went through (frankly, she shouldn't even try to pretend that she did) but there was a part of her that only could wonder about the emotions that were involved in it. In turn, honestly causing her to wonder; just what might relate to her in some small way. (All the anger, sadness, frustration and hopelessness that could only be a part of that type of thing - she honestly knew those feelings now – or at least she thought she did.)
"So what did you do?" She quietly asked as she looked back up at him with a clear uncertainty, finally reaching for her drink and toying with the rim of the glass.
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That wasn't at all what he was trying to do here, and her simple question almost made him smile a little. He liked that question, he liked that she still wasn't bothering to apologize, or pick apart his feelings. Just curious as to what he did.
"I lashed out a lot, at people who were trying to help. I met a guy, he's a priest. Father Reilly, he ran the boys' home where I ended up at. He was the first person who didn't let me push him away. No matter how many times I told him to fuck off, he just kept coming back, never asking anything of me that I couldn't give. Just letting me know that someone gave a crap. And eventually, he taught me something that changed things for me.
"He taught me that I didn't have to try and stop being angry. He taught me that it's okay to feel that way, and he taught me that I have a choice - I can decide what to do with those feelings. If I wanted to push everyone away, lash out at people, I could. Or I could turn those feelings to other things. Maybe things that would help others. Things that might do good."
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Knowing she knew he was dealing with things fairly well here - or at least he appeared to be on the surface - but part of her wondered just how much of that was an actual act to hide everything else he was dealing with. Because like it or not, she knew he knew she was having her own issues, so if she could at least try to find some commonality with the two here, it would only maybe help in some way and she wouldn’t seem so skeptical. (maybe)
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She still didn't know what his life had been like back in Gotham the past few months, he wasn't sure he wanted to dump that on her, too. But he was handling the ship okay, as long as he kept busy. As long as he didn't have to think about it too much.
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"I help when I can." She quietly pointed out with a small shrug, looking back up at him with a furrowed brow. "I made the maps after all." And those maps are what people have used to get lost here, which really doesn't reassure her much on how helpful she is being (but she'll never admit that).
"But making a difference here is honestly a lot harder then it appears." She continued, again shrugging slightly as she took a long swing of her drink - cringing at the taste yet again, before she was sighing deeply and quietly adding: "I want to help, I do. I just don't know how to anymore." And that was the truth, and it scared her (her expression said that much loud and clear). Because she was always the type of person that was willing to take a chance on things - go with her gut - and never give up. But now with things unfolding the way they were, it was honestly becoming harder and harder to do.
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"I like your idea of floor monitors, you know. And I'd be willing to lend a hand with that, if you want, my offer still stands on that front. Anyway, you don't have to take any of this as advice on how you should be handling your life. I don't make a habit of telling people how they should handle grief and trauma. That's a personal thing, and I'm not a psychiatrist. I just thought you seemed like you could use a reminder that you're not alone."
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"I'm not a people person, John." She said hesitantly as she took another sip of her drink, knowing it was somewhat of a lie, but in a sense, not. As she clearly was holding most people she considered to be friends even at arm’s length here - mostly due to her fear of abandonment (something she had clearly learned over time here). "So yeah, maybe I could find something to focus my energy on something like you said." She shrugged, her hand going to unconsciously start to rub at the back of her neck. "I mean, I like the monitor or something along those lines..." Though having Tyke not fully on board with it was making it a bit harder for her to figure out how to do, as she clearly meant a lot to Ariadne and didn’t want to lose her respect.
"But I'm not sure what good it's going to do" She sadly admitted with a frown, letting her attention drift on all that was around them again, quietly trying to find the words to her thoughts as she did.
"Because it won’t change the fact; I'm scared and I'm honestly tired of lying and pretending things are okay when they’re not." Or at least she was starting to feel that way, and she knew sooner or later things were going to catch up with her because of it.
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He shrugged a little and sipped at his beer. "We're all scared. This is a shitty situation. But we can still make choices about what to do with it."
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"But whatever…" She shrugged, trying to take the focus off of her and her issues and moving it onto something else. "Maybe I'll go watch you play basketball or something."
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Basically: if she wanted to tell him what she was getting at, she could. But he wasn't going to push it.
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"Yeah, yeah I am." She admitted, falling silent as she grabbed for her drink, taking a long swig of it, before she continued. "No one told me how I was supposed to be before all of this happened. So I'm learning as I go." Which was cryptic enough she figured, but it was truth in a sense. No one told her how she was supposed to deal with this type of thing.
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She stopped again shrugging as she finished off her drink, adding almost with a sigh: "I'm a good person, John, I am. I'm just someone that has to live a lie that I'm just not used to doing." Not that she was lying to him (she never had) it was just that, along with everything she had been dealing with her, she was having to figure out how to keep her lies up as well and it was honestly becoming frustrating.
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His head tilted again, his brow furrowing as she continued. "I'm sure you are a good person. But what kind of lie are you living? It sounds like there's something weighing on your conscience. What's going on?"
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"We're not all on the same page, John. That's the thing." She started to say as her brow furrowed slightly more. "I spent roughly nine months - or however long it was before you showed up - thinking this was a damn dream and that I would wake up from it." She finally admitted with a clear certainty to her words, just wanting to prove how serious she was about it. "And even that the people here weren’t real." Which could very well sound crazy, and she knows that, but she wasn't really about to fully go into details about it all - he didn't need that put on him after all.
"So yeah, I have a lot weighing on my mind now, John." She admitted with a small frown in frustration at just how true it was. "Because everything that I thought was a lie and just a damn dream, well it isn't now. And I can't tell anyone about it because they won’t understand what it's like."
