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My name is Dr. Worm

CHARACTERS: Miles Edgeworth and Josh Levison
LOCATION: Josh's room
WARNINGS: Emotional constipation
SUMMARY: Two dudes probably talk about their feelings in an elliptical way
NOTES: Dated to some point at some time

[It's the second time he's come to Josh's room. Pathetic, really, how he vacillates. Last time he'd come to stand in vicious judgment over the other man - to learn what he had done that weighed so heavily on him and to evaluate him as a threat or not. And now he's returning because he's lonely and wants a friend.

Really, truly pathetic.

But he's there anyway. He knocks anyway. He glances off to the side, self-conscious, shifts from foot to foot, scratches at his neck over his cravat. He's come, in spite of his full recognition of his own weakness, because there comes a time when you realize that weakness isn't something you can overcome with force of will.]

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[ josh knows who it is before he even knocks, of course (scent, gross, etc). he's not in a hurry to open the door, but he doesn't hesitate before doing so, stepping clear to let edgeworth in. ]

Hi.

[ yes that's a strong opener for welcome to my room please tell me your deeply personal issues. ]

Good day.

[He has a plate in his hand; on the plate is a sandwich. It's not a bad-looking sandwich, overall, though it seems an odd thing to bring someone when it's only vaguely around a mealtime and there was no pre-discussion of any food. But he explains it at once - ]

I had - intended to bake some bread, instead, as a thank-you of sorts. [His voice turns laughably grim as he says - ] It did not go well.

[ bread. edgeworth tried to brake him bread. josh very very carefully does not laugh, though he can't hide an incredulous smile. ]

Yes, well, we haven't really gotten up to bread yet. Baby steps, young Jedi.

[ p.s. he knows you're a nerd. he'll out you one day. ]

Thank you for what?

[And Edgeworth does get a rather shifty look on his face when he hears the word Jedi, but only because he thinks that he's cunning and that Josh knows nothing of the depth of his knowledge of the Jedi way.

But more important things - ]

For being willing to listen. And - belatedly, to thank you for the lessons as well. [He gives a small, self-conscious shrug, and says with some degree of embarrassment:] To thank you for being a...friend, though it seems a poor thing to thank you for that when I bring a laughable gift.

[ the smile's completely genuine this time; maybe even slightly embarrassed. ]

You're welcome. Really.

[ an awkward pause, then: ]

Thank you for not... arresting me. [ extra awkward on the last bit there, though it's said with good humor and at his own expense. ]

[And Edgeworth's face falls just a little bit at the reminder of that previous conflict. But a moment later, he struggles through it, shaking his head - ]

You know that I wouldn't unless you hurt someone here. [A hesitation; then:] And I know that you'll never do that deliberately. You're not malicious, and I've no intention of punishing those who act without malice.

[ the skeptical look that very kind review gets probably isn't the most reassuring, but it's light enough to be taken as a joke. ]

Thanks for the vote of confidence too, then.

[ his tone shifts slightly; still friendly, but now it's more sincere. ]

You know you don't have to talk to me just because I told you all of... that. Right? It's not like a trade. Only if you want to.

[And Edgeworth does relax. It's always such a risk, talking about that sort of thing, using phrases like no intention of punishing and all that; he's afraid of being overbearing, yes, but far more, he's afraid that his job as security will end up being conflated with his role as a human being. He wants to be friends with Josh, but Edgeworth of Security can't. Miles, though, as just a person, who stands back from judgments and all that - Miles can be his friend.

He thinks.

But it hadn't gone over badly; Josh isn't looking at him with a chilly demeanor now; he didn't manage to put his foot in his mouth.]

To my way of thinking, it's the one who listens who is doing the kindness, not the one who speaks. By sitting and listening, you're doing me a favor. [But that does sound overbearing, so - ] Not that - I'm saying that you owe me. Or - or anything.

Maybe.

