ataraxionlogs | (CLOSED)

puppydogeyes) and assorted visitors.
LOCATION: All over.
WARNINGS: Swearing.
SUMMARY: Catch-all log for Tyke's week of blindness after the Mayor's event.

[She can't let it shut her down. The urge is strong, to close herself away the way she did after Dean left, after Tommy. Try to lose herself in something else, something that felt real, alcohol or violence or music. But it hadn't worked then, hadn't drowned out the way she was feeling, and it won't work now.

So she keeps going. Keeps her daily routine, exercise, swimming, walking the dogs in the gardens. Drops her patrol shifts, but still goes to the SEC offices, has her comms speak reports out to her, trying to deal with the fallout and damage the creatures have left in their wake. She isn't the only one blinded, she knows, has heard enough from medical to put together a connection to one of the types of creatures, but that doesn't mean they have a cure. That they'll ever have one. This could be her life from now on, could make her half useless at her job, half useless to their continued survival on this ship, thoughts that try to creep in any second she gives them the space to do so.

There's a decision that needs to be made. Cold truth to be faced. But she gives herself until the jump to avoid it, to force herself through each day at a time.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ afterwards, everyone has to pick up the pieces. derek's avoiding everyone, as is his habit when things have turned ugly. he avoids cora and he avoids scott, and he spends a punishing amount of time in the gym. derek's always turned his failings inward, made them about him and his body, made them physical things, tells himself they'd have been avoided if he were stronger, if he knew more, if--

well, the list went on.

he's in the gardens to stand over peter's grave. it's a terrible habit, but it's one he hasn't broken. he doesn't know if he'll ever break it, if it's all this time later and he still circles back, thinks about how he'd killed peter here but gone back and he'd been alive. but he finds tyke first, her and her dogs, and his first, immediate impulse is to turn and walk away.

but jabberwocky is close, head lifted expectantly, and derek stays stock still, letting her catch up, letting the dogs draw in around them. ]

Tyke.

[The range on her pathos means Taylor senses Derek a while before any of her dogs spots him. She isn't really looking for company, but that doesn't mean she's going to try and avoid people, either - she knows where that road goes, and it doesn't solve anything. Their paths cross, Derek waits for her, and she uses her dogs' eyes to at least have herself pointed in the right direction before she starts talking.]

Hey.

[There's a slight pinch to her brow, concerned, because she doesn't listen to Derek, but she can't help picking up on the fact something sounds different. Like a thread that's out of tune, distressed almost, but she stops herself from chasing it to get more of a grasp on what it is. Asks, instead,]

You alright?

[ derek scoffs softly. alright is so far out of reach it's almost laughable right now. for them both, maybe, but he doesn't say this to her. instead he moves closer, eyes on her face, on the way her gaze doesn't track his movements. ]

It happened to Isaac too.

[ and derek hadn't been there to protect him. he'd been busy, lashing out at people in the corridors, nearly killing his own sister, and the only thing that had reeled him in had been scott mccall. it was unforgivable, as far as derek was concerned. he's quiet for a moment, drawing a breath. ]

What happened?

[He avoids the question - or maybe answers it just in that - and her frown doesn't fade at all, considers pushing it. But he's asked about her sight, the most obvious thing (and it stings, that she can't hide it. The weakness is right there for anyone to see, to take advantage of), and she'd rather just answer and get it over with.]

They think it was one of the monsters. The ones with no eyes. You got any of their blood on you and--

[She gestures at her face, almost loose, but there's a tension there, in her shoulders and her spine. Viciously fighting a problem or attempting to ignore it, she can do both of those, but casually acknowledge it like it's not weighing on her so heavily isn't something she ever managed to grasp.]

Killed one of them on top of me. Got covered in it.

[She doesn't know if that will make any difference, if one drop meant temporary blindness and the amount that had fallen on her skin would make the matter permanent. Thoughts that have crossed her mind, but she can't let them stick. She's giving herself until the jump. That's when the future will have to become her priority.]

