ataraxionlogs | when your words mean nothing [closed]

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when your words mean nothing [closed]

CHARACTERS: bells [

faithlessly]
LOCATION: floor 12, in the halls outside dean's room
WARNINGS: language, some violence
SUMMARY: bells confronts dean about his "secret"

[ He's doing his best to remain calm. Granted, the anger is still there, right beneath the surface and ready to explode, but Dean deserves a chance or two to explain himself. Maybe. Probably not. He doesn't think he has the right considering all the stuff he's done over the past month and a half. Ignoring him, treating him like a stranger, almost killing Jo. There are a few other suspicions he has (namely one he's going to shake out of him if he has to), but--

That can wait.

Bells leans against the door to Dean's room, arms crossed and staring at the floor. He has no plan, didn't think that far ahead. He's there, and Dean's going to be there. So, when he shows up, he doesn't even bother to wait for the man to reach him. He moves forward, steps quick and expression twisted. ]

You wanna tell me what the fuck is wrong with you.

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[ dean takes his goddamn sweet time getting there. he does muse about not showing up, because he knows an angry bells when he sees one, and this one... something's crawled up his ass and dean's not too eager to find out what. as far as he knows though, he hasn't done anything wrong by the angel, not in a while, and it had felt like their last conversation, before this mess of where the fuck are you, had gone decently well.

but as much as he doesn't want to, dean does eventually drag his butt to the twelfth floor, and finds bells there, waiting. looking mighty angry, too, if the way he's suddenly coming closer is anything to go by. ]

I think I'm the the one who's supposed to be asking you that.

[ because seriously what the fuck. ]

You're the one obviously all backed up 'bout something here.

[ Their last conversation had been right before he'd talked to Jo. Funny how that always seems to happen, isn't it? Good with Dean until he finds out something he should have been honest with him about from the beginning. He'd even (sort of) let his attitude go from before. Now, though, this is more than personal.

He thinks he does pretty good not immediately lashing out and gripping him by his shirt to yank him around. Bells has the strength to do it, after all. He just likes fitting in more than that. ]

More like you forgot to mention one little thing from before. [ He crosses his arms to keep his hands from strangling him. Not yet. ] You think I wasn't gonna find out about it? Were you ashamed or something?

[ Because that's all he's got, and that's all he knows to say. If Dean had trusted him enough, wouldn't he have confided in him? He's not human, has never been. He wouldn't have turned him away. He would have helped him. ]

[ okay, dean knows for sure something is very very wrong and he's fucked up somehow. the details though? still a little blurry, and dean cant find the necessary pieces even after bells spits out words about secrets and shame. ]

What the fuck, man? What the hell're you going on about?

[ sorry, bells, it's been years since dean was a vampire, and the memories of his time on the tranquility aren't as sharp as they could be. that, and he'd never told bells about his incident, so--

so fuck him for being this way!! ]

What thing?

Don't act like you don't know what you did. [ Fuck, that makes him angrier, and this time, he does push into his space and grip at the edge of his shirt. ] You bitched at me for hurting her, and what? So you can turn around and do the same damn thing?

[ Bells doesn't have any idea that none of that is fresh. Maybe he doesn't want to know because it's not fair to anyone he's hurt thus far. None of this is fair. ]

Guess it makes sense why you didn't wanna have anything to do with anybody.

[ oh- oh no, it is that. dean blinks, and even when bells rushes closer, grips at his shirt and demands answers, dean can't find the words, not right away. he hates what he did, how it had gone down, and that even now, it's biting him in the ass. ]

It wasn't like that.

[ he shoves bells then, tries to. ]

I never meant to fuckin' hurt her, you-- you don't even know what the hell you're talking about.

[ so fuck off pls and ty. ]

Then what was it like? [ Explain it to him. He seriously doesn't get it. ] I saw it, Dean. She told me what you did.

[ Which is why, when he shoves him, he pushes back and yanks him forward, hand curling into his collar so he doesn't get any ideas about escaping. ]

How many others did you do that to, huh? [ Suspicions, of course, but he wants the truth from him because he can't ask the one person he's worried about now. Bells glares at him. ] Bet you enjoyed it, didn't you?

It's none of your business.

[ he shoves at bells again when yanked, throws more of his weight into it because why not when he's being such an ass about this? bells wasn't there, he has no idea what went down, what being a vampire had been all about. none. and dean won't let him think otherwise. ]

What happened between anyone and me? My business, their business. Not yours, asshat.

[ let go of him!! ]

Plus, I tried to keep them away-- her away, but she found me. [ and it had simply domino'd after that. ]

[ He isn't prepared for that, falling back a step or two, but it doesn't cause him to let up. If anything, it just pisses him off all over again. Bells pulls at him, arm flexing when he drags Dean up on his toes. ]

That's a fucking stupid excuse. People worry about you, you dick. If it's one thing I learned, the more you push someone away, the harder they try to get close. [ And he shakes him a little. ] So. Try again.

You wanna get yourself killed, starve yourself-- That is your business. Sorry isn't gonna cut it this time.

[ Honestly, he doesn't even know why he's bothering. Dean's an idiot, and maybe he's one too for getting this worked up. People die all the time, sure. Still... Bells drops him and slams him backwards into the wall next to them. ]

You could've asked someone to help you instead of trying to run away like a damn coward.

[ he knows people worry, and it's because they do that he'd done as he had. hiding away, hopefully just.... starving to death, or whatever, that way he wouldn't come into human contact, and people wouldn't have been able to find him.

but no, he'd failed, and there was no excuse for that.

the shake ends with dean losing some of that fire, though he still glares at bells. ]

And what? There was no way to help me, Bells, none. It was either hide away or-- or get my head chopped off. I tried both, neither worked.

