ataraxionlogs | I wanna find another daydream, another nightmare

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I wanna find another daydream, another nightmare

CHARACTERS: Harry Potter & ???
LOCATION: Triple Hit: M&M's rooms, the med bay's incinerator (optional), and some part of the gardens.
WARNINGS: Death, some gore.
SUMMARY: After returning to the Tranquility, Harry has a few final chores he feels responsible for.
NOTES: If you'd like me to put up a prompt for him visiting the med bay, let me know and I'll cobble it together.

Mairon and Melkor's Quarters

It’s an ugly job, but someone has to do it.

Someone has to go and visit Melkor and Mairon's old rooms, sort through their things, and dismantle any magical traps that might have been left behind. Familiar, perhaps overly so, with their pretences and skills, Harry reasons that he's a good fit for the unpleasant duty. It's being pragmatic, not giving into a guilty conscience or an over-active sense of responsibility.

He does not tell anyone where he's going, but as he works he wards the doorway to give him notice of visitors and leaves the door itself open. No secrets here.

Oxygen Gardens

There's a little, cheap blue plastic bag in his hand. It's neatly sealed and he hasn't buried it or opened it, but it's there and it feels as if it weighs more than it actually does. Sitting on the grass, Harry looks out into the depths of the gardens, past the neat rows used for cultivation and into the wild heart of the thing.

Since he got onto a returning shuttled, he'd felt cold, almost empty, but the rust of returning emotion isn't welcome. It hurts. His anger is hot and burns worse than the brand on his chest. There's no target for him and so all he's left with is a new set of regrets, another scar, a few pictures, and this thrice-damned bag of ash.

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Jack catches that tightness - he was a soldier, and a conman, and he has training to recognize little gives like that. But for now, he'll file it away and let Harry rest the hand on his elbow. He appreciates the sentiment behind it, and honestly, if he'd gone in for a hug, he certainly wouldn't have turned that away either.

The phrase throws him off. Tea-towel for trousers? It's enough to set him off balance for the next comment. "Up and about?" he asks. Why wouldn't he be up and about? He's fine. Good as new. Other than the nightmares. It's Ianto that he's more worried for. His anxieties haunt him much more during the waking hours than Jack's have a habit of doing, after all.

Harry's recollection of leaving Arima is a bit disjointed and for the time being, he's shelved most of those memories to be worked through at a later date. He knows he'll have to examine his actions and what he recalls of them, but for now, it can wait.

"Yes, and it's good to see. I've, well, I tend to throw myself into work after things like that." Which implies it's happened before and he's going through the motions that served him in the past. "And, Ianto? He's ...I didn't catch everything that happened, but you found each other?"

Jack nods in response to the question. "Yeah, we found each other. Got each other out safe," he says, vaguely. If Harry doesn't know how much he recalls about being there, Jack isn't about to trigger a memory. The less people that remember him stone cold dead with his insides on the outside, the better.

Jack takes in a breath and lets it out. "Ianto's handling things as best he can, I think. From what I've gotten from him, you guys have been through a lot. He's got a pretty similar view regarding how soon he needed to go back to work, that's for sure," he says, with the quirk of a smile.

"If there's anything I can do for you, for either of you, just let me know?" There's an odd expression that rapidly comes and goes, leaving Harry to shake off a memory. He's made that offer before and it didn't turn out well, but he's not about to change that part of himself.

"And I'm well enough," he says with something like a casual shrug. "I didn't get battered around too badly. Only a couple of scratches here and there that'll be gone soon enough. My people, unless it's very bad or done by magic, it heals cleanly."

Jack nods. "Good to hear," he says quietly. He knows that there were others who weren't quite so lucky, as far as this latest ordeal was concerned. As far as Harry's offer? Well. He and Ianto aren't really the sorts to ask for help. But he'll keep the offer in mind, regardless. Harry's a good kid, even if he did get mixed up with the wrong sort.

"I should be thanking you, anyway. For your handiwork, with the ring. Probably didn't say as much as I should have in the moment," he says, directing the conversation to lighter subjects. "It turned out well, though. He certainly liked it, and that's what counts in the end, yeah?"

"I'm so glad he likes it and you like it," he says with a smile that's easy and genuine. From their previous conversations, Jack likely knows that Harry is a bit of a soft touch when it comes to romance. "You did well with him, I think. I mean, I'm not really particularly clever at that sort of thing, but from what I know, you're each lucky to have the other."

Sap. Giant, tender-hearted sap.

Jack quirks a smile at the whole 'you did well with him' comment. "I think you should mean, I'm lucky I've made it this far without screwing it up. There have been more than a few close calls..." he says, with a chuckle. He recognizes Harry's a sap, and is willing to give him something. This whole emotion thing makes him a little uncomfortable though so he will hide behind other things as much as he can, to cover that up.