[ derek isn't pretending he knows how any of this works. things are different up here, and he no longer has peter's laptop to check. stiles has that, and stiles isn't--

well, derek doesn't think this is the right moment to push the issue. he steps up within arms reach instead, trusting the dogs and her senses when he reaches a hand out for her. ]

I can walk with you. If you want.

[ it's clear in the hum of his thoughts that this isn't him doubting her, not pity. it's comfort the only way derek knows how to give it, small, carefully bestowed touches. ]

[ Some of them are better at being blind than others. Back home, before C24, being blinded like this would have ruined John's life. Everything that he loves short of good pizza and beer requires sight. Here and now, though, it's a reminder of just how good his other senses are. They were tried by fire, his position outside of medical unwavering even when he couldn't see, when he had to rely on fists (because he sure as hell wasn't shooting blind) and hearing and smell to keep the creatures out. It had worked, too.

It's not that Reaper can continue his duties as usual, either; far from it. But he feels a little less useless, finding a spot to sit in and wait, blind and unassuming until someone gets a little riled and he can speak up. But he also knows that it's not that easy for everyone. Tyke has her dogs but it's hard, to rely on others (even her pack, which is practically an extension of Tyke herself). He takes the trip to her room as a result, counting the steps and feeling the wall just to double-check before knocking on the door. ]

Tyke? It's me.

[Clearing the creatures hadn't cleared whatever was stopping people from sleeping, and Taylor has little other point to be in her room. She'd rather be out, walking, or exercising, but every excursion like that was another example of the fact she couldn't see a damn thing. She doesn't want to shut herself away, hide from people or try to drown the situation in alcohol like before - she's been there enough times, she knows it won't help. But being on her own in her room for a short while is a rest, even if it doesn't involve any sleep, even if she can't stay so long that her mind starts dragging up the things she shouldn't be thinking about.

She's getting close to reaching that point when the knock on the door comes, and Reaper's voice following has her almost quickly standing to come open it (using her dogs as guides, stepping around them carefully). She knows if it was urgent he'd ping her comms, but the thought doesn't completely calm the immediate concern.]

Something up?

[It's the first thing she asks as the door opens, not as concerned about making sure she's 'looking' in the right direction, but hoping to point her speech at the right point.]

[ They're probably quite a sight, for anyone who can actually see. John's not bad at finding where to 'look', but that's only because his hearing is excellent and he can actually smell the difference when the door is opened, when Tyke and the dogs are standing there instead of metal. ]

Still can't sleep, still can't see a damn thing. Thought I'd come visit, find out if you're having any more luck than I am.

[ Beat. ]

Plus no one can make fun of a blind man for cuddling a chihuahua.

[ There's a grin in his voice while he says it, and while they can't see it, his hands both lower -- arms outstretched, palms up -- for any of the dogs that might want to come sniff or have their ears scratched. ]

[ She knows Taylor cannot see her, it's a fact she does not like in the slightest. Admittedly, certain clients have asked for it, have asked for sensory deprivation like that, but it was always reversible. Reversing it was as easy as removing the blindfold and allowing them to see again. But this— Irene can't fix this one as easily as that, she can't just make it go away with a simple removal of a blindfold and it twists something deep inside her. ( She could argue that it feels like a loss of control, but acknowledging that is something she'd like to in private and perhaps when she has no one around to call her out on it. )

She invites Taylor to her room ( she had said it was always open ) because it's normal, it's what they do. It's something that will make things feel fine, even if they're not. Right now the dogs are in the room, some are on the other bed that Irene's pushed closer to her own where Taylor is and Nosferatu has chosen to sit near Irene ( the end of the bed at least ). There's an idea to maybe not talk, that they could just stay silent with each other in the same room, but Irene has been busy and Taylor has been busy in her own way and she's curious. ]

How were things today? [ It's a loaded question, she knows that, but it seems best to ask it as opposed to any specific one. ]

(CLOSED)

the garden, fairly early on after the event i think.

no subject

no subject

cries eppy this is so late

dries your tears!!

the doghouse. i mean tyke's room.

no subject

no subject

irene's room like i think we decided, toward the end? also christ i am so sorry for the latness.