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"And Arthur - he was from your world, too?" he heard himself ask. "So you can't talk to him about it anymore. That must be very difficult for you." He nodded. "I won't pretend to understand what that feels like, but I'm happy to listen if you need to talk." He thought it was only fair.
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"Yeah, yeah he was." She admitted sadly, shrugging her shoulder just some. "But yeah, I'll keep it in mind - talking that is. No one really knows about it - and I'd like to keep it that way - so it's nice to know I can at least be honest with you." And she smiled just slightly, but more honestly then she had in a long time, as it was nice to have someone offer to listen to her like that.
"I mean, I'm glad you told me about things. It does help after all. And it does mean a lot to me." She may not fully understand what it's like for him, but knowing he wasn't just some perfect cop that took pity on her helped her out.
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But he had to admit, he was starting to feel comfortable with her - relaxed. That he could trust her.
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Whistling loudly.
While wearing her sombrero.
( It's practically her work uniform now, don't judge. )
She didn't think anyone would even be in here, usually when people help themselves to the booze when neither she nor Brian are there, they leave with it. So her boot scuffs a bit when she rounds the door and steps inside, stops whistling and hums, a quick shock from oh, people. But then she's cracking a grin.
"Wow, if it isn't literally the last two people I would ever expect to find hanging out in my bar, with drinks in their hands." It's probably annoying, how amused she is, but at least she isn't heading over to turn on the music first. Nah, they were obviously talking before she came in, so she leaves it alone for now.
"Evening, officer." Big charming smile! "Ariadne." Said smile shifts into the kind of smirk that happens whenever Wichita feels that triumphant moment of caught you, oolala. But again, mostly in jest, she's just in a good mood. "Hey wait, is that a smi- Are you smiling, John? I'll be damned, that's gotta be the first time I've ever seen you smile. How'd that happen?" Like it's some insane, rare occurrence.
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Still, it could've been worse. If Selina Kyle had decided to walk in? Blake might've actually tried to slide to the floor under the table. As it was, he took it in stride as much as he could.
"A bar is neutral territory," he pointed out, leaning back in his seat a little to give the impression of relaxation - despite the fact that most of their conversation had been far from relaxing. "Sometimes even I need a little liquid courage. Maybe it makes me more prone to smiling, too."
Then again, he hoped that wouldn't encourage her to try and get him drinking more.
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But she'll behave, for now, more interested in figuring how why they decided to get together for drinks ( although really, did there have to be a re- yes, yes there did, this is Ariadne she's speculating about ). She takes her usual seat behind the bar, one that's a little shorter than the stools they're sitting on at the other side, but this one's low enough to make it comfy when she props her feet up on the shelf under the bar.
"Fair enough." She tips her head back so her hat falls off, the thin rope around her neck stopping it from hitting the floor behind her. "I was just surprised to see anybody, actually. People don't usually stick around if there isn't music and whatever going on. Also, I could mix you a better drink than that space-beer, if you want. God, I can't even get through a bottle of that stuff."
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He studied the bottle of beer in his hands, which was nearly empty by now, and shrugged. "I don't drink often, so it all tastes pretty nasty to me. But if Ariadne wants something else..." he glanced over at her in question.
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So the moment she walked in wearing that ridiculous hat (seriously, who the hell has that type of hat on hand up here?) she couldn't help but lineface (that is a word okay, arthur did it well) before shooting the girl with a look that said: don't even start with me. As she clearly could tell the other woman’s gears were turning with curiosity over the pair and why they were there.
"I don't know..." She finally said with a long drawn out sigh, her attention still on the woman in question, as she intently debated with herself on just what she should do (running away seemed a bit childish she thought). "If we leave now, she is just going to think we were up to something." Which the idea of, finally got a smirk to appear at the corner of her mouth, "So I suppose we could trust her - for now."
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"Trust me with what? Were you guys telling secrets?"
No, she's not expecting them to just carry on their conversation. But it's fun playing it up. Rattle the tree, see what falls on her head. Right.
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"Trust her with what?" he asked Ariadne. "We were just talking." Was she planning to tell Wichita his entire sob story about his parents' deaths?
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"You never know, right?" she glanced over towards John with a shrug. "Who's to say; she wont make it her mission to get us drunk of our asses."
And yeah, that made no sense in her mind, but she was trying to keep it cool and not look like something clearly paranoid for no damn reason here.
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"First of all, if I ever get the chance to get you two drunk off your asses, it's not gonna be on this damn ship." Clue One that she's just talking to talk, the way she always does when she's behind the bar. It's all impossible, considering if any of them actually do get off the ship, there's a 98% chance they wouldn't end up in the same place anyway. "It'll be in some stupidly posh bar with ridiculously high priced booze, and it would all be just a hopeful experiment in trying to show you how to loosen up and have a good time like everybody else in the world." Because there are classier ways to get a person to spill secrets, duh.
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Geez, the beer wasn't that strong.
"And you know the way to keep from getting drunk is to just say no, right?"
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A faint snort, and she is resting her elbows on the table, glancing between the two with an almost wry smile. "When we get back home, I'll buy you both a nice bottle of pinot noir and then we can see how drunk we can get." And the odd amusement in her voice at that can be heard. As she knows damn well, they aren't from the same place she is, so it was highly unlikely to happen (which in a sense, is sad)
"But anyway..." She sighed, attempting to change the subject, as she focused back up on Wichita. "Maybe you could just show us what's good?" Because clearly she needed to relax here and alcohol might just be the only answer..
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"Good? Good isn't the word I'd use to describe any of the liquor we've got here. Uh, tolerable though, that I can manage. I usually just take shots of the stuff, it's better than trying to stomach any of the mixed drinks I can manage with what we've got here." What? Just being honest.
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"Because I wont lie; I'm curious what you can come up with to drink."