[ closedish ]

[swedge]

CHARACTERS: Jo Harvelle, Annabeth Chase James Potter and more
LOCATION: all over the place!
WARNINGS: can range from gore to psychological things to fluff
SUMMARY: these are my planned empathy links for October, taking place between october 11th through november 7th.
NOTES: this is closed to plotting, but I am still open if you would like to get in on this. my plotting post is here, so leave a comment there and we can make it work.


Because of how behind I am in general RP-terms, I am bowing down and kissing the ground you walk on and asking if you could possibly maybe PLEASE do the starter, if we have pre-plans with our characters. I know everyone's busy and everyone has a life but this would help me IMMENSELY like you don't even know.

HOWEVER, I have no problems with doing the starters if you're having problems with writing them up or coming up with something, so please let me know through plurk disarmingly if you'd prefer I did the opener, which is totally fine! Really! I'm just so behind and I don't anyone to have to wait on me for the start of things.

Also let me know if I have mixed something up or if I misunderstood something with the plotting. c:

Comments

[doggedly]

It's Snape, James-- Merlin, don't act as if--

[It's the second bit of the accusation that makes him flinch, the same way it had on the night that it happened. And he hates that he flinches, he hates that it's so easy to wound him over this--but it should be, right, because it's Remus that he put into danger.]

It wasn't going to kill him. It wasn't ever going to get to that point, he was just-- you know how he is! He goes on and on, until you can't stand it any longer, and then you want to either knock his stupid teeth in or shove him off of the Astronomy Tower--

[It's all excuses, and he knows that, too, and he knows that he deserves James staring at him like this--doesn't make it any easier to bear, doesn't make him feel any less like shit, like something under James' shoe. And he hates that, too, that he feels the need to apologise just to get James to stop looking at him like this--it's nothing to apologise for, it hasn't even happened for James yet and it doesn't fucking matter--]

I don't get expelled, and neither does Remus, and Snape, miraculously, keeps his big mouth shut-- look, it all ends up all right, James! It doesn't matter!

[heorot]

I don't care who it was!

[ and maybe that's where james' has changed. as much as he hates snape, as much as fifth year and sixth year james might have been a little more willing to agree to a prank like this, james saw the look on his own face. the look sirius sees when it's all over. when james finds him and deals with him and when it's all over.

you would have ruined more lives than just his. ]

Really? Because from what I could see, I come in last moment. Manage to stop Moony after he's- [ he understands what sirius is saying, though. he understands and he empathizes and he knows there have been times, more than he can count, when he's thought about it.

but he never did it.

maybe that's the problem james is having. maybe that's why he's so hung up on this, despite the fact sirius is right. it doesn't matter. things work out at the last minute and everyone is okay. but the problem is that things could have not turned out okay. and sirius seemed okay, in a dark, deep part of him that james only grazed, in his memory, with that. or maybe that was just james not really getting it, not understanding.

and the fact there are still parts of sirius he doesn't understand, is what scares him. ]

Fucking hell, Sirius. Just- fucking hell.

[ that last bit doesn't hold any of the same anger as anything he's said before. it's exhausted, pained, confused, a little lost and a little scared, but it's not angry. not anymore. he turns away from his best mate then, both of his hands going through his hair as the after-rage crash sets in. ]

[doggedly]

[Honestly, that tired tone is worse than anything else. If he's angry, Sirius can argue back. If he's shouting, then they can shout at one another, and maybe there's a punch that will be thrown, and they'll argue and glare and then it's over with. It's not quiet disappointment. It's not disapproval, it's not this-- tired, like he doesn't know what to do.

Sirius and James have always been together, in everything, since the day they met. It's mad, that there's anything that could divide them--however impermanently. Sirius already knew that this would happen--it happened to him already--and it happened with Peter too, didn't it? James, too loyal to see that something had to be done--or else so loyal that he saw and refused, even at risk to himself--for good reasons, for uncertainty, for so much--but that's it, isn't it. Sirius has always been capable of going a little farther. And that's good, that's always been good--

It was only when James looked at him, after it was all over--after Dumbledore's office, after the hospital wing--when it was just the two of them, going back to the dormitory in the grey morning light--and James had looked over at Sirius, and it had hurt, that look of--quiet sadness, a look that told him: they aren't the same at all, not really. Scratch Sirius and he still comes up Slytherin. That's what it is. And James, brave and stupid and willing to risk a werewolf attack to save Snivellus--to save Remus--

He scowls, unwilling to face that thought, unwilling to even consider it, not now--and that stubborn refusal urges on his anger, his frustration--]

What d'you want me to say? It was all right. It all-- worked out, and Snape is still alive, more's the pity-- [That same old joke, it would be better if he were dead, but it lacks humour, because it was so close to coming true--] --and he's not even here, and I wouldn't apologise, even if he were. And you wouldn't ask me to, either. I know you.

