ataraxionlogs | happy anniversary [open]

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happy anniversary [open]

CHARACTERS: Rey and YOU.
LOCATION: Various.
WARNINGS: Blood and violence for the third prompt.
SUMMARY: Rey Does Stuff: The Log. Just the kind of stuff you'd expect on your fourth year anniversary, woo.
NOTES: I've got some prompts, but if you want a super special awesome starter just for you, I can whip one up as well. Or you can. Whichever.

I. Make Your Bed The River (Outside the Tranquility, Early December)

It's strange every time Rey thinks about how she's not living alone anymore. She had only ever lived with one person on the ship, and they weren't around to make sure her head stays on straight.

She is used to living a spartan lifestyle. Having too much useless stuff was never her thing. But now that she isn't the only person living under the roof she's made out in the jungle, she figures it's worth going scavenging for extra supplies. At least in the places she can immediately access...

The Tranquility creaks and groans before her, sunk into the earth and teetering over the ledge of the cliff. She assesses the damage first before she begins climbing into the opening, leading into the medbay.

II. It's A Trap! (Jungle, Anytime)

Max may have given a public service announcement about his similar endeavor, but Rey hadn't been quite so thoughtful as to give warnings about her traps just yet. Mostly because she's still working on them. Hoping that she could catch game or, even better, whoever or whatever is out there that they haven't been introduced to yet.

Plus, she's convinced that whoever murdered that crew member the previous month was not one of their own. This much she was positive when she found the spears in the stampede not too long ago. With the masks and the storm, though, you can never be too certain.

Red X marks have been placed near her little pet projects. You can either find Rey digging a hole somewhere with a makeshift shovel she's put together, or setting up a wire trap or a tree spring noose made from things she's collected from the jungle and the ship.

Either that, or you may find yourself taking a seven foot plunge down one of those many holes she has made.

III. Oh, To Be An Animal... (Anywhere, After the 17th)

It isn't the first time Rey has encountered subjects of horrific diseases. Hell, at a few points during her tenure aboard the Tranquility, she had been a victim of some of those illnesses.

Suppose it was a matter of time before something like this would happen. After all, they're aliens to this world, introducing new bacteria and such to the wildlife. It's just a surprise that the natives have fallen prey to these mutations first.

One can either be passing by when they happen upon a tree-dome made of wood and metal overhead. There's a noise of frenzied, animalistic screeching coming from the inside. A window opens, and the corpse of one of the sickened creatures come flying out.

After a while, she has come to observe the mannerisms of these afflicted animals, watching their behaviors from a distance. You can also find her lurking among trees -- above or below -- watching one of them ripping into their own faces.

Whether one of them is attacking you, or you stumble upon her putting one of them down... Well, the timing is pretty unfortunate, either way.

The worst part is, it isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened.

She's seen something akin to this before.

And that never bodes well. For anyone.

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"That part is complicated," she quips in when she has the chance.

The fact that she had been in the care of Faye for three months while catatonic probably doesn't help simplify matters, among other things. Rey had given her chances to take revenge, but for some reason Faye never took the opening.

She huffs, her arms tightening over her chest. "So what if I was?" Her expression hardens like steel. "I was doing her the favor of reminding her of who and what sort of person I was... am. She had no reason to talk to me like that."

Even if it was a mere 'Are you okay?' on Faye's part.

Of course it comes back to that.

Firo can't think of Rey as a malicious person--at least, he's pretty sure that her primary goal is self-flagellation, even when she hurts others to get there.

"Fuck that." He's angry now and doesn't try to hide it; he doesn't bother to leave much space between them now, moving to get up in her face. "You call that a favor? All you did was hurt her more. And I know that's not the kinda person you are, so you can go ahead and shut your mouth about that."

While not expecting Firo to get so close, Rey doesn't move to retreat or anything but standing her ground. Her visage remains unchanging as her friend speaks, only solidifying a pointed look. She tries to hold onto that as she falls silent for a moment, unable to find her words through the red clouding her vision.

It's a paradox, really. She would want nothing more than that woman's forgiveness, while at the same time knows she's undeserving of it. The worst part is how their paths are too entwined to go their separate ways, especially now.

"It's the kind of person I was, and it hurt her. And despite my feelings, I can't--" She bites her tongue, finally breaking her gaze from Firo's for a moment. She can't even meet him in the eye when she can't help but ask: "How do you even start to mend something that broken with someone?"

Because she can't. Or she feels that she can't. So she feels the only way to go is the opposite direction.

"It'd be easier if she just keeps hating me," she mutters, absent of the former cold and callous tone.

Firo leans to try and follow her eyes--he can't let her escape that easily. Now that she's at least not sounding so cruel, his tone loses its anger while remaining firm.

"That's not your call to make. It's hers."

Whether you want someone to love or hate you, Firo's adamant that you can't force it. Their feelings aren't yours to manhandle.

"Hurtin' her just because you think it's what she should want isn't gonna help anyone. If you wanna fix somethin' like that, give her reasons."

When Firo puts it that way, it sounds easy; he's right about this and she knows that. Rey had never felt this conflicted about anyone before -- in fact, she's never felt much this way about anyone. Which makes it all the more confusing.

