notthesecondworstfighter: ([Post-Project] crouch)
Agent Washington ([personal profile] notthesecondworstfighter) wrote in [community profile] ataraxionlogs2014-01-13 01:56 pm

[open]

CHARACTERS: Agent Washington and You!
LOCATION: The bar
WARNINGS: Drinking. Angsting. Probable cursing. Fun stuff, right
SUMMARY: In realizing that on top of everything else awful on this ship, his friend and...sort-of friends are all gone, Wash decides to hit the bar to maybe get wasted. Or at least to grump around and frown at everyone.


It's taken a pretty impressive amount of time, but he's finally hit the end of his patience with Tranquility.

Of course, he's hated it from day one, hated being brought here out of nowhere, being trapped, being toyed with like they all have. But this is the final straw. When he realized that everyone he knew from "home" is gone, excepting perhaps the one he'd like to be gone, that was it. He was angry, incredibly so. It was the one thing that was kind of okay about the place, the fact that Tex, Church, Delta, and especially York were here. They were familiar, not to mention people he'd lost back home. The fact that they were alive again here... It was like the one perk. But now he's alone again, and it's both the most frustrating and distressing thing. And he's not exactly sure how to deal with it.

It crosses his mind to break something, but is there really any point to smashing things around this place? It's not as though he can do the amount of damage he'd like to, and it would likely end up leaving him more frustrated. Besides, he's not entirely petulant, he reminds himself that he's capable of controlling himself. As appealing as doing some damage sounds about now.

He supposes that he could stick to his room and just angst away, but that's unproductive, and it's already here he spends most of his time. So in the end he heads down to the bar to get a much needed drink. Or several. He's avoided complete intoxication since he got here, always wanting to be ready in the event that something happens, but tonight? Tonight he decides he doesn't give a fuck because he's got too much on his mind that he simply doesn't want to deal with.

So that's exactly where he finds himself now. Sitting, quite alone, in the corner of the bar, a beer grasped tightly in one hand, with the empty bottle he finished not long ago sitting off to the side. He's in his ship's uniform, but about now he's wishing he'd just shoved himself into his armour because the bar is freezing. Hindsight. But he ignores the cold as best he can, just sitting stiffly, aggressively trying to avoid his own thoughts and failing as he occasionally takes a long pull from the bottle in his hand. He'll glance over when he notices someone else around, but mostly he takes to ignoring everything. Because maybe he's a little petulant at times. But no one ever said he had healthy ways of coping with things.
rubblegoddess: (pic#6286932)

[personal profile] rubblegoddess 2014-01-13 10:06 pm (UTC)(link)
It's odd for Juliana to go exploring in places like this, places she thinks might be seedy and unfamiliar to her human self. Sure, she'd seen the lot of them as an AI, but being there physically is different. It's exciting, isn't it? She's been here once before, but that was with someone, and she only had a delicate little drink at that time. Someday, she swears she'll get drunk and cause all the trouble, just because she can. For now, she'll be conservative, though.

She shows up at the bar all decked out in her flight suit, hair pulled back into a low ponytail with little wisps hanging obnoxiously around her face. Tucking one back behind her ear, she leans on the bar and taps her fingers on the bartop to get the bartender's attention.

"Soda and... ah, something. Vodka?"
rubblegoddess: (pic#6065017)

[personal profile] rubblegoddess 2014-01-14 12:31 am (UTC)(link)
She hasn't noticed him yet, so she turns curiously, eyebrows raised, at the sound of his voice. She'd come down here to be alone for a bit, to plot and plan out of the way and out of sight. It's not customary for her to seek solitude, but it's nice. Just sit in the corner, right? Stir her drink, not bother anyone, figure out how she can stop being human and start being useful.

It's a surprise, then, to see him here. She usually assigned this place to sad people... If Wash is sad, she's going to have some real work to do. He looks down, she supposes, or at least somehow out of sorts. Handsome as always, which raises the flicker of a smile as she walks over.

Ah, wait. She pauses, going back to the bar to scoop her drink up before formally heading Wash's way.

"I came here once and had a nice conversation with someone."
rubblegoddess: (pic#6065033)

[personal profile] rubblegoddess 2014-01-14 02:55 am (UTC)(link)
It's just part of her natural charm, isn't it? She put him before the drink, almost forgot it in her haste to go see to him. But that's how she is with her important people. The useful, the helpful, those she needs and wants ot protect come first. It's a must.

"I thought that maybe it would help me think."

She hovers by the table for a moment, unsure if he really wants her to sit or not. Raising an eyebrow, she silently seeks confirmation before gracefully taking a seat.