[ that's it, but it's thoughtful, not just casting off edgeworth's reply. because he's right, of course. doesn't change the fact that giving up secrets is hard, and there's something to be said for being the person trusted with them.

josh takes a seat on the bed as he continues, easily resting his elbows on his knees and leaning forward slightly, hands clasped. but it's totally at ease, even if the glance he casts up at edgeworth is slightly expectant. ]

And hey, favors are what friends do. [ wow that could sound wrong to anyone else. he's pretty sure that sort of thinking isn't even a blip on edgeworth's radar, though. ] So what's up?

[Edgeworth does react to that comment about favors, but not by casting a sidelong glance at Josh, or lifting an eyebrow; nothing of the sort; instead, there's a flash of emotion at hearing Josh make such casual reference to friends, and then he shakes his head.]

First, I've...really come to the conclusion that you were a hundred percent correct and that I was entirely in the wrong thoughout that whole thing. I was being quite a... [He clears his throat, and says, dubiously:] "Dick." [But hearing him curse is like hearing a foreigner curse; the effect is more humorous than impassioned.] So I want to thank you also for calling me on my wrongheadedness.

[ it's probably a sad thing that josh isn't entirely sure which argument this is about. they've had a few. he's assuming remus, but either way, the answer's mostly the same. ]

Don't worry about it. Everyone was tense, a certain level of dickishness is to be expected in a crisis.

[ meaning apology without an actual apology accepted, but just to make it clear and not brush off edgeworth's admirable efforts: ]

But thank you for saying it.

Right.

[He nods, and then runs a hand through his hair, slumping backwards against the wall with a heavy sigh. He usually, in most circumstances - even with two beers in him - sits upright, dignified and proper; this time he doesn't even bother, slouching backwards, frowning. He could exchange more pleasantries, work up to it, but instead he decides to launch into the matter without any further preamble.]

Throughout that whole thing, you know, the whole incident with the pirates, I could not help thinking about how altogether wrong I was. Everything I said the other day. All the people on this ship acted like utter monsters.

[ josh appreciates that - getting to the point. although, admittedly, not that they've gotten to the point, he's not entirely excited to be there. ]

You're right. We did. [ because even he'd said a few things to the pirates that he regrets, and to friends afterwards. ]

But I don't know how else it could have played out. Not realistically, not with this- [ blaming the ship sounds like a cheat, even if he doesn't mean it as a free pass. ] It's made people desperate.

No?

[He closes his eyes a moment, bitter and unhappy.]

Here's how I'd have liked it to have played out: with a bit less hypocrisy. [He looks up at Josh.] How many of them were gleeful at the opportunity to fight? And then, after, how many of them played the scandalized moralists at Ward's actions? You heard that from them, didn't you?

[ hypocrisy. that's exactly what it is, and that's what josh was so damning of, but it's not like he's one to talk. which doesn't mean he doesn't agree, of course; just that there's a low burn of shame beneath it. ]

I did.

[ a short pause to mull it over, and his tone is serious, though lacking in any open hostility. ] Excuses. That's what they're - we're - getting by on. Calling them pirates, saying they were here to take our precious resources that we've apparently got so much of we don't even know where half of them are - that's justification, lets them defend what we did. Ward didn't bother making any excuses.

Which of course makes us so different from him, doesn't it?

[Josh agreeing has spurred Edgeworth on; he speaks now with an acrid sort of mockery, a bitter irony.]

We got to pretend that those people posed a threat, and so killing them was justified. We got to convince ourselves of our righteousness when truly all we wanted was to kill. And so we can stand in judgment over him.

[He shakes his head.]

We're all monsters here. They started it; no question of that. But we finished it, and we finished it with gleeful brutality.

[ holy crap, is this what he sounds like when he gets on a roll. he has a strange feeling it's similar, at least. josh doesn't respond right away, and he doesn't even respond directly to what edgeworth's saying. it's spurred a slightly different train of thought - though certainly not one that's any less dismal. ]

Wanting to be human is the trick. I'm starting to wonder if half the humans here haven't lost sight of that.

[ because he's not human, of course; at least not entirely, despite his valiant efforts. still, the past few years have shown him that a curse isn't the only thing that can negate that privilege. ]

[And Edgeworth is almost caught up enough in his own misery and anger to miss that little quirk of phrasing. Half the humans, not half the people, and there's a moment where he honestly considers just going ahead with his rant because Josh is listening to him, agreeing with him, and it's so nice to have someone who isn't telling him that he's full of shit or an asshole or pompous and longwinded just because he has opinions...

