ataraxionlogs | he never ever saw it coming at all ( closed )

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he never ever saw it coming at all ( closed )

CHARACTERS: Peter Burke and Wichita
LOCATION: Space Babylon woohooo
WARNINGS: UM none
SUMMARY: Wichita's worried about Neal, so naturally she has to run and tell his FBI dad.
NOTES: backdated pre-event, right after this conversation.

[ somewhere in the back of her mind, Wichita feels bad for snitching. even if it's not snitching in the strictest sense, she isn't trying to get anybody in trouble and she isn't spilling any secrets ( mostly because she doesn't have any to spill on the subject ), but to bring her concerns about one thing or another to an outside party when she normally would keep it all to herself feels an awful lot like snitching. so once she hangs up her call with Peter ( Agent Peter Burke, why is she talking to feds, whywhywhy ), she almost immediately takes to pouring herself a short glass of space rum, just enough for a few sips, enough to smooth out the egde of nerves this whole thing is giving her before he meets her there at the bar.

whatever, it's just talking. she can talk about this. about Neal. about the fact that she's worried about Neal. of all the people on this ship to talk to about it, Peter seems like the best bet. nah, not even 'seems like'. he is the best bet. she won't claim to know Neal better than anybody else, but after all she's heard about Peter through Neal, she knows he'll understand the subtle things that are making her worry, the reason why this is Different. he won't tell her she's just being paranoid and to let it go. ..or maybe he will, and maybe she'll actually listen because he knows Neal well enough to know when to be concerned and when not to be.

right.

it's not snitching, it's just.. giving herself peace of mind. and maybe, possibly, gaining an understanding with someone that might want to save Neal as much as she does. and normally Wichita would scoff or scrunch her nose at the use of the word 'save' in a situation like this, but, at this point? it seems appropriate. she couldn't save Sherlock, but she'd try her freaking hardest to save Neal. ]

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[ it doesn't actually take long for peter to make his way down to the bar. partially because when it deals with neal it's at a bit of a high priority for peter, but also because if something really is wrong, then wichita can tell him things that he otherwise wouldn't have known.

sometimes giving neal space can create more problems than it solves, ironically enough. and even if she doesn't, there's still an insight that he doesn't have into other things. so he goes and finds his way to the bar, wearing his jeans and his green shirt and once he gets there while there's no one there he manages to just plop down in a chair before: ]

Wichita?

[ aha, finally. the door opens and she has just enough time to pull her sombrero off before ( she thinks ) he's noticed her. she's no ashamed of her bartender hat. she's not! but, this is serious. and the hat really isn't, so. she leaves the sombrero on the bartop, gives him a 'hey' and a short wave as she steps over to his end of the bar. but first- ]

Can I get you a drink? The stuff we've got isn't exactly aged to perfection, but at least it's free?

[ as a fun fact of the day, he would not have minded the sombrero as much as she probably thinks he does. alas, he won't tell her that so off it goes and she gets to him and asks if he wants a drink and he shouldn't but a beer sounds like heaven, to be entirely honest. ]

If you have any beer I'll take that, otherwise, I'm good. And bring it around the other side of things, so I'm not stuck talking to you over the bar.

[ and here's a wince ] Unfortunately we don't have any beer. Guess 'cause it would eventually go bad, and we didn't find the bar until a few months after we got here. But, whatever, if you want soda or something too just.. grab whatever you want. [ because she's drumming her fingers on the bar before pushing back away from it, walking around until she can hop up onto the barstool beside his. she scoots it over a bit so she has room to hook the heels of her boots under it without worrying about kneeing him. plus, space is good. ]

So! I'm going to preface all of this by saying I'm not trying to get Neal in trouble or anything. And I'm not about to ask you to talk to him for me or anything, because I already tried and it's- Yeah. It's nothing like that. I just know you're a friend, a real friend from home, so. Once he said he wasn't going back, I figured you were the person to tell.

With the amount of alcoholics on this ship, I doubt it'd even have a chance to come close. But no, like I said, it's fine. It's probably better if I don't actually, drinking on the job even if this is not strictly security related isn't something I do. [ he'll just probably go find some whiskey somewhere after this entire mess. he won't be like everyone else, but something tells him this conversation is going to be one of those conversations where he needs to have something to unwind himself with afterward. ]

You're not getting him in trouble. He does that enough by himself and I get it that you don't want me to talk to you for him or tell him he can tell you what's going on. [ there's a pause here where peter purses his lips before he exhales. ] I am. Out of everyone from home, I like to think I'm definitely that person to tell.

So tell me about it. Everything you can think of from your perspective.