"The last time I was here, I spoke to someone about dreams. Memories. My past and maybe even my future."
rubblegoddess: (pic#6286970)

[personal profile] rubblegoddess 2014-01-14 04:54 am (UTC)(link)
Maybe they came here for different things, but his presence comforts her greatly, settling her down as she leans forward and places her elbows on the table. She looks more put together than usual, jumpsuit properly buttoned for once, though the sleeves are rolled up to just below her elbows. They pull uncomfortably when she leans in, so she leans back slightly to fuss with them.

"It was. Remember how I told you that people were seeing my past and my thoughts? That's what happened. He saw my beginnings. It made me think about, you know..." A gentle smile. "Newer ones." Stirring her drink, she looks him over.

"That's enough about me. What's wrong?"
rubblegoddess: (pic#6286969)

[personal profile] rubblegoddess 2014-01-14 05:57 am (UTC)(link)
"You haven't been grumpy or terse with me yet."

Shrug. She'll just smile a bit more, lean forward, and inspect whatever he's drinking. There are just certain expectations she has of him, that he'll disapprove immediately, that he'll be quick with showing that disapproval on his features and posture. Instead he just seems... stiff, perhaps? Nothing seems tragically wrong.

"Maybe I'm thinking too hard. If you're fine, that's good. I don't want you to be unhappy."

A deep breath, then a sigh. "I'm sure I'm imagining things. I've had a long day."
rubblegoddess: (pic#6286979)

[personal profile] rubblegoddess 2014-01-14 06:42 am (UTC)(link)
Shaking her head, she situates herself in the chair so that she has her legs crossed underneath her.

"I'm so used to you being grumpy that it's strange when you're not."

She tilts her head to the side, examining him. Yes, maybe she's just imagining things. Better that way. He doesn't need to be unhappy. So she'll just smile at him, gentle and curious. Still simply stirring her drink idly, not taking a sip, not paying it much mind at all. Her focus is all on him.
rubblegoddess: (pic#6286947)

[personal profile] rubblegoddess 2014-01-14 07:31 am (UTC)(link)
Delta.

The word hits her like a ton of bricks, and her usual smile falters. The corners of her mouth turn down rather slowly, and she forces herself to not frown because this isn't about her, this is about Wash and his woes and whatever she can do to help.

"I'm... sorry. Delta... was a friend of mine. not, I'm sure, you know, as good as for you, but... I'm so sorry." Fumbling for words, she taps her fingers on the table and looks around nervously before turning her attention on him. Because what would she do if she lost Jai? For that matter... what would she do if she lost Wash? Delta was her comrade, a fellow AI, but they weren't nearly as close as she is to her two boys. What would she do, drink? Cry? Wander aimlessly?

She imagines she'd like to be alone, somehow. There's a part of her that wants to declare that it's fortunate he's not alone, that she's here for him, but that does no good. That's ripping the bandaid off just too slowly.

Never intending to drink it, she'd picked up her own beverage just as a formality. Now she pulls it into her hands and takes a long sip through the tiny straw she was given.
rubblegoddess: (pic#6065014)

[personal profile] rubblegoddess 2014-01-16 04:10 am (UTC)(link)
Juliana gets awkward these days. But she tries not to show it. She sits up a little straighter, putting the drink back on the table before resting her hands on the edge, fingers curled onto the surface. It wouldn't be right to let him down. It's her job to take care of him, a self-imposed vocation. But those silent minutes disquiet her, even though she understands that sorrow and that she, too, would feel lost if she was almost completely alone.

Dead. He speaks, and her stomach drops. Dead. Like her. Nothing to return to. Darkness and whatever lay after for those who were human, nothing at all for the AI, for her friend. It makes her throat close up and she tips her head to the side, a gesture that says she's listening, though perhaps not processing. She doesn't know how close he was to them, so she can't really comment, can she? All her impulses tell her to offer a hug, to leave him alone, to somehow fix this or comfort him. There's no way, though. There's no quick solution.

How does she do this? No programming addresses this, no protocol tells her about mourning. That's what this is. Smiling isn't a good idea, nor is speaking. Not for a while. But she can't help it. Taking a deep breath, she finally finds her words. Not blind optimism or sunshine and rainbows, just her honest thought.

"I wish I could help." Because she knows she can't.
rubblegoddess: (pic#6065035)

[personal profile] rubblegoddess 2014-01-19 03:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Death, better than this? It's a very personal thing for her to think about, and her expression shifts to one of grim seriousness. Here, at least she has Jai. And Wash. And others she's met. Friends, comrades, people to watch over: everything she could want. To be dead as an AI is to be nothing. Erased. Gone. There's no AI heaven or whatever religious thing people want to believe in. There is simply an end to knowledge, to processing, to existing. Ceasing to be. Wash was right before. This place is her second chance.

