ataraxionlogs | open-ish | i'm just trying to find my way to you

[ Well. Glad someone thinks so. Emma seems to retain some doubts—not about Robin himself, but in the accuracy of his assessment. Thirty years of being made to feel like she isn't good enough doesn't break easy. As self-esteem goes, Emma's is roughly the worst. ]

If you say so.

[ Her shoulders shrug as she reaches out to hit the button, letting them into the bar. ]

But I doubt it'll come to that anyway. It's not so much that I think she's doing anything wrong, but … I don't know. It's probably nothing.

[ He follows her into the bar, contemplating her noncommittal response; he'll have to work on her slowly. Even if it takes quite a long time for her to believe good things about herself, that won't stop him from offering praise and encouragement when possible, and when it makes sense to. ]

I suppose it's the sort of situation where we'll have to wait and see, as they say.

Do let me know if I can be of any help, of course, or if anything should come of it.

I will.

[ Strangely, she seems fairly honest about that. Emma usually struggles with asking for help, but she definitely takes his offer seriously and files it away with a nod. Allowing herself a faint smile, she turns to him as she navigates her way behind the bar to grab a bottle of unidentifiable space booze and two glasses. Setting the glasses on the counter, she sets about opening the bottle, eyes on him. ]

You know, if you really want to help, you can tell me what's happened to our land since my people go back from Neverland. [ 'Our land.' As if she's finally accepting that the Enchanted Forest may have some place for her. Quite the opposite, but it should warm him up to her if she creates that bond. Mostly, she finally has reason to want to know how far ahead he is and how much he knows about what's happened. ]

[ He hasn't had all that much experience with unmatched and shifting timelines until just recently, but he's cognizant of the fact that he needs to tread carefully with what he tells her. Although if it's true that none of them remember anything when they go back, perhaps it doesn't all that much matter.

Leaning up against the counter, resting his forearm atop it, he lets a few moments of silence pass while he considers what to say. ]

As I'm sure you know, Regina's curse left most of the Enchanted Forest in ruin. That's not to say the damage is irreparable, by any means at all. And we have made progress, it simply takes time. For quite a while, my men and I were taking refuge in the Dark One's castle, primarily for my son's safety.

[ But she wants to know about everything after Neverland, so: ]

When your family arrived, Snow White's castle was reclaimed, and it became a...base of operations, you might say, while we dealt with a bit of trouble. But we all made significant progress rebuilding things, the land is quite hospitable now. Or, it was...before we were taken back to Storybrooke.

[ He pauses, just to...give her time to digest what he's said. ]

So we were all cursed to go back to the forest, and cursed again?

[ Her nose crinkles as she begins to pour the drink.

Then something Regina said to her, lost amidst her grief over Graham's reappearance, fills in the blanks. Slowly, she tilts the bottle back upright, eyes going out of focus as they stop taking in the glass before her. Something that Regina said about Henry—about the fact that Emma was the only one who could stay with him.

Hook's surprise and relief at the jump.

It all starts to fall into place. ]

I wasn't there.

[ She looks up at him steadily. ]

I didn't go back with them, did I? [ She sets the glass and bottle down on the bar in front of her, resting her hands against the edge and leaning forward. Her tone grows sharp, demanding and deflective all at once. ] How long? Who else was with them?

[ There's no chance at all of evading the questions now, and it's not as though it's entirely unexpected. He likes to think he knows Emma decently well by now, and so how could she not want to press him for more answers upon hearing what he had to say; it's completely understandable. ]

Unfortunately not.

[ But maybe there's a chance to make this better... ]

The separation lasted roughly a year, and it was...well, everyone from Storybrooke, everyone who was brought over the first time with Regina's curse ended up back in the Enchanted Forest. But you've all found your way back to one another, things are alright, I promise.

[ Well. They will be, he's sure. There's still the matter of the wicked witch. ]

A year.

[ The timestamp feels bitter on her tongue, and it comes out tired. She grabs one of the empty glasses off the bar in front of her, turns, and hurls it into the wall.

It doesn't make her feel any better about being lied to. About being made a fool of. About—She raises one hand to push short layers of blonde hair out of her face, pacing a bit, drawing a breath, regaining her composure. Looking up at Robin, she looks—well, vaguely flustered.

With nothing to say to excuse herself or justify her reaction—at least, nothing she wants to get into—she reaches out for the bottle and pulls generously into the glasses that remain before her, sliding one up onto the bar for Robin after she sets the bottle aside. An apology, of sorts. One that's ready to put all of this behind them. ]

[ Of all the reactions he had been preparing himself for, this is completely unexpected. It's quickly clear she's upset by what he's said, the circumstances he's detailed, and he certainly can't blame her. His hand wraps around the glass, and he takes a sip, letting the warmth burn pleasantly down his throat before he speaks again. ]

I am sorry, Emma. I know that's not at all a pleasant thing to hear.

