ataraxionlogs | i don't know where i belong (closed)

Entry tags:

i don't know where i belong (closed)

CHARACTERS: Malia Tate & Stiles Stilinski
LOCATION: Storage Containers
WARNINGS: Coyotes ... ?
SUMMARY: It's that time of the month.
NOTES: No, the other one.

[ It starts with an itching under her skin.

The irritability and restlessness are her first real cues, and before long, she's beating on Stiles' door. Never mind the several hours that are still between her and the full shift—she isn't going to wait around for it to get bad before they try to corral her.

So she brings the chains, and they head to the storage container. The metal eyelets, she imagines, are intended for tying down cargo, not people, but as she loops the chains through, setting up a safety net that can hold her back, she has to figure that a werecoyote is harder to hold steady. ]

I didn't get cuffs or anything from the forge. He kept asking annoying questions.

[ And mostly, that made her want to leave ASAP. This month, it'll have to just be solidly clasped chains. At least the abrasions on her wrists will heal pretty quickly, and they can work on something more sustainable for next month.

And the month after that.

And the month after that.

Her eyes press shut briefly, suppressing the flare of annoyance that comes from that. It's bad enough going through this all the time in Beacon Hills, being forced to relive the night she'd killed her family. Having to find a way to accommodate it aboard some spaceship just makes it even less convenient.

At least they don't have to navigate trips to the lake house around school. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It's fine.

[stiles speaks as lowly and steadily as someone like he can manage, which is honestly sort of helped along by how crummy he's been feeling lately from this sickness thing floating around the ship.

pretty difficult to get too excitable or jumpy when you feel completely drained, after all. stiles already had no idea how he was going to rouse up enough energy to help sally with her own full moon in just a few short days. he feels like he's going to die. but he promised malia he would be here, so here he is with his jar of mountain ash, laying out a thick line across the entrance of the container, then stepping over it to join malia inside.]

We can work on the cuffs for next month when we have more time to prepare. Or maybe you'll find your anchor this month and we won't even need them at all.

You said that last month.

[ The way she points it out is a little wry—not exactly disheartened or sour, but certainly not optimistic. With a nod, she tacks on definitively, ] And the month before.

[ The look she casts at the mountain ash is—well, not promising. It’s just a pile of dust. She’s never had the personal experience of trying to cross it, which leaves her slightly dubious.

She finishes setting up the chains in all the ways she can help with—from there out, she needs his help to actually tie her into them. It makes her expression deflate, glancing at him, like her figurative coyote ears are drooping. ]

You look terrible.

[it was a little odd hearing from malia that he'd helped her with full moons previous of this, but considering the fact that she was apparently from a time ahead of his own, he supposed it wasn't that difficult to believe.]

You spent almost as much time as a coyote as a human. It stand to reason that you're full moons would be harder than most, it doesn't mean you can't get there just the same as everyone else though. Have you thought about anchors any?

[and then he grimaces at her observation.]

Gee thanks. I know I'm not the prettiest girl at the ball right now.

[ She rolls her eyes a little bit—annoyed with herself, because apparently (wow shocker) something came out wrong. While it's easy for it to look like she's irritated at his reasonable reaction to what came out unequivocally as an insult, it's really just the standard disappointment with her ability to adapt. ]

I mean you're sick. And weak. Maybe Josh is right, and you should just tie me up and get the hell out of here.

[ The last thing she wants is to catch him before he can get across the line of mountain ash. That's more pressing than anchors (and the inevitable, depressing time to point out that she killed half her family, and her dad sent her to Eichen House—she doesn't have a wealth of options here). ]

First, everyone's sick right now. [stiles waves a hand between him and malia to signify that they should set this particular topic aside because yeah, there's pretty much nobody on the ship that doesn't feel and look like crap right now. even malia doesn't look fantastic, though for malia that still means she looks leaps and bounds better than him.]

Second, Josh is not right. Josh comes from a world with very different werewolves from our own and he does not get to pretend that he knows what I can or can't handle. You said I've helped you with other full moons, haven't I?

