my alone feels so good.

[altercate]

CHARACTERS: derek hale + open
LOCATION: the depths of the oxygen gardens
WARNINGS: allusions to death, also the usual warning that should be attached to derek and his slew of Issues.
SUMMARY: derek has been camping in the gardens since peter died, because isolation from all the things is clearly the way to go here.
NOTES: just a quick note that derek is difficult to hang out with on the best of days, and this isn't a good day, not even close. he's not looking for company at all, so chances are he will cut off meetings with people pretty quickly. this is a "it's not you, it's derek" situation, it doesn't mean i don't want cr, just that derek's a failure at interaction.

[ it wasn't derek's first choice, cremating peter. that's not how things should be done. but it's the only option available to him, the only thing that can be done. putting peter underneath the house isn't really an option on the table, not up here.

it still feels wrong.

he puts the small box of ashes in the ground. there's a certain finality in the act that derek can't appreciate, not right now. if he could manage the sort of detachment he wishes had, then there would be something to take pride in, the complete and utter neutralization of an enemy. but what sticks with derek is that this is the second time he's buried his uncle. this is the second time he's killed what's left of his family, the second time he's had hale blood on his hands. it's in service of his pack, in the hopes of keeping people safe, but the guilt chokes him anyway.

and then the jump comes and takes away his pack. it's like some great cosmic joke. or maybe it just means that this worked. kill peter, and keep his pack safe. erica and isaac and boyd are gone when he wakes up, and derek just--

it's like the snapping of tethers. it's the only way derek knows how to deal with grief. derek goes back to the garden and the makeshift grave and shuts himself away. his comm beeps from time to time and derek doesn't answer it. it's been a while, since it was just him on his own. it isn't quite like before, doesn't quite fit. there's people pulling for his attention, little tugs on his attention every time his comm lights up.

he ignores it. as far as derek's concerned, it'll eventually stop. most things do. ]

Comments

[assumedposition]

[Albert's first choice of hangout isn't usually the gardens, but he had agreed to help Jehan out on his mad quest to make a complete botanical encyclopaedia of all the plant life on the ship, and so keep to his word he would. Before long he has dirt all over his hands and smudges on his face from examining the roots of various plants.

He might have been reluctant to start, but once he set his mind to the task, Albert worked at it with an almost mule-headed, single-minded determination. With this in mind, it's hardly surprising that he doesn't notice Derek at all at first. Then he does, out of the corner of his eye and some distance away, but he ducks his head back down again and keeps at his task.

But when Derek is still there some time later, unmoving, as Albert works his way slowly across the garden, Albert finds himself wondering if the other man is all right. There's a small part of him that says he shouldn't go prying into another's business, that he probably wants to be left alone-- the sensible side, the side that Franz would take. But the louder, more Albert-like voice says that there's no harm in checking-- after all, they were a community here on the ship, all stuck in the same boat, so to speak. It was almost a moral duty to look after one another.

So, all in all, that is how it comes to be that Albert de Morcerf approaches Derek Hale with a bunch of hastily arranged flowers in various bright colours.

He means to say something impressive or meaningful or deep, or at least something that might cheer a person up when he approaches. But Derek is an intimidating figure, after all. So for all his good intentions, in the end all he manages after a second of awkward silence is:]

... Ah ... here.

[altercate]

[ in the grand scheme of things, derek understands that people offer up flowers to other people at various key moments. he's sure that if his family had ever had a funeral in town, there would have been flowers. but that's not what this is. that's not what this should be. derek didn't know who this was, had never met him in all the time he's been onboard.

it's just flowers, but it feels like a trap of some nature. it makes derek's skin itch in discomfort, and he wants to just retreat deeper into the garden, further away from everyone and everything. ]

What is this? [ it's more snappish than it should it. it was derek at his worst, grief-raw and guit-drenched and incapable of actually tempering his tone into something neutral. ] Is this a joke?

[assumedposition]

[Albert's reaction is immediate-- surprise, and a little embarrassment. His cheeks turn slightly pink.]

A-- no, not at all!

I simply thought... you looked very melancholy indeed.

