ataraxionlogs | I hear the train a-comin / It's rollin round the bend [ooopen]

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I hear the train a-comin / It's rollin round the bend [ooopen]

CHARACTERS: Edgeworth and the Murderettes
LOCATION: The brig, yar har
WARNINGS: Edgeworth is an emo asshole
SUMMARY: So Edgeworth is in the brig on his own insistence for a murder he didn't commit. Come make fun of him! Throw things! Pay $2 for a bag of peanuts to feed him!
NOTES: Can happen between the 17th and the 20th. If you can't get him to talk, present: badge.

[Edgeworth doesn't look up when people come to see him. He just keeps looking at his hands, quiet and still; he says little. Still, he hasn't put in a request for no visitors, and he won't; it's less from a desire for company than from a desire for people to be able to see he's getting no special treatment. In the brig, like any other criminal, no matter that he was until recently the one guarding it.

He's in his suit still. He looks exhausted.]

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[He shoves the door to the cell open and stands staring expectantly at Edgeworth. Even after he's refused, he stares at him, waiting for him to give in anyways--glaring at people until they do what he wants, that's sort of a tactic.]

Why not. [And before Edgeworth can answer, give some miserable reply, Sirius adds:] You didn't do it. I know you didn't. So this is all stupid, really, locking yourself up in here.

Now come on.

[He lowers his head, staring down at his hands. He answers quietly.]

And then what shall I do afterwards? Go on the run? Hide? Find some fortified location and fight anyone who tries to drag me back?

Not sit in here like you're actually guilty?

[He snorts. This is obvious, and stupid, and he can't believe he's got to point this out to Edgeworth--but beneath that, there is a sharper edge here, one far more intent and angry and-- concerned, though that's an emotion that gets mostly concealed by the others.]

Get up.

[He shakes his head, trying still to reason with him because he outright digs in his heels and refuses.]

No. Running looks guilty, Black.

And throwing yourself in prison doesn't?

[More fiercely, he adds:] Edgeworth. You didn't do it. Everyone will know that, you don't kill people-- I don't know why you're pretending as if you did.

[His hands tighten on his knees; he squeezes his eyes shut. He takes in a breath, and then bites out, miserably:]

He killed my dad.

[That takes some of the anger out of him, anyways--enough so that he stares at Edgeworth for a moment, and for once he doesn't have anything to say. The question of revenge makes sense, suddenly, and again he thinks: maybe--

But no. Even-- then, he can't see Edgeworth murdering someone.]

Tell me what happened.

[He could confide in Sirius, couldn't he? Sirius wouldn't hate him. Sirius told him, after all, that he himself would go for revenge. If Edgeworth told him that he took that gun, his hand trembling the whole way, and lifted it up, and held his mentor - his father's murderer - in his sights...Sirius would forgive him.

Right?

But the thing was this: it had been Sirius who'd given him that advice. And it was that advice that Edgeworth had used to fortify himself, and it was that which landed him in trouble. And - God - if he ends up executed for this, if he ends up being put to death, he never wants Sirius to know that he had the least hand in Edgeworth's poor choices.]

I can't.

[He says that quietly, miserably.]

I'm sorry. I can't.

[But he swallows, and says - ]

Just - ten years ago, he murdered my dad. And the reason that he took me in, and taught me all that he did, was because he wanted to...make me into someone who'd shame Dad's memory. And he'd have killed me.

You can. You fucking well can, if you don't--

[That's his anger again, flooding in quick--there's no such thing as defeat, after all, there's no such thing as giving up. And there's no excuse for doing it, and he's not going to let Edgeworth just-- throw it in like that. Not if there's something he can do to stop it.

There's no way he's a murderer. Sirius can't even fathom it--all the times they've talked, all the conversations they've had--Edgeworth didn't even want him shouting at people, much less anything stronger, and every time people on the ship got anxious and started talking bleakly about their situation, there was Edgeworth, digging his heels in like a bloody bulldog, growling at them all--

But Merlin, if he doesn't say what's actually happened--and all of this information about his dad, about this-- bastard, what was his name, even, who killed Edgeworth's dad, who raised him, and that sounds like the plot of a mad film instead of someone's life, and wouldn't it be fitting to end it with a murder--]

So it was self-defense, then.

No.

[His voice is low and unhappy. That would be justified, wouldn't it? That would make so much more sense. That would be better, in a way, than this. Von Karma attacking him, and one final moment of clarity, one final decision to just defend himself. Not this. Not the knowledge that he went down there to kill his mentor, and then the knowledge that his mentor turned up dead. Not this worry that - that maybe he'd done it, maybe he'd...

If it were self-defense, maybe he wouldn't feel so ill, so dizzy. He'd be justified. Righteous. Wouldn't he?]

He didn't attack me. At any point.

So what happened!

[The door of the cell is hanging open now, and finally Sirius can't wait, he just-- walks in, glaring at Edgeworth. It's idiotic to be separated by bars and doors and things when he's the one keeping the fucking cell locked in the first place.]

If it wasn't self-defense, then what happened?

I, um -

[Edgeworth looks down, now, staring at his feet like they're the most fascinating things in the world. How can he possibly say all this? How can he possibly face Sirius again once he's admitted to being a hypocrite, the greatest of hypocrites, a man not even worth knowing -

He swallows and says, quietly - ]

I did go down there to kill him. In cold blood. I had a gun, and I was going to do it. That's - crime enough.