I'll be fine. We'll be fine.

[ Her heart twists in her chest as she allows Stiles to quell her fears. They continue to roil just beneath the surface, already making her skin itch and her blood burn hotter. The more afraid she is of losing the control, the harder control becomes.

She surges forward a few steps with the intention of reaching out for him, but she stops at the line of mountain ash, an invisible barrier holding between them. Her expression softens, the rough edges smoothing, and she stands there in impotent silence for a moment before she settles on how to stick to her guns. ]

If something happens, run and get Scott.

[stiles nods his head instead of actually answering. mostly because he isn't entirely sure whether or not his agreement would be a lie, and whether malia has progressed far enough in her lessons to be able to identify when someone has lied to her.

he's playing it safe. she already seems agitated enough, and stiles can't imagine that's going to help her keep control once the full moon really overtakes her.]

Okay, help me out here. [stiles says, taking a pointed step over the mountain ash and walking over to the chains to look them over and try and come up with some way for malia to get tied down getting too hurt.] Because you've been through a couple more of your full moons than I have.

What have we worked on or talked about for it?

Normal stuff. Like anchors, and control, and ... and you and Scott keep saying i need to find something to hold onto that makes me able to control the shift.

[ She sounds like she thinks that's ridiculous because it makes it sound much easier than it is !!! Especially for a girl whose anchor options are like. The family members she murdered, or the dad who sent her to Eichen House while she was traumatized about murdering them. Cool.

She turns to watch him as she rattles off what she makes sound as a bunch of useless information that she's never really been in a position to process. Considering she's still learning to be human, learning how to be human and then some when the 'and then some' led to murder is just a little overwhelming. What's more, a part of her really wonders how much of it was just Stiles trying to babble at her and keep talking to keep a.) himself calm, b.) get through to her in some capacity while she was all coyote'd out. It never worked that well. ]

[ ooc; makes up tons of headcanon ??? lmfao this is just vague and based off of what could be gleaned from the full moon ep, hit me up if you have any particular headcanon about it. ]

[stiles nods as she talks, none of that sounding all that new or surprising. it sounds pretty much exactly like him and scott. or at least, them paraphrased maybe. since stiles was almost never that succinct with information even if his life was literally on the line.

he turns his back on the chains to face malia when she speaks to her again.]

Yeah, alright. Have you had any ideas on what sort of anchor might work for you? I guess it's different for everyone, but a lot of times it's a person. [a sort of awkward shrug now.] Which admittedly bit Scott in the butt when him and Allison weren't a thing anymore and he had to find another one, but. [another shrug when he can't think of any other way to end that particular comment.]

Have we worked on your control outside of the full moon any? Right after Scott got turned I threw lacrosse balls at him to make him work on controlling his heartbeat. [a beat, when he realizes what he just said to her and then hurries to add:] Not that I'm suggesting throwing lacrosse balls at you-- I don't even have lacrosse balls.

[ooc; lol no yeah, i sort of expected with a question like that, no worries. and i'm cool working with whatever ideas you've got!]

No one’s pelted me with lacrosse balls, but I’m trying.

[ The mounting frustration in her voice at having to explain is evident, even if she knows it can’t be helped. He needs to be updated, but she’s also having a problem with reining in her temper as the tilt of the lunar cycle presses down on her like a weight. Her eyes flutter shut briefly and she grimaces, taking a deep breath to try and stave off her impatience. ]

I don’t have anyone, Stiles. I killed them. Remember?

[ She steps in closer, holding her arms up like she expects him to start tying her down now that he’s taken a look at the chain set up. ]

And if this goes wrong, I might just kill you.

Woah, hey, it's okay.

[stiles is just sticking his foot in his mouth over and over again with malia, isn't he? he's still not totally sure how to talk to her yet. he doesn't know her as well as she apparently knows him, and he's sure there's plenty of stupid mistakes that he's making that he's already made for her in her own time, and he knows how frustrating that can be.

it can't be helping her any more with trying to get herself under control right now, anyway. as awkward as he already feels at the idea of having to tie malia down, he steps forward to do so anyway, because she's probably the best judge of when she's going to need it.]