"That Ianto Jones can have a mean temper, if you're not careful to set him off. You should have seen how mad he'd get about the state of the SUV, sometimes," he says, smiling fondly. Ah, the fights they'd had at times, about the state of it on return from missions. Ah, the make-up sex they'd had afterwards.

"I'll take note and make sure never to leave a messy SUV anywhere near him." Clearly, that's the important take-away message here.

"It's funny. If I'd've stayed home, back on Earth, I'd probably be married by now." It is funny, in a humourous sort of way, but there's also something else there in his expression. It's much easier for him to cheer on other people's relationships and entanglements than it is for him to have his own.

Jack laughs and shakes his head at Harry's take-away there, although when he speaks up it's in agreement. "Don't say I didn't warn you," he says, with a chuckle.

The second comment sobers Jack a little, and Jack can feel the conversation shift a little. He cocks his head at Harry slightly, moving to put his hands in his pockets, rocking on his heels slightly. "Do you have someone at home waiting then?" he asks, as nonchalantly as he can.

"I used to, but not any more. We might, if I get back talk about it again, but she was here for a while and I don't know if she liked who I was here." Harry isn't always the best at expressing his feelings, but this is something he can talk about and thinks that he really rather ought to. "It's not that she thought I wasn't the person she used to know, just that, in her words, she didn't really know me much at all."

"Not a bad thing, but not something you want to hear. Even when it's true." Especially then.

Ouch. Jack resists the wince he feels coming on at that statement. He's been in those shoes, Harry. Maybe not specifically, but people have used those very same words against him in different circumstances, and it was just as true then as well. He had loved them, but that hadn't meant he could trust them.

Jack wants to ask about whether timelines had anything to do with it, but he's not sure in all honesty whether it'll be a delicate question or not. In the end, talking about Harry's problems will always be easier than talking about his own though, so. "What makes you say that it's true?"

He needs to do something with his hands, so he walks back over to his workstation and picks up some bit of metal that needs to be cleaned with steel wool.

"It's a bit difficult to explain out of context, but the short version, is that before our war, I was known for something I did that brought a lot of attention but didn't really require skill on my part." He looks down and adjusts how he's been cleaning the bolt before continuing. "And she, Ginny - her name's Ginny - she said she was fond of me, but really rather liked the idea of The Boy Who Lived."

Jack can likely hear the capitalization on that particular term, and there's a pause as he wrinkles his nose up at the phrase.

Jack follows, trailing behind Harry at a comfortable distance. If he didn't think it might be an invasion of his space, he might even sit down and help him work. Instead he makes himself comfortable to talk.

Even Jack has to raise his eyebrows at how shallow a statement that is - fancying someone for the idea of them but not actually the person themselves. He knows, he's been there before too. Jack is no stranger to hero-worship as well, both in his direction, and well. Jack doesn't think he will ever fully get over the Doctor. "Ouch," he says, not able to hold that back anymore. "Doesn't sound like the most ideal situation, no."

"No, but at least, at least we recognized it." Which is to say, Ginny said it aloud and told him that it wasn't something they could really work past given the circumstances. Harry would've tried and kept on trying, but that's the sort of twit he is. "And she's a really good person. Really clever, once we had a moment to ourselves to think about it and what we were doing."

He wonders if the Tranquility hadn't taken them and enforced a little time apart, what would've happened. ~~THE EPILOGUE, SCREEE.~~

Ahem.

"Maybe things will be different between us when we get back or maybe not. I ...well, I feel a bit like a traitor, but I don't know that I'm really suited to get married and have children."

Jack chuckles slightly. "You never know what could happen. I wouldn't exactly consider myself suited for marriage or children either, but I've been there and done that and am going there all over again, as you've probably surmised from the whole ring thing, so."

He reaches out to clasp a hand on Harry's shoulder. "Don't beat yourself up about it. You're young. Relationships shift and change. You're right, at least you recognized when things went sour. Spoke to each other about it when it did. That's really the best you can do, in any given relationship," he says, shrugging. He's been through enough of them to know.

He is young, but he doesn't always feel young. Soon he'll be older than his father ever was and that's going to hurt.

"I know, but it's going to be odd, getting back and seeing all my friends married and probably with children on the way. And I --" He looks as if he's about to say one thing, but then thinking better of it just leans into the touch for a moment. He's fairly tactile and appreciates the gesture. "The thing is, most wizards get married almost as soon as they're out of school or they don't marry at all."

Turning away from Jack, he picks up a fresh bolt to scrub. "It's not a bad system. We just have a lot fewer options than most and I suppose being here, seeing what else is out there, it's made me think a bit."