[altercate]

[ he's young. young the way his betas were young and scott was young and stiles was young and lydia was young. he's young enough that his emotions show on his face, and derek hates seeing it. he straightens up, tension running through his posture. ]

I don't know you.

[ gestures come with strings. how can they come with anything else? there must be something he wants for this small gesture of kindness, because what other motivation could it have? ]

[assumedposition]

[Albert's cheeks go even redder, and his expression turns slightly sheepish. Of course, what was he thinking? Of course this guy doesn't want other people butting into his business. Albert feels the desire to flee in embarrassment conflicting with the desire to stay and try to muddle his way through this, stubbornly. He gets flustered.]

Ah-- oh-- well, haha, no... I suppose you don't! But that's easily remedied, isn't it? My name is Albert de-- Herrera... [Oh no, that's not right. Albert hasn't made that mistake since he first arrived here a few months ago. All because he got flustered. Now he'll have to correct himself and explain. That's embarrassing too.]

Er, that is. Albert Herrera. I used to be Albert de Morcerf... anyway, that's not important! I'm sixteen years old, my homeland is France, the year where I'm from is 5053 [though you'd think it 1853 with the way he wears a cravat] and I currently have no idea what I wish to do with my life.

Is that better...?

( MAY 15 )

[puppydogeyes]

[Taylor knew alone. She knew the feeling of it, she knew the desire for it. When Derek answers her message the way he does, when he refuses to answer the rest, she knows what he's doing. Closing himself away somewhere, because being alone by choice before anything else can make it happen - it's like trying to pull back some control. Trying to shield, curl into yourself, close everything else out.

And it never fucking works.

Maybe a month ago she'd try to find someone else to search him out. She couldn't pinpoint when he'd started avoiding her, only when she'd noticed it, but she hadn't pressed. He'd changed his mind about her pathos, obviously, and really, she couldn't blame him. Except then he'd tried to tell her that wasn't the case. Then he'd visited her in medical.

Reaper had told her his uncle was dead. Killed by the pirates. Taylor hadn't even known he'd had an uncle, that he was on board the ship, but that and then his pack being gone-- she didn't give a shit about her pathos. She wasn't going to leave him alone with that.

The tracking systems in Communications indicates Derek's comms is somewhere in the gardens, and her dogs can do the rest. They've been trained for tracking as much as anything else, sweeping through the gardens in proper formation, searching out his scent, only slower than usual because of Taylor's stilted walking following them. Even then, it's only a matter of time before one of them breaks through the undergrowth around where he's hidden himself away - and it's one of the dobes, Jabberwocky, who is the first to do so.]

[altercate]

[ there's a method to it, what derek's doing. this is what he did instinctively, what he'd done when he'd lost laura what felt like a lifetime ago. retreat inwards, pull away, sit alone in the dark to lick his wounds and feel out the edges of the damage, try to decide how best to proceed when he eventually picked himself back up. because derek always picked himself back up. that was how he worked. no matter what he lost or how terrible his injuries, derek got back to his feet.

it's too much to hope for that it's just the dog and not tyke herself arriving. he can hear her faintly, even as jabberwocky pads up to him. derek looks at the dog for a long moment and then sighs, reaching out to pet the animal while he waits for her.

this feels inevitable. if she trekked all the way here to hunt him down after letting him evade her for so long, then there's only so much evasion he'll manage. and he remembers her in that hospital bed, knows she can't be fully healed. if he's going to dismiss her, it's better to keep this from taking too much of a toll on her. ]

What do you want?

[ that's the first thing he says when she finally comes within earshot. it's short and abrupt and irritated, like she's intruding. she is, to an extent. this isn't home but for the moment it's what he has, nevermind the empty room waiting for him down below. ]

[puppydogeyes]

[It takes her a while to catch up to Jabberwocky - out of her range, the dobe has to put up a call, once, get it passed along by one of the others. They arrive before her, too, only Chubbs lingering around her feet. She doesn't let them tramp around the space, can already feel the defensiveness in Derek's mind, even as he's petting Jabber. They're intruding. But then, that was the idea.]

You telling me where you were would've been a good fucking start.