But this isn't about her, and she can't make it about her even though every part of her urges her to do so. It's Wash, and she cares about him and his feelings, so doing that... Well, it might make him feel worse, and she doesn't want that. Even if it's true and even if it's scaring her, she can't--won't--say it. So she sits there in silence, sipping at her drink and avoiding eye contact.
rubblegoddess: (pic#6775755)

[personal profile] rubblegoddess 2014-01-20 04:25 am (UTC)(link)
More silence, then, as she waits for him to drink his fill. She ca't touch her own; her stomach is too turned by the topic and she wonders if perhaps she looks a little pale. She feels the blood's drained from her face a bit, but a sigh ought to help shake that out. She has to forget herself right now.

It's not that he let off all that steam, but that maybe... well, she supposes he forgot that nothing's waiting for her at home. Or did she never tell him? Surely she told him. This has hit painfully close to home. Were she to leave, she would be nothing. And if she were to leave, would she be missed? Would anyone drink to her memory, or to drown it out?

"I..." A sigh, and she looks down steadfastly at her drink. "I don't know what to think. But none of them would want you to mourn too much. A few drinks, perhaps a song."

It might not be the right thing to say, but that's what the people of the Rubble did. Celebrate. Remember. But then move on, quickly and efficiently, because life there was a constant, delicate balance. All in her hands, at that. She shoves a hand in her pocket as she unfolds her legs from beneath her, settling properly in the chair.

"You're not alone. I know it isn't much for me to say it, but..." Fiddling around with something for a moment, she holds out a closed hand across the table.
rubblegoddess: (pic#6286932)

[personal profile] rubblegoddess 2014-01-20 03:20 pm (UTC)(link)
It's alright that he's forgotten; she doesn't mind, on some level. It was part of her duty, and part of what she needed to do, so this silly "human" part of her existence is really little more than an experiment. It's as though it's a dream, rather than reality. So if she were to wake from this dream, there would be nothing. And would she be forgotten, or would someone--anyone--mourn her? It's something she's pondered before, even prior to this place. What was her place, what is her place in the grand scheme? It was her pleasure and her duty to die to save a million people who may now not even remember her.

Would it be the same here? Would she just disappear, forgotten? Just a part oif the scenery and necessary operations?

Her voice is thin, but she smiles. "I want to give you something." Turn her hand over, she opens her fingers to reveal a small rock in her palm. Craggy, ruddy, it sits there looking entirely unimpressive. Her gaze doesn't leave his face, though, as she waits for a reaction.

"There are good wishes of over a million people in this. It keeps me from feeling alone, too." And she moves her hand forward, urging him to take it.
rubblegoddess: (pic#6775755)

[personal profile] rubblegoddess 2014-01-24 05:12 am (UTC)(link)
A sad smile comes to her face, but there's sincerity there. Undeterred by his apprehension, she pauses for a moment, considering things. Should she give him an elaborate explanation? Should she be simple and direct?

It isn't about pity or anything of the sort, not something she's giving him because he's sad, or lonely. She imagines she would have done it eventually, as she slowly comes to the realization that she has more than a little bit of protectiveness with regard to him, a connection, a sort of odd desire for companionship and friendship that transcends her ability to feel as an AI, and is therefore shiny and new. Not a notion of pity, not in this action, but in solidarity, and in some ways in fear. A gesture that one million people loved her, and that the feelings of one million and one will be passed on to him.

"A piece of an asteroid. The Rubble. My home." She clears her throat and half shrugs, trying not to be awkward. "I just thought... maybe it would help. I was going to give it to you anyway, now just seemed like... maybe you need it. Or something. Was that selfish of me?"
rubblegoddess: (pic#6287063)

[personal profile] rubblegoddess 2014-01-28 04:16 am (UTC)(link)
She should have waited. Maybe she's jumped the gun and he's offended that she's being so forward and perhaps even sentimental. Juliana is about to bolt from the table when he speaks, and she removes her hands from its surface, taking her seat again. In fact, an apology is quick on her lips, drowned out by his words.

The fact is that she likes his gruffness, somehow. She likes that she's slowly chipped away at his reservations and discovered a good man (in her opinion) beneath it all. There's just something appealing about someone who wants to hide everything from someone who wants to know everything. If she can make his secrets be strung out forever, if there is always something new to learn, she'll be happy. That's what she wants from him, the mystery, the stoic moments right alongside the near-petulant ones. It occurs to her that right now what she wants to do is wrap her arms around him, rub a hand over his back and tell him that it's okay, that she's here, that as long as they're both working together, everything will be okay. It's strange, but it's how she feels.

"You're welcome." She sounds surprised by her own words, by the turn of events. Ducking her head, she sighs. "I... thought it might help. I broke it a little while ago, and I've kept that piece in my pocket. I still have the rest, of course."
Edited 2014-01-28 04:19 (UTC)

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