But this goes deeper than his need to be listened to. Half the humans. "Human" here is too weighted a word; it's the name of a species to which everyone here doesn't belong.

And it's an outsider's term.

So how nice it would be to simply rant, to stalk the floor of Josh's little room and vent his spleen. But instead he needs to ramp back his outrage to articulate this properly.]

Half the people. We cannot be politically incorrect and speak only of our own species.

[It's a probing sort of invitation for correction, and he makes no secret of that; he turns and watches Josh closely, his face full of the question tacit in his words.]

[ our. josh isn't really surprised that edgeworth says that easily, still considers josh human. he doesn't think the same of himself, of course; not in the ways that count, and not just because of the wolf. he's got a journal full of scientific observations that show just how not human he is, and for a moment he considers offering it to edgeworth for some light reading, just to be ornery.

he doesn't, obviously, and he doesn't argue semantics on the point. he'll consider it a compliment - for now. ]

Right, of course, wouldn't want to exclude the Bela Lugosis and Lon Chaney Juniors on-board.

[ not quite arguing, anyway. just some light sarcastic deflection. ]

But I get what you're saying. Everyone here should've done better, or should've tried - [ tried what? to be better monsters. why was this so familiar on a much larger, much more awful scale. speaking of, the whole soap box thing feels like a right you have to earn, and though josh still entertains it liberally, there are moments when he acutely feels how much he hasn't earned it. it's a realization that hits him now, causes him to consider edgeworth a moment before shifting gears. ]

Since you've been on the ship. Do you think you've changed?

[He doesn't quite meet Josh's eye, but he nods without hesitating.]

Yes.

[He takes in a breath, then elaborates, because Josh is giving him detailed and honest answers and Edgeworth should have the decency to do the same.]

Before I came here, I swore that I'd never raise my hand to another person in anger. I've done so. I swore that I'd exhaust all words in resolving a situation rather than turning to violence, but nowadays I look to subdue them rather than talk to them.

[He drags a hand through his hair and gives a little unhappy laugh.]

You know, I'm not even really precisely human myself anymore.

[ it's probably not the most appropriate response, but josh can't help smiling; sort of matches that unhappy laugh, though. it's self-deprecating and sympathetic. ]

Yeah, I get what you mean. And I'm not talking about the wolf.

[ still weird saying that out loud to anyone who isn't a monster too, but he doesn't stumble over it. he gets exactly where edgeworth is coming from, and while he appreciates holding yourself to ridiculously high standards more than most people might, it's difficult not to be slightly amused by edgeworth's definition of moral deterioration. ]

Sometimes talking doesn't work. It's an awful lesson to learn, but it's a popular one, unfortunately. Subdue still beats murder the crap out of - you could be doing worse.

[Edgeworth, though, shakes his head.]

No. You misunderstand. I'm not being metaphorical. I'm not entirely human.

[ pardon. ]

You're -

[ sorry, he is very rudely genuinely shocked by this. ]

What?

[Edgeworth, though, just nods, serious and unsurprised. This is his own confession to Josh; there's no good time to do this, but this seems as good as any, and God knows Josh is trustworthy.

So instead of explaining, he demonstrates: he takes a handkerchief from his pocket, folds it evenly, and then uses his telekinesis to lift it perhaps a foot into the air. Then he lets it drop back down again and tucks it away.

And his comment is:]

Sorry. I should have been more forthcoming, some time ago.

[ wow. that was only a semi-cool demonstration. something bigger would have been cooler, but moving anything with your mind is still pretty impressive. ]

You're-

[ wait for it. he totally does not get it. ]

You're a wizard?

[ he's met a lot of those, okay. it's a logical conclusion. ]

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edgeworth you make me sad

Don't feel sad; he'll get better at cursing in time

he'd better

fack sheet gotdamm

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crawls in with rusty ass tag SORRY

I like your rusty ass

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