It doesn't have to be a person, obviously, I'm just saying that was my experience with Scott. Everyone's different and I'm sure there's no one way to do it. You just have to... [he shrugs a bit as he fastens the chains] find that space in your head that's calming, I guess.

And you're not going to kill me, Malia. Don't you think I know what I'm doing with this stuff? This isn't exactly my first full moon, not by a long shot.

[ Taking a deep breath, Malia shuts her eyes, making it apparent that the snap was a result of heightened tension from the full moon itself. Or, at least, from the cycle of it that she’s in. There’s no full moon: there’s no moon at all. That only serves to aggravate her more, that she’s experiencing this despite the changes.

When Stiles finishes with one hand, she gives it a solid yank. The chains hold steady and she exhales her sigh of relief, turning her gaze back on him. ]

It’s not you I’m worried about.

[ It’s her. Her lack of experience is going to be what kills him, not Stiles’. ]

[stiles understands why this is hard. he knows what happen to malia's mom and sister, why that would make her anxious and unable to trust herself entirely. the doubts and warnings that people like josh gave her after she made her network post.

maybe... maybe telling malia not to worry about him was the wrong track to go down. anything that got her off of worrying about herself had to help her, right?]

Okay no, actually. You know what, I changed my mind.

How about I promise to worry about you, so long as you promise to worry about me. I'll make sure you don't accidentally hurt me, and you make sure that I don't do anything stupid.

A tough job, but I'm sure you can handle it.

[ As she opens her mouth to reply, a wave of muscle tension rips through her, adrenaline dumping and causing her to physically jerk. She leaves her jaw hanging open because her teeth begin to ache, signaling the start of the shift. One more yank at the chains. ]

It’s starting.

[ When she looks back up at him and away from the chains, her eyes burn blue. The chains don’t give, which keeps her from crying for him to get back, to leave, but fresh panic starts in her expression nonetheless. Being out of control isn’t easy, and neither is just choosing not to worry about what happens if she gets free.

But she tries. Her eyes search Stiles, considering his reaction, trying to evaluate if she should be worried about what he’s doing. ]

[stiles has been witness to far too many transformations by this point in his life to be particularly startled by malia's even if he has yet to actually be privy to one of her's. clearly that changed in the future though, so he may as well get used to it now.

what this means is that stiles doesn't flinch, but he does steady himself, smiling encouragingly at malia and carefully positioning himself so that if the chains break he can fling himself backward out past the line of mountain ash. he also keeps a close eye on the taut line of chain, gaze darting regularly between them and malia's face.

he's not going to give her any reason to feel worse about her transformation than she already does.]

You're going to be okay, Malia. I'm going to stay here with you and we're going to get through the night just fine.

[ Her shoulders lurch as she yanks again, surging forward. The sickening crunch of shifting bones follows as the structure of her skull rearranges, forehead pushing to a more prominent position, nose flattening, jaw widening to make room for snarling fangs that she bares as she growls at him. ]

You won't be fine when I get loose and rip your throat out.

[ Rather than sounding protective and concerned, Malia sounds almost like she can't wait to get free and do just that, bloodlust gritting her teeth. Her claws dig into her palms, fists balled, trying to hold herself back and use pain to tether herself to her own mind, rather than the coyote's base instincts. ]

... with your teeth? You can't forget to add 'with my teeth', Malia, it honestly completes the threat.

[and okay so maybe he shouldn't joke about that but at this point threats of that nature are basically expected, so he doesn't even flinch at her words, though he does cast a cautionary look at the chains and how they're holding.

they look okay so far. he'll just have to remember to keep checking through the night.]

I'll be fine, you'll be fine. We're going to get through this night and we're going to both be fine because I believe in you, Malia.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

i don't know where i belong (closed)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject