[ what kills lydia, more than anything, is feeling helpless. it's been— not exactly her default state, not really, but she's not used to feeling like she's being controlled. like everything she could try and do to break the control is useless. it's helplessness or uselessness, one of the two but she can't figure out which one and it kills her. ]

We started the thirteenth jump, she left the fifteenth jump and I'm pretty good. I've been practicing since she left after she taught me the basics. Being able to shoot the gun helps me with my aim, I just occasionally have problems with stance.

[ in short, she's not bad, but she sure as hell isn't allison level. ]

I can shoot it without hitting myself and that's the important part. [ a beat. ] She was going to help me more after the jump when she left.