Hey, Jack's stuck at a perpetual late 30's but he lost count of his own age a while back. It stopped mattering. Believe him, he understands how this getting older thing can really smart.

Jack is a tactile person, although as Harry turns away, he isn't sure whether to step after him or not. "It's not about what you're supposed to be doing with your life," he says, sticking his hands in his pockets. "It's about what you want to be doing with it."

"That's the trick, I suppose. I'm pretty used to supposed and not got a lot of experience with the other sort." Harry lugs the bucket of bolts to scrub over to a seat and gestures that if Jack wants to join him (and pick up some steel wool), that he's welcome to do so.

"I know it sounds asinine to anyone that's not from my world, but I pretty much grew up knowing that there was one big thing I had to do. That nothing else really mattered except getting that one thing done. And, I did it." Which has left him a bit at odds. "I suppose I'm meant to just get on with whatever else I should've been doing otherwise, but ..."

Jack easily takes a seat next to Harry, picking up a bolt and some steel wool and setting about the task, the same as Harry is.

At the comment, he shrugs. "I don't know if asinine is the word. There are a lot of people who find it hard to adjust, in that sort of a situation. You were given a grand purpose, and once that purpose was fulfilled, you're expected to just fit in. It's a pretty common problem with soldiers, especially," he says, although somehow he doubts that's quite what Harry was. He doesn't seem the type.

"Really? I mean, we weren't military in the sense of proper uniforms, but we were an army. If you think that counts?" He hadn't ever really worried about 'fitting in' after the prophecy was fulfilled; especially when he'd been fairly sure that he wouldn't make it through the war. "And it's not like there weren't rolls for us. There's always a job ready and, well, there's no reason not to fit it. Not if you do it right."

"It counts," Jack reassures Harry, gently, as he works with his hands. "It isn't the uniform that makes the soldier, after all. Although they are hot," Jack says, as an aside. He shakes his head, returning to the topic at hand. "There's no 'doing it right' or 'doing it wrong', Harry. It's your life. Just because you don't seem to fit in where you're supposed to doesn't mean that it's your fault." Wow, Jack feels like this would have been a conversation he'd have had with his kid, if he'd been allowed to stick around in any of their lives long enough to have it. It makes him feel rather old, although not necessarily in a bad way.

"We mostly fought in street clothes or our school uniforms, so ..." Harry wrinkles his nose up and while he's sure there are some attractive uniforms somewhere in the world, his school robes aren't on the list.

"But, I don't know that it's not actually my fault. The war, the thing I had to do was to end it." He won't take the credit for most of what happened, but that's his burden and his alone. "Even though we lost so many from my year and others, everyone else who could fight did so very well, but it was my job and mine alone to stop the leader of the other side."

"And I'd trained for it, from the time I was really young, and part of it was that I wasn't supposed to have an 'after the war'. Magical rules, you know?" Rules of sacrifice. "But, here I am, and now that the war is over, everyone just wants things to go back to the way they're supposed to be and that means marriage, and soon, and...and I find that I like it here, no matter how awful it can be, because it's not that."

Harry's eyes go wide and he looks surprised at himself for saying so much.

Jack senses something of Harry's surprise and looks up to watch his face for a moment. "You're allowed to want to forge your own path, Harry," he says. "That includes not wanting to be married so soon. You're not the only one who finds life here on the ship a lot more pleasant than the prospect of having to face what's waiting for them back home, believe me."

Jack himself is definitely one of those sorts. After all, Ianto is dead back at home, while here on the Tranquility... No, there's absolutely no comparison. He would give anything to stay here, for as long as he can, with Ianto, come what may, as long as he can still have this.

Jack may be right, but it still makes Harry feel like a traitor to prefer the Tranquility to Britain. Recent events aside, in many ways, it's been a lot quieter and less dangerous than he's used to. Sure, there are manticores and space pirates, but it's an impersonal threat.

"I want to do the right thing. I don't want to be a disappointment, and part of that is putting all the war behind me, getting out of the papers and praying they never pick up on me again, and making sure there's someone else to take on the family name. There's such a big deal about not being the end of the line, you know?"

Jack takes in a deep breath, letting it out slightly. He remembers, vaguely. But he has fathered children of his own, and those children have had children. He will have more children in the future he is sure, whether it is with someone he loves or through happenstance. It will be hard not to, statistically speaking, knowing that he's going to live forever. It's easy, at times, to forget about the pressures of being young.

"Is that what you want?" he asks, carefully. Harry's young still, maybe he doesn't have a clue as to what he could want with his future. "Marriage? Children? Or is that just what you feel is expected of you? It wouldn't be very fair on them, to be merely an obligation in the end, you know," he feels it necessary to point out. He's been there before, after all.

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thebreakingwave - 2014-05-16 20:01 (UTC) - Expand

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