Okay. [ there's a pause, then she's turning to face the bar completely, instead of him, because that makes it a little bit easier to talk. opening up to someone about just about anything is difficult enough on its own, opening up about Neal to someone that knows Neal better than she does is even worse. it's not intimidating, it's just.. hard. to convince herself that it's okay to do so. so she looks ahead at the space between two bottles on the back wall of the bar, squints through her bangs like she needs to stop and think to figure out where to start ]

Has he told you much about Sherlock? Not that the details matter, but, it kind of started with him, I think. When he died, that kinda- rocked everything the wrong way with him. With us. [ now her eyes are down on the bar, hands pressed flat against the surface. it's easier to distract herself, weirdly. like she can pretend she's not in control of what she's saying because normally she'd never just talk about her feelings or anything relating to them so plainly ] Sherlock died and Neal left. For like, weeks. Off the grid. He just- he left me this verse from a poem and I still don't even know what it means but I knew he was gonna leave, and then he did, just like that. So. That was impossible to accept, but I get why he did it, and I get that following him would have only made it worse. I think he always wanted to go out looking where he knew we shouldn't go, but losing Sherlock gave him a reason. Made it easier to just leave and keep walking. But once he came back, he was- different. Like someone that was dumped onto a deserted island was just rescued and had to remember how to live again. And I know he saw Smiley, or his murals, like he saw too much, but I never asked him about it because it didn't matter, not once he was back. None of that mattered to me as much as the fact that he finally came back. Which is probably selfish, but I just- I thought if he was back here, with me, instead of alone wherever he ended up, he'd be okay. You know?

[ and now she'll look up at him again, just a peek. ]

But now it's like the Neal I know isn't- it's just background noise to what the ship wants him to be, needs him to be for whatever reason. I was so freaking sure if we just didn't talk about it, he'd be fine, but he's obviously not. And there's still that like, small itching feeling that he's just playing us, he's just playing a con because he knows he has to sell it if he wants to convince Smiley that he's under his thumb, but. The fact that he said he isn't going home, that he can't, makes me worry that he really is gone.

[ about halfway through that she pulled her communicator out of her pocket, and now she's clicking around until this conversation is on the screen, starting right from that point. just cause. well. he doesn't have to read all her sappy feelings before then ]

Here's where he said it. It's not a big confession, but it's the first time he's actually said something like that to me. It could be a con, but I don't- I can't tell this time.

[ there's a problem when people don't face you head on when they're talking to you. it makes them look like they're hiding something when they might not be and beyond that it makes it harder for peter to read them. or at the very least do something close to it. but her not looking at him, he can understand, it's neal and she's obviously worried about him so he doesn't use his potential ability to actually force her to look at him.

instead he just listens and waits to say a single thing, though he does occasionally make a noise to make sure she realizes that he is, indeed, listening. and he takes the communicator without saying anything, though he could, instead choosing to take the time to read over what was said. a frown ends up forming on his face because—

peter knows a lot about neal. knows how he ticks better than anyone on this ship because it's his job to know and because he takes neal at his base value ( or what he knows as a base value ) and thinks that he's a guy who could have everything if he just stayed on the lawful path, and is too smart for his own good and it's— nearly obvious this isn't the neal he left at home. but then again, after knowing what he knew before this he could tell you neal had to have changed somehow. but this? this worries him. this makes makes him wonder if neal won't tell him because he's concerned he'll fall into it and because he needs someone to pull him out or if he's just not telling him because he doesn't want to.

because— this is something peter can't know. it takes him a moment and a heavy exhale before he sets the communicator aside and rubs at his head. ]

I know. I understand where you're coming from. Because you want to think that when something happens to someone you're enough to make them be fine if something happened to them that you weren't there to help them with.

[ right now it's a feeling peter's getting more and more because he could have prevented this. he could have pulled neal back in. he could have gone with him to help him with this. but he wasn't and— that was that, wasn't it. ]

You're not going to like what I say, but I need you to listen. If anything is dragging him home even if he says he can't go home, it's me. That's still the Neal I know, whether or not it's a con, I can't figure out just from that, because text can hide a lot of things, but I can tell you that what I just read, there's still at least a good part of him that's Neal Caffrey.

[ there's a pause. ] If he needs to be fixed, which, strictly speaking, unless his entire personality changed isn't something that needs to happen, because, you know he's a good guy. Criminal, technically, but a good guy who'd do things to protect the people he cares about. I speak from experience on that, so don't tell me I'm wrong, or I'm going to ask how well you really know him.

I'm going to ask you to promise me something, and if you make this promise, you're going to keep it because I hate it when people go back on them let alone when the promises involve Neal however indirectly.

