PLAYER PLOT: fear is the mind-killer

[fullmoon]

CHARACTERS: You and all your least favorite things.
LOCATION: Shipwide.
WARNINGS: Violence, gore, monsters, psych trauma. (Please warn for any potential triggers—e.g. medical horror, eye stuff, recollection of past sexual trauma—in your subject lines.)
SUMMARY: Boggarts. See the plot post for a full timeline if you want to forward-date; otherwise, watch this space for updates.
NOTES: Whatever happens, however this ends, remember that it's Draco Malfoy's fault.

JAN 22

If you've been paying attention, you should already be on edge. Ward and Resnik have returned without many answers. There's the dead pirate again. The Tranquility is being pursued. People are talking about violent confrontation like it's inevitable, any cycle now. Any day. And now Morgoth is back, somewhere in the corridors.

If you keep an eye out, you won't find him. But you might find something else.

JAN 23

Never mind about Morgoth.

JAN 24

Despite very well-intended claims to the contrary (see above), the mounting evidence suggests that boggarts can be killed. Also, there's probably more than one. Sorry about that.

Comments

[troops]

[Cullen tenses at the offer, but a small part of him whispers that at least Cole asked this time. Some part of Dorian's lecture must have gotten through to him. Cole offers and he says the mage's name, and the answer is immediate, even if it's not the most obvious choice.]

No.

[He has his reasons, of course. Cole's offer isn't only disconcerting in the fact that he has the ability to manipulate Cullen's mind, but also in that losing his memories- losing his experience, what he's gone through, himself... it hits a little close to home. He's seen templars after they've been in the order too long, lyrium-addled and bumbling along in what sad lives they have left. Vacant. Some call it a blessing that the lyrium takes your mind away at the end, but Cullen disagrees.

He disagrees now.]

I won't forget it. Or you. [There's a pause and he looks away, his jaw tight.] I would appreciate it if you didn't offer again.

[fade_away]

Okay.

[Because it's that simple. Cole offered, Cullen said no, so he won't. Even at his worst, he still asked those in despair if they wanted his help. If they said no, he wouldn't have done what he did. Did that make it better? He's not sure.]

It's upsetting to you, but I can't understand why.

[troops]

[Cullen doesn't respond right away, still catching his breath and trying to avoid looking at the spatters of blood on the floor. Soon, he knows, they'll need to get up and try to help the others. Soon he has to lock his terror firmly away and just move on. He needs to push past this.

Cole would make him forget, and he wants to, but he won't.]

I've seen what happens to those who have lost too much of their minds. [Cullen takes a deep breath, his fingers tightening into fists.] Lyrium takes everything that they are. The thought of forgetting the things that made me what I am- or even just forgetting you, this... it's too much like what I've seen in the Chantry. I'll not take a convenient solution to avoid facing reality.

[fade_away]

People forgot me all the time in the Spire, and they were fine. They were supposed to forget, I think. Even when I didn't want them to.

[It's not the same as lyrium addiction, but Cole will respect Cullen's wishes none the less, even if he can't quite understand them.]

[troops]

I don't want to forget.

[It's resolute, uncompromising. Cole may not understand his reasoning, but hopefully with Dorian's encouragement, he'll respect his decision. It's... still unnerving, to know that Cole can do such a thing, that Cole can have so much power over him, but what else can he do? If Cole will agree to hold back then maybe there can be more of an understanding between the two of them.]

Not you, not- not this. Tell me that you understand that, at least.

[fade_away]

Rhys said he didn't, too. That changed.

[It's a sort of sad understanding. Rhys looked at him and saw a monster. He's likely forgotten Cole by now. It should stay that way.]

I understand. I won't try to force you to forget. You might anyway, but I won't try to make you and I'll stop asking.

[troops]

Good.

[That's what he needs right now, the reassurance. Cullen leans his head back against the wall and just breathes for a few moments, quiet next to the spirit. First the demons, then Uldred, then Cole- it's too much to really handle without some form of respite, but he tries. He just needs to breathe for a minute.]

...tell me this isn't just a dream.

[It certainly has the familiar nightmarish tilt to it.]

[fade_away]

[It's alright if Cullen wants to rest. Cole's here, he'll watch over Cullen for now.]

You are not currently dreaming.

[troops]

[He nods, not quite wanting to believe it- but what choice does he have? If this isn't a dream, then he has to deal with it accordingly, and that means... getting up, picking his sword up, and trying to move on, to help as many people as he can here. There's no time for weakness. There never has been.

With a long exhale, Cullen drags himself to his feet, fingers sliding along the floor until he can grasp at the hilt of his blade.]

...I need to press on. Will you go with me? [It's not a request, simply a question. If Cole needs to find someone else, Cullen will let him go. There may be safety in numbers, but they both seem to have different goals.]

[fade_away]

[Cole is worried about everyone, and as much as it pains him it's impossible for him to be literally everywhere at once.

Cullen is right here, right now. So Cole will stay with him. Because Cullen is going to help people too. It's in his nature. Cole springs up from his crouch easily, motion fluid, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet before he nods to Cullen's question.]

People need help.

[troops]

Alright.

[Cullen accepts it without question. As much as he still wanted to doubt Cole, he has a more solid understanding of what he is now, and with that comes the trust that he wouldn't have expected. Cole helped him, Cole wants to help others, and they'll work better together than they would alone.

He heads down the hallway then, in the opposite direction from where Uldred had appeared, not sparing a second glance toward where Cole had killed the mage. There will be time to think over what happened later. Now, they just need to move forward.]