[ also careful with the slamming, christ. ]

I know I fucked up, alright? I know. And if you don't think I don't hate myself for it-- then you're fucking wrong.

[ Maybe it should matter that he's not really resisting anymore, that he's basically shoving him around like a doll, but it doesn't sift through all that anger. He's mad at him for being stupid, mad at him for doing what he had. Why does he think he has the right to feel that way? ]

You don't know that. Did you even bother asking? [ He already knows the answer, doesn't know why he's even trying to figure it out. ] But good to know you've got some kinda fucking conscience after all.

[ Bells shoves him again, more a punch to the shoulder than anything--quarter strength (to be nice). ]

Figure it out, and fix it. Or you're gonna wish you had.

Don't fuckin' tell me what to do.

[ it's snapped out, yet dean just ends up grunting at the shove-punch, hands curling around bells' wrists. he would talk to jo, to october, if he thought it would fix anything. but october is asleep, and jo...

maybe it'd be better for him to stay away, after everything. at the rate they've been going, dean feels that he's brought more shit into her life than anything good. ]

You talk a whole lotta shit, you know-- for someone who fuckin' ventured off to explore the ship. Who the hell was I supposed to ask?

[ you were gone, cas was asleep, sam... is a baby, and jo... just looking at jo drives him crazy. ]

[ Is that supposed to make him feel sorry for him? Is that supposed to make all of this better? Maybe, for a second, he hesitates, eyes dropping to the hold he has on his wrist before looking right at him. ]

You think that was fun? You think I just went off down there to forget about what was happening here? Fuck that. [ And he's angry now, so much more than he had been before all of this. ] People I cared about were getting hurt, and I didn't even think it could be anyone on this fucking boat. Maybe those things that live here. Maybe-- Dammit, I don't know.

Not you though. I never thought you'd do it, okay? You could've told me any time, but you were too busy being an asshole to try. [ Bells takes a breath and jerks his hand free easy as he pleases. ] We're friends, Dean. I don't just leave my friends like they're nothing when they're in trouble. But I can't read your damn mind. [ He's not that kind of angel. ]

You have to actually say it.

[ there isn't anyone else dean blames but himself for it, but right now, with bells up in his face about shit, it's easy to just let the anger lash out, to call him out on his mistakes as well.

dean scoffs, twists a smile at him that only lasts a second or two. ]

Yeah? Well, sur-fucking-prise, man. It wasn't like I planned the whole thing, but it happened-- anyone can do it. [ dean's never denied being fucked up, being a piece of shit, not really. of course, he never expected to turn into a vampire either, yet one thing had lead to another and ta-daa, shit had hit the fan. he'd become the monster, just like bells hadn't expected. ]

What would you have done, huh? You didn't have the cure, nobody did. Would you have cut my head off? 'Cause that's what it would've come down to, man.

[ Oh, so he's doing that now, is he? For a second, Bells considers rolling his eyes at him. Or punching the smug bastard in his mouth, see how he likes that. But there's just something holding him there, something that might be Jo's voice yelling after him when he'd left her room.

you're just as bad as he is

Maybe he is. And so what? They're completely different, and nothing is going to convince him otherwise. Bells grips at Dean's jacket kind of hard. ]

Don't give me that. You could've done better, and you fucking know it. [ He grits his teeth. ] Didn't have the cure, sure. But I had what you needed, which is better than taking it from someone you almost killed.

[ Which is actually pretty selfless for him considering. He shoves him back again, not even in the slightest concerned if he cracks his head on the wall. ] Why can't you trust me?

[ dean blinks, hard, at what bells is getting at. he doesn't quite land on the same page though, because as far as he's concerned, if he'd fed on anyone, they would die because control? yeah, forget about it, he'd tossed that out the window the moment he'd freed himself from his room. ]

So what? Drain you instead? Fuck that-- [ he struggles again, only to bump his head with an angry sounds against the wall, hissing quietly in pain after... ]

Why the fuck would I? You go from flippin' out on me to bein' high in seconds, and-- shit, you really think I'd have come to you?

[ he knows bells' life on the ship has been shitty lately, but it had been all the more reason not to seek him out. dean had tried to handle things by himself, had failed, and there was no changing that now. ifs and why nots have no place here anymore. ]

And now this? Yeah, trust, sure.

You're still not getting it, are you? [ Fuck. How dense is he? The anger's there again, burning bright and far too hot to let go of, but Bells tries. He tries because he knows what will happen if he doesn't. Dean could very well end up hurt or dead. As much as he'd threatened to do it, there's some sort of attachment there.

He'd been his friend when he'd lost Lor. They'd gotten...close. Ish. They understood each other enough to know, to realize, and still, it always came down to this. The bitterness, the baiting, the hurt. ]

Who else do you have, huh? Jo, your brother? That other dick? [ He means the angel, can't bring himself to say it. His hands loosen, and he's taking a step back. ] You wouldn't have killed me. I'd have helped you. [ He grits his teeth. ] But I really hope you like being alone. 'Cause that's where you're heading acting like this.

[ And that's it. That's all he has to say to him now, so he turns away with the intent to leave him there. Conversation over or not, he's sick of looking at him. ]

[ once bells backs off, dean almost wants to go right after him with a fist to the face, but he doesn't. he stays there, one hand against the wall he'd just been shoved against, the other curled into a fist at his side. he hears what bells is saying, sort of, hears it an knows it's true but everything's clashing inside of him; the person he'd been, has become on this ship, and the person he's grown into over the years back home.

he doesn't have jo. he doesn't have sam. castiel is gone. and now bells is walking away, too. he should stop this, should just accept that he's wrong, that he's fucking this up more than he needs to. but he can't, doesn't, and instead lets him go. ]

Whatever.

[ it's quiet, growled though starting to lack the fire. ]

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when your words mean nothing [closed]

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