It's not—

[ Well, that's a lie. So she stops. It's absolutely unpleasant to hear, to know she'll be separated from her family when they'd only just found each other. Worse, though, to know that even Regina had tried to tell her, to be upfront, while Hook covered it up. How long before he would have told her, if ever? ]

It's who I had to hear it from. [ She raises her glass in quiet acknowledgment, and apology. ] No offense.

[ But he'd known. All that time, he'd known, and he just ... She throws back a deep gulp of the liquor, barely grimacing as she lowers the glass back to the bar. ]

[ Ah, well that makes a bit more sense, explaining her reaction. He can reason out, he thinks, of whom she might be speaking, since there aren't exactly many of those from their world here. ]

Am I right in assuming you're speaking of Captain Hook?

[ Possibly Regina, so he won't make a definitive judgment. ]

Yeah.

[ Her reply is brief and sharp because calling him Captain Hook only reiterates the mistake she made here, or the fact that somewhere along the way she'd let herself forget that in some capacity. Of course he was keeping secrets. Of course they were important secrets that he shouldn't have been hiding. He's one of the bad guys.

Stupid. Holding her glass between her hands, she leans forward over the bar, studying it. ]

It's ... complicated.

[ Both of his hands now wrap around his glass, and he tilts the liquid around for a moment, studying the way it licks at the rim, catching a faint light now and then before the flicker fades just as quickly.

Complicated. ]

I know that feeling well. You have my sympathies, though, Emma, I'm sorry it couldn't be otherwise for you.

[ He tries to be an optimist, though. ]

That's not to say it can't get better, of course.

I had enough waiting for things to get better for one lifetime with Henry's father. I'm not doing that again.

[ Two years of her life wasted waiting for him in Tallahassee, as if he would come find her. As if setting her up to take the fall for him had been some mistake, and she'd forgive him when she saw him again. Eight more years wasted internalizing that bitter loneliness that followed, hating herself for what she must have been to drive him off like that. For what a fool she was to let him con her. ]

It's not at all my place, of course. Some people can change.

[ He's seen that with Regina, although things were just as rocky between them on the ship as they'd been in the missing year, so he's a bit disheartened by all of that. ]

You know best what you deserve, and what your boundaries are.

I would hope for you what I hope for all whom I care about: true happiness, peace with one's self, and to be with someone who respects you and cherishes you above all else.

[ He's maybe making a few assumptions here about how close she is with Hook, but he's also not oblivious. ]

We're not—

[ The defense gets swallowed. Honestly, she couldn't say what's going on there. She never let him be 'someone she's with' the way Robin is insinuating. No, she works too hard to protect herself for that. Hell, there's every chance that she's just latching onto this as an excuse, and a part of her is aware of that, but she's too wrapped up in her own defense mechanisms to stop.

Sighing, she deflates some, the fight draining right out of her. ]

I don't know.

[ Eager to change the subject, she rubs her eyes briefly and looks back up at him as she drops her hand to the counter afterward. ]

So that's how you wind up in Storybrooke, huh? When we found our way back together.

[ He's only too happy to change the subject, not wanting to make things uncomfortable for her. The point of having drinks together is to unwind, not add any undue stress. ]

It is. And though I haven't yet had the pleasure to know your boy terribly well, he's a good lad. I look forward to knowing him better once we've all found our way home.

Well, God only knows how it happened, but he's a good kid.

[ She nods, offering a flicker of a smile. Henry always manages to push her to her best, even when she's simply talking about him. ]

Wish I'd gotten more time with him when I spent a jump in Neverland.

Children, I think, have a way of being better than their parents. Though in Henry's case, I happen to see quite clearly that he's very loved and supported by a wonderful family.

[ He doesn't know all of the bad stuff, of course, but he's also not naive, he knows Regina was once the evil queen. Still, he prefers to focus on the positive. ]

I truly believe we'll both see our boys again.

[ Emma snorts at that assertion if only because she can't imagine anyone being better than her parents. They're heroes. Actual fairytale heroes. She shakes her head, dismissing it. ]

I hope you're right. I'm not gonna stop trying until we do.

Nor will I. Surely our tenacity combined will prove eventually to be fruitful.

[ A parent never gives up on trying to get back to their child, after all, no matter what it takes. ]

And while we remain trapped here, we can at least indulge in moments like this, sharing a drink and each other's company.

We don't get a lot of 'em, so we better enjoy it while it lasts.

[ Raising her glass to him, she then takes a drink. ]

[ And Robin raises his glass, deciding to make it a toast of sorts. ]

Well. To us, I say. And the children we love rather madly.

May our paths, wherever they may lead us here, eventually bring us home.

open-ish | i'm just trying to find my way to you

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