[ you're not going to like what I say is so accurate, and the slow exhale that barely masks a huff is proof enough of that. she wants to blurt out that it's not about fixing Neal, it's about making sure he's actually okay, that he's not hiding some secrets that are so beyond messed up that it's changing him, under all those layers of Charm and Bravado and that token Neal Caffrey Smile©. that he's not just pretending to be okay for their sake, because she can't handle that, and she can't handle not doing anything about it. her fingers drum just once, onetwothreefour, and she shoves the argument away, doesn't want to clarify if he's already challenging how well she knows Neal. that's not what she came here for, it's not about who knows him better or who has his best interests in mind. so she'll take the unintended verbal backhand if it means getting to the point a little faster.

there is a little huff at the mention of Neal doing things to protect the people he cares about, but it's an amused sound, a yeah, I know eyeroll hidden behind her bangs before she's actually turning to look at him again. because he's asking her to promise him something, and that's a little bit bold, isn't it? assuming she's worth her word before she's even been given a chance to prove it. but that's what all good people do, right? benefit of the doubt. trust that people will do the right thing, like keep promises and be honest. thank you, Percy Jackson, for constantly reminding her that there are "good" people in this world, otherwise that line from Burke would have thrown her off even more than it just did. ]

Depends on what kind of promise it is. [ but she's quiet, like she's still waiting to hear it, or maybe like she's hesitant to at all. ] If it sounds anything remotely like "you need to let it go for now", then I can tell you right now that's not gonna happen. Can't do it. [ and she's assuming a lot here, but maybe holding back that other argument is making her speak out now ] I wouldn't have come to you if I didn't think we needed to be worried. I don't know how much Neal's told you about me, but I don't- worry about people, I don't let myself care that much about anyone. But I'm telling you now that I am worried. About Neal. Get me? [ it's not sarcastic or snapped, it's a confession. and 'get me?' should sound aggressive, but it just doesn't. not with the way her voice falters. it's not quite a crack, but it's almost like she tried to suck the words back into her mouth before they settled in the air. it's not a confession she wants to be making, not to someone she doesn't trust yet - Neal's the person she cares about most here. ]

[ the exhale is what bothers him the most, and why he said it, because if Neal thinks she's trying to fix him, then he'll go with it because for all that Neal is annoying ass, he's also good at reading people. peter doesn't make any particular bones about how if there's anyone that wants to make sure he's okay, it's him. but he knows that Neal doesn't— getting Neal to admit that's something wrong is like pulling teeth.

but she's right about how he believes that maybe she'll do the right thing here. it's how he deals with Neal, because honestly, the fact that she's here and talking to him about Neal proves that she's at least somewhat of a good person with a heart inside her even if she's a criminal too. ]

That's not what I was going to say. I'm not letting this go, not by a long shot. I know you're worried. I'm— I exist perpetually in a state of worry about Neal. So I understand perfectly. I've known that guy for years and he's a part of my life nearly as much as my wife is. I get it.

[ there's a pause where he looks concerned for her too before: ] What I'm asking you to do is don't press him about it. Trust me, it's not going to get anyone anywhere if you just press like you did. [ it's killing peter to say this but: ] I'm not asking you to strictly pull a con on him, but just make him think everything's fine. That you don't think anything is wrong. And if you see anything that you think is wrong, tell me.

I tried.

[ she's reaching for her communicator again, scrolling up until their conversation chain starts at the top and ends with I was-- stupid, before. I thought this was all some elaborate game and I was very, very wrong. I shouldn't have done a lot of things.. which.. makes her frown to read again, but it's quickly replaced with a twist of her mouth. she slides the comm so it's facing him again, sits back to let him read along. like she hadn't used the word 'family' for the first time since she got here in that same conversation, like it wasn't completely emotionally telling. eugh. she crosses her arms before she gives herself the chance to snatch it back right away. ]

All I've been doing since he got back is try to pretend that everything's fine. I want nothing more than for things to be like they were, but they're just.. not. People changing is one thing, I could deal with him pushing me out if he suddenly stopped wanting to be my friend for his own reasons. [ no she couldn't, but that's not the point ] But that's obviously not what this is. [ she chews her lip, ends up kind of wincing before she sighs ] I can promise not to press. Like I said in that conversation, I don't wanna know what he knows, I don't want any of it. But- pretending nothing's wrong isn't gonna work. Not when he's the one telling me something's wrong, but explaining will only get me hurt.

[ which is why she messaged Peter in the first place - there has to be a way to get him out of that mess. maybe. somehow. she just needs help thinking of a way to do it. ]

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