So what do you want? It doesn't matter.

[heorot]

I dunno.

[ and it's honest. more honest than just about everything else that's come out between the two of them here. james looks at sirius and sees the differences between them - the year sirius has on him, the things he's seen between then and here. the time on the ship, the life he's led. james sees the differences and doesn't see himself in them, and it's like someone is slowly knocking away at the ground under his feet. this isn't sirius. this wasn't sirius. but it had to have been, because it was his memory, and james...

james feels like he doesn't belong here. like he hasn't belonged here all along. and it's a weird feeling, a sick sort of curling at his gut, because with sirius he's always been home. always. at hogwarts, at his home, in hogsmead and diagon alley and wherever it was they ended up - as long as it had been them, he'd been okay. fine. comfortable. and it hasn't all changed, not completely. james isn't ever sure he could completely change how he viewed sirius, even if he (for some crazy, unknown reason) wanted to. but it's like finding a flaw in a perfect plan and knowing that it'll work, still, but not perfectly. there will always be that.

sirius is still angry, and most of james is glad for that. maybe, just maybe, it'll spring something else back in him. make it so they'll fight it out, throw a punch or two, and get over it. they'd gotten through the knowledge of the future, of what happens to them all and what to do about it. the issue with peter was still strained, but working out. they could work this out, but james knows - knows - it'll never quite go away. ]

You're right. It doesn't. [ and he wouldn't ask for the apology, either. maybe because james knows himself, knows he'll end up going to snape and trying to work it out himself. it'll fail, horribly, because it's snivellus, but he'll try. and he should have to tell sirius he should do the same.

james is just so tired. he turns back to sirius and that's all it is. tired. ] Does Remus know?

[doggedly]

[There has to be something James wants, and Sirius wants to insist on it. He has to be able to do something, to sponge out this weirdness between them--if it's a task or a fight or something, anything--because he can't stand this. It's worse than when they were fighting over Peter, it's just this tired dullness, and what the hell does he do with that?]

He doesn't know.

[He stares, furiously, at the floor. He can feel James looking at him, but he doesn't want to look up and see that same dullness in his gaze, like he hasn't even got the energy to be angry with Sirius. Like it's not worth it.

And Sirius remembers, now, what he'd mostly forgotten. James going after Snape, James saving his miserable life--for Remus' sake, maybe, but also because James is something Sirius isn't. There's something altogether a hero about him that Sirius lacks--Sirius, who still acts out of selfishness, who doesn't always think of others. Not when the others are his enemies. But James can see beyond that, because James is something Sirius is not. It's the only division that's ever been between them. It's like suddenly finding themselves on opposite ends of some chasm. And it's got to be because James is James, and Sirius is still a Black. Scratch him and there's a little Slytherin in there somewhere.

He hates that thought. The only worse thought is that James is angry, with him, and he can stand that even less.]

He doesn't know, and I'm not telling him.

[heorot]

[ james isn't surprised, really. james resists the urge to sigh because he knows it'll just infuriate sirius further, if he can see anything in the way he glares down at the floor. ot's awful, that swirling in his gut, that little voice saying that he's reprimanding his best friend and it makes him sick. this is sirius for god's sake. what is even going on? ]

No, that's...probably for the best. I don't-

[ he goes quiet again, shaking his head before he takes a breath. like if he waits for long enough, it'll all just pass. and maybe it will, but for now it hangs in the air like a malfunctioned stink bomb. it makes james want to screw up his face, to run for the next room, but that'd be ridiculous.

so instead, he tries to clear the air. there's no use staying mad and even if there's still that weight in his chest and on his shoulders, he can keep moving on. ] 'course I couldn't get a bloody Hogsmeade trip.

[doggedly]

[Anger is just filling in for everything else that he's feeling, all the little touches of sadness and desperation that he hates feeling. There's no world where James dislikes him--the idea is unimaginable--but that doesn't mean there's not a world where James could be well and truly angry with him, angry enough to give him a cold shoulder for a bit. Under normal circumstances, Sirius wouldn't care so much about that--let him sulk--but space is far from normal. He's already had James angry with him. The thought of that again is discomfiting, to say the very least.

(And it's not his fault, really. He feels guilty, but guilty because of Remus, because James found out and disapproves. He doesn't feel at all guilty over Snape. He doesn't deserve it.)

So thank God, then, that James breaks a bit of the tension with that line. Sirius glances over at him, sharply, as if he's got to determine whether James means it or not.]

Yeah, well. You were there, for all the Hogsmeade trips.

[If he's trying to move on, then it's not going to last, right? Because they're James and Sirius. Nothing like this lasts between them.]