[She has to brace herself against a tree at the edge of the space he's taken, lean there heavily for a moment, but she can at least channel the pain through to the biting tone of her voice. She'd brought Eames' walking aid to get her through the gardens, but it had still been more than she should've done, and she's not gonna be able to go anywhere for a while - even if she wanted to.]

[altercate]

[ the wolf in him wants to snarl until they all go running. he's capable of it. there's an alpha under his skin, and that comes with power derek can bring to the surface when it suits him. his gums itch with it, with the promise of teeth, but tyke's voice is run through with pain and he remembers her in a hospital bed. humans don't heal the way he does. it's all foreign to him, the idea of carrying an injury around this long, of being vulnerable this long. so instead he just sends the dog skittering back with a flash of red eyes, like he's exhausted all the tolerance he had to spare. ]

You didn't need to know. [ his tone is flat, the kind of flat that is nothing but a cover for the anger simmering beneath. ] You didn't need to come out here.

[ she's weak. she's weak and that's somehow infuriating, like an affront to him. he doesn't want to see it. he doesn't like being reminded of it. it's such a slippery slope, the sight of her weakness reminding him of his own, of peter's weakness as derek had--

but he can't think of that hear, and derek pulls himself up short, stops that dead in its tracks. ]

[target]

[it'd taken longer than he would've liked- more effort than he'll ever admit to having made -to find derek. he knows about derek's pack disappearing; they'd been next on the list of people to try and contact after the first set of messages he'd sent derek had gone ignored. bounced messages from boyd, from erica, from isaac. he'd even gone as far as to try and contact peter, but to no avail. lydia hadn't shared anything with him, and stiles and scott- well, searching for derek had come first. three other people left from derek's world, and only one of them who seems to give enough of a shit about the werewolf to bother asking. he'd come out of that conversation empty handed, of course. but that hadn't dissuaded him. if anything, it gave him more of a reason to go searching.

derek's room had obviously been no use, and he'd counted out the idea of him having gone further in to the ship. so instead, he'd decided to go with his gut instinct. with the idea of a person who's half animal choosing the one place on the ship where he'd be able to find the space he wants. space that wesley is all too happy to take from him.

when he finally manages to find him (that opr on his arm works wonders for gaining access to restricted areas. to equipment to make the search that much quicker), his mask is on, as it has been each time he's left his room. it serves as a comfort; has done from the moment he found it hidden away in cross' apartment. he may not have known his parents, but he understand the concept of family. knows what it's like to lose them. so while the three teens may not have been blood, they were family. pack, as derek had pointed out countless times before. losing peter and his pack in a single jump had to be a lot to take, even for someone as reclusive as derek hale.

he doesn't bother to announce his arrival, not seeing a need to. not with derek's senses in play. but while he may understand the other man's need for distance and solitude, it doesn't mean he's going to play nice right from the get go. loss of his pack or not, it isn't enough to keep him from another round of whistling. this time-

who's afraid of the big bad wolf...

hi, derek. found you.]

[altercate]

[ it's not expected. or maybe it should be expected but derek really doesn't see it coming. wes texts him a half dozen times, and then the comm does silent and derek assumes that's the end of it. he and wes danced awkwardly around the subject of their friendship, and derek had just thought it all simpler to send him to lydia rather than answer any of his questions. he'd assumed lydia would derail him from the task of actually seeking derek out, but how wrong he had been.

there's a long pause where derek just looks at him, unimpressed, before he rolls his shoulders, bones cracking, and breaks the silence. ]

You're different.

[ older. but that's besides the point. ]

Get out.

[ slapping wes around is not high on derek's to-do list. ]

[target]

All this time you've known me and you still think that's gonna work? That's kinda cute.

[though it does at least manage to stop the whistling, for now. derek's warning flat out ignored, wesley invites himself over to join him. though he does at least have the foresight to leave a few feet gap between them. no reason to invite the other man to a cheap shot or two.

a stretch of his own, and his hands are tucked behind his head, exuding boredom even though his face is covered. he isn't in any kind of a rush to take the mask off yet. or to leave. or to do...much of anything really. not when he doesn't have any real reason to just yet.]

Never took you for the kind of guy to run away with his tail between his legs.