[Again, he's left just staring at Edgeworth--but far more aghast this time, like he's just admitted to something far more bizarre, fathering a hippogriff or taking up with a vampire or something--and then he laughs, sort of distantly, because what the hell--]

You're not-- you're not serious. You were going to do it, and you didn't, you were-- that's not the same at all! That's intent, that's a thought, that's-- talking yourself into it, that's not the same as killing someone!

[He shakes his head, listless and miserable. Quietly, he asks - ]

Why are you so sure I didn't go through with it?

Because I know you.

[And now he crosses over to Edgeworth, and-- well, it's weird, looming over him, so he crouches down.]

Because I know you and I know you're not a bloody murderer. You probably don't even cross streets when you're not meant to. I don't know what the hell you're doing, but I know you.

[He's quiet a moment. Then, finally, he meets his eyes.]

I...But he - he turned up dead after. I...He turned up dead in - in the exact way I imagined killing him. I saw that video. If it wasn't me, then who could it have been?

What d'you mean-- don't you remember?

[That is a weird detail, to say the very least, and he stares at Edgeworth a second before he interrupts himself and anything he might answer with--]

You said you had the gun. Right? And then what?

And then I - I confronted him. I tried to pull the trigger, and...I couldn't.

[His lips twist bitterly, miserably.]

I dropped the gun and ran. That's...And then he was murdered by someone else.

[He swallows.]

That's what I remember. And no one could believe that story.

[He stares at Edgeworth and he wants to say-- something of use, something bracing and firm, but there's just... for once words fail him, and he stares hard at him, a ringing in his ears. This is mental, he thinks, more than once, but distantly. Because it's not, is it, because it happened.]

I believe you.

[He says it firmly--quietly, yeah, but--full of conviction, and when he repeats it, it's better still:]

I believe you. So. There you are.

[He looks up, meets Sirius' eyes, his face miserable and unhappy and yet - grateful. Really grateful. His hand comes up in an abortive sort of gesture that, if he hadn't lost his way halfway through, would have been a grateful punch to the shoulder.]

And you don't...I'm not a bad person for having thought about it.

Merlin, Edgeworth--

[This laugh is a little more genuine--still sad and quiet and a little bitter, but it's still a laugh, and he shifts forward to seize hold of Edgeworth's shoulder, gripping at him.]

You're not a bad person. You're the best person I know, nearly-- [James is better, but James is better than everyone, and maybe Remus has ascended some plane just below him, but there's Edgeworth there as well.] People think worse thoughts everyday. Hell, if everyone was arrested for their thoughts--everyone would be in a great deal of trouble.

You didn't do it. You didn't kill anyone. I don't know what the hell happened, but it wasn't you, and thinking about it is just that, thinking about it. And we're going to find out what happened.

[Edgeworth nods, quietly, and reaches out and grasps Sirius back. And then his throat closes and he finds he's crying, suddenly, unrestrained and miserable.]

But I - I don't even know - I thought that I'd done it, that I'd killed Dad, but I was wrong...What if I really did this? I don't - What if I don't even remember, I...

[His fist clenches tightly in his friend's sleeve. Maybe he's crazy. That's the heart of it. He's just - he's been here for so long, for so many months, and he just - he thinks maybe he's crazy.]

[He's never known what to do in situations like this, when there's-- real emotions, when someone is actually-- Merlin, but he's shit at this. All he can do is grab a little harder at Edgeworth's arm, bracingly, like he's got to hold him up or he'll collapse--]

But you didn't-- it's not as if it was the reverse of it, that you thought you were innocent and then it turned out you really had-- [That ought to be good news, really--grimly so, but still good. Congratulations, Edgeworth, you didn't kill your dad! Someone else did!] --that you really had done it. So that's the way it is here, because I know you, Edgeworth. I know what sort of person you are. You're not the sort that just-- murders people, not even over something like this--Merlin, anyone that thinks you would doesn't know you at all!

[And there's such conviction in Sirius' voice. That's not the tone of someone trying to convince himself of something; that's the tone of someone who really believes it. And that calms Edgeworth down. Even if this ends in disaster, even if whoever framed him did such a thorough job of it that no one but Sirius believes him, that he's found guilty of this crime and executed, the mere fact that there's someone who has this faith in him, without doubt, and that it's Sirius, who's been a true friend to him - That assuages some of his misery.

And the fact that he's so certain - that's better. That...makes up for Edgeworth's own uncertainty.

So that ugly rush of crying only lasts a few seconds. He catches a ragged breath a moment later and forces it away.]

I...Right. Right.

[He nods shakily.]

Right.

[And then, a moment later, he explains quietly.]

He...really hated my dad. Dad was the only one who ever scored a penalty against him in court. Aside from that, von Karma's record was flawless, but my dad found out he was using faulty evidence and had him formally reprimanded. That was what happened. Von Karma shot him in revenge.

[But even once Edgeworth has got hold of himself a bit better, Sirius still doesn't let go of his shoulder. It seems important to maintain that contact--at least for right now--because he'll have to leave, eventually, and that puts Edgeworth alone again.

And even as he's explaining the whole situation, Sirius still can't make sense of why he's here. Even if he has doubts, even if the evidence seems stacked against him--what little evidence there is, and some of it's got to be coincidence, right?--he's still voluntarily put himself into prison. That's as incriminating as going on the lam. There's something miserable in Edgeworth that would put him here, and Sirius doesn't know what to make of that--but he's willing to fight against it, even to Edgeworth himself.]

I thought-- how did you find out about all of that? Did he tell you?

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