[altercate]

[ it's baffling, in a way. wes and he had an arrangement, a complicated one, but derek hadn't thought the nuances of it included this. he watches wes for a long moment, expression tight and suspicious, before he shifts, resting his arms on his knees. ]

And I didn't think you liked playing dress up.

[ derek's not a fan of the costume change, but he's seen people wearing weirder. he lived in new york for a time, there have been some ridiculous fashion choices paraded around in front of him. ]

Enough with that.

Whenever works for the sched, you

[okayokay]

[This hadn't been the kind of place she'd wanted to put roots down in. Not that she'd really had one in mind. The school had seemed like a good one, maybe, but that was yesterday. Today? She was in space. And the plant had come too, so it wasn't like she could just keep it in her windowless little room, okay? That wasn't fair. She couldn't do that to anyway, and especially not to Leon. So the plant had been planted. Roots put down. Too late to look back now. But just because it now had a bunch of plant friends didn't mean it didn't still need her. To talk to it and water it and wipe down the leaves and all the things a good plant parent did to help it be happy.

But today it had company. Mathilda paused, cup of water in one hand and soft cloth in the other, for half a second before finishing her approach. Turning back wasn't an option, hadn't even crossed her mind The wait was more to see if the guy would get up and leave after hearing her. But he looked happy to just be in a pile of gloom, so that was just another thing she'd have to live with. The gun- Leon's gift- was still tucked under the back of her jacket, pressing against her spine. Even if the worst happened some guy wasn't anything she couldn't handle.

She fell to her knees with a tiny grunt, water sloshing over the side of the cup as she got settled next to the now planted plant. And then, as she had every day since putting it in the 'ground,' she caught the plant up on the day's events. Or lack there of.]

I'm still here, don't worry. I tried going through a few new doors today. Getting to know the area, like you said. Not that there's shit worth seeing or anything. You've got the best view in the house.

hipchecks timelines out of the way.

[altercate]

[ it isn't intentional. the point of being out here is to avoid people encroaching on him, and sometimes that means he has to change locations for an hour or two while agriculture does what it is they do. so derek ends up next to a plant that doesn't seem any different from anything else in this entire place, but apparently is somehow, because there's a relatively small girl muscling her way in to tend to it. they look at each other for a long moment, derek wondering if she'll back down or not, which doesn't work.

that's just how his luck has been lately. derek isn't even all that surprised. ]

What are you doing?

[ it's a very clear, very judgemental, are you talking to that plant? type of question. like if derek's rude enough to her then she'll pack up and go on her way. it's either that or he finds another spot to hide in until things quiet down, but why do that when he can just scare this kid off?

derek hale, failure of a human being. ]

/does the same

[okayokay]

I'm talking to Leon.

[She said it like addressing a plant as a person was the most normal thing in the world. Even turned her head to look him dead in the eye to do it. She'd faced cops and criminals that wanted to kill her, she didn't give much of a shit about some teen or twenty something angsting in a garden. He'd come into her space, as far as she was concerned. Seniority on the ship in general be damned.]

That's how they grow. Talking to them. Didn't anyone tell you that?

the most legit way to roll

[altercate]

[ no one's told derek much of anything about plants or otherwise, but derek's not going to admit that any time soon. what he does instead is size her up, take in the way she doesn't recoil from him at all, and frown. ]

You named a plant Leon?

[ people do a lot of weird shit in the garden. well, case and point, derek's entire existence here this month. ]

Is that yours?

[workout]

[ derek's good at hiding. or good at lurking, in scott's experience, but that doesn't mean he can hide his scent; not from another wolf, not from pack. and that's what scott is now, whether derek's interested in remembering it or not.

scott had joined the pack for the same reason he did most things these days: it was the best way he knew to keep his friends safe. he'd joined because of peter, too, those silver words and lies wrapped in truths. he'd been reluctant. he still was, on some level, and probably would be until the day circumstances changed - but in for a penny, in for a pound.

meaning when derek dropped off the grid, scott noticed. he'd given him an ultimatum of a week, and now time was up - and so was stiles' patience, apparently. scott would have prefered to do this alone, but stiles was as invested in this as he was, so there was no good excuse to shut him out of it. so here they were, following scott's nose into the depths of the gardens, looking for a ghost and mostly just finding one particular bit of land that stank of him.

scott stops where the trail does, but he doesn't bother searching the foliage. he knows derek is close, and his attention's on what he can hear, listening for the sounds of a retreat. he doesn't really want to end up talking to himself like an idiot, if it can be helped. ]

Derek. We need to talk.

[altercate]

[ everyone else who had come and gone had felt like an intrusion, but this is different. it's a on a whole other level. derek hears them and stands up, shakes out his limbs while he tries to decide how best to--

he can't run. it's not an option on the table. he's done that before here, slipped away when people drew too close. but if he vanishes that leaves the grave. stiles and scott already dug up one of derek's family members. he isn't particularly interested in repeating the experience, even if he doubts this will end with his arrest. ]

I'm not interested in what you need right now, Scott.

[ maybe before he would have stepped out of the bushes while he said that. derek always did love an entrance. but he stays where he is, listening to the pair of them, waiting to see if there were anyone else with them. ( there won't be. his betas are gone and remus is wrapped up in his new girlfriend and his happiness, and derek hasn't intruded upon that. ) ]

[ex_question191]

[ scott sounds serious. stiles isn't so good at that. ]

Are you hiding in the bushes?

[ he'd followed scott into the depths of the oxygen gardens because he felt it was time to shake derek out of his bear grylls schtick, but this is totally ridiculous. ]

wow i 4got 2 track this

[workout]

[ scott shoots stiles a look, but it's more reluctantly amused than chastising. hiding in the bushes is pretty silly, lbr. still, he takes the question as rhetorical and doesn't bother waiting for derek to answer (as if he would). ]

I thought you were supposed to care about your pack.

[ the statement could easily be sarcasm, but it's not. it's steady, serious, meant as more of an honest criticism than a cutting jab. derek's not responding so well to concern; scott's fine with trying blunter tactics. ]

you're lucky i didn't make this once sentence lol

[loyalpup]

[The gardens were becoming more and more familiar to Tom. There were areas he left alone simply because people had made homes within the garden and he doubted they wanted uninvited guests. One area he couldn't bring himself to ignore was a newer camp with a familiar scent. Tom made sure to make enough noise not to startle his friend.]

Derek?

treasures all these sentences.

[altercate]

[ the garden is big, but it's not an endless thing. derek's aware of that. more people who venture this deep aren't looking for company either, skitter away once they become aware of derek's presence. it's better like that. it's not home, not even close, but it's the nearest derek can get.

of course, not everyone decides to stay away.

he can smell tom before anything is said. he has time to decide whether or not he wants to engage. but in the end, it's tom. it's tom and there's still enough left in derek that remembers his responsibilities that keeps him in place. ]

What?

[ but actually managing to be friendly is beyond him. whoops. ]

sorry, tl;dr

[loyalpup]

[At the sound of the sharp voice Tom shrinks in on himself even as he slowly creeps closer. He knows Derek doesn't want company, but like some pup that just doesn't know when to leave Tom just moves into Derek's space]

Was just surprised to see you here is all.

[He doesn't sit too close, but he does sit which means he doesn't plan on leaving any time soon. There are a lot of confused feeling and thoughts running through Tom about Derek since the older man stopped Tom from staking Hal. He doesn't want to sit and talk these things out, but he does just want to sit and, well, he's not sure. There's that same pull towards the man that Tom had felt with George and Nina; a desire to be part of a pack. George and McNair had told him that packs didn't exist, but maybe that only counted for their world.]

never apologize for tl;dr i like your tl;dr tbh

[altercate]

[ tom defies every instinct derek expects or possesses. derek snaps and tom edges closer, settles himself like he's in for the long haul. it makes derek want to claw out of his skin, the way it had when scott had first appeared and started banging on derek's door. derek wants and he wants and he wants but he doesn't know how to have anything. it takes him a few minutes to come up with an answer, shifting inside the leather of his jacket. ]

I've been here.

[ since the jump. but he doesn't want to add that information, doesn't see the point. it's not necessary, probably common knowledge. derek hale had been nowhere to be found since the jump, it's just a thing that happened. ]