"Don't know if I have the right to give her reasons," she mutters through clenched teeth. She brings a hand to the side of her head, her fingers digging into her scalp out of frustration. "I don't know if I'll even have the chance to give her reasons now."

Rey didn't exactly come back from her last 'trip' home at a convenient time.

"Don't bother with 'right.' That's for her to decide, and it seemed like she was at least keepin' an eye out for it before."

Like complimenting her and spending time with her. Firo's dense, but he can see what's at least an attempt at friendship.

"Chance you can't do too much about..." Well, knowing Rey, she could lock herself away in her room and never give herself the chance, but Firo hopes she's past that now. "You don't know what happens in the future, right? So who knows what'll happen--if she's still around and you're still around, there's still a chance."

Though he does wonder just how bad it is...

"And that's her problem. She should know better." To keep an eye out, that is. Far as Rey is concerned, she's the same person then as she is now -- or, at least, all of those women she had once been are part of her. It isn't fair to just dissociate herself from one just because it isn't favorable to what she would want a perfect world. In a perfect world, Rey wouldn't have done what she did and she would possibly just be someone else.

She tries to take a step back, only to just pin herself to the wall then. Her hand comes up to the back of her head as she looks downward, her fingers digging through the spikes of her hair.

"I know enough about what's happening. I told you before that my brother got captured. Well, so did she." Her jaw tightens when the image of Faye in that cell flashes through her mind. "I also know that it was my fault she got taken by these assholes years ago, and back then they tortured her for months. If she has to go through that again... If I fuck up or can't get them out or something happens...

"It isn't something I'd be able to forgive myself for."

The magic words. Because it was bad enough that some of Faye's last words to Rey before she had been taken by the synthetics was for her to try and forgive herself. Where she is standing right now, that just doesn't seem possible.

He reaches for her wrist; he knows he can't hold her back if she decides to resist, but he tries anyway.

"It's their fault. They're the ones who took her."

He imagines the words are pointless--didn't he feel pretty responsible when Ennis was threatened? But at least he knows it's the truth in this case.

"You can't be responsible for everybody's screw ups. Just your own."

Not her enemies', not her past selves'. Not even Faye's.

It would be all too easy to resist. Rey could throw Firo like he was a sack of flour and not have any trouble with it.

But she doesn't. There is only a moment in which she shakes when he goes for her wrist; she knows that he would just keep trying.

"And it's mine as well. I can't just pass off the blame to off someone else because it's more convenient."

She doesn't want to tell him that he's wrong, but it isn't exactly right, either. It's just possible not to take all the faults. Perhaps even Firo could accept that much, though.

Edited 2016-01-12 05:37 (UTC)

Good. Firo hangs on and nods slowly. "No, you can't. So you need to take responsibility for your own behavior and treat her the way she deserves if you get her back from those people."

He won't pretend that it's a certainty, because that just wouldn't be fair. And he's sure Rey wouldn't be fooled either.

That's not really something they can do anything about right now, so onto the next thing, he decides.

"You know what I mean, right? None a' that nasty crap unless she starts it."

The fact that he agrees comes as a dreaded comfort. It means that she's right about that much, at least.

She lowers her hand from her face, still not bringing herself to shake Firo off. Oddly, she doesn't mind the contact and it comes as solace more than anything else. "Yes, I get you. I'll try -- the two of us are pretty much stuck together, anyway." She shrugs. "But I can't make any promises that I can bring that back home."

If there's ever going to be a next time. Rey would rather not think about that, though.

"Sorry you had to see all that."

He breathes out a laugh. "Unless you personally decided to lob that into my head, you don't need to apologize. Not that it was exactly fun..." Not her action, though, so not her fault.

He plants his other hand on his hip. "If you need some pointers--for starters, it's probably not a good idea to talk about killin' her... friend."

If anything, he has a point. Rey wouldn't drop that sort of thing on her friend if she could help it. "I'll try to work on controlling it better so it doesn't happen again."

On one hand, Firo's 'pointer' should be a no brainer. On the other hand...

"Wife," Rey corrects. "Not friend. They were married."

It doesn't occur to her just how weird Firo would find this factoid.

He holds up one hand to stop her. "Don't bust your ass over it. We can barely control it as it is."

Plus it's better to know too much about her life than too little, he thinks.

He blinks. She says it like it's nothing, but... "...Er, what?"

"Practically have a PhD in busting my ass." At least she's making jokes again.

And then Rey gives Firo a look. It's easy to forget what time Firo is from, and why some things don't register to either of them as normal.

She gesticulates to try and make the matter more clear. "Ma-rri-ed?" Rey says slowly, as if that would help. Maybe he just didn't hear her right. "Suppose you could say they were friends, but I'd figure they were more than that since they were wed. Together."

He looks just as perplexed as before at the enunciation.

"Is that, uh..." This is probably something that he should phrase delicately, judging from her look. Delicacy has never been Firo's strong point. "Is that normal where you're from..?"

"Is it not where you're from?" She then stops and blinks at him for a couple seconds, realizing-- "It... probably isn't, is it?"

She sighs, her arms slacking at her sides. She was not mentally prepared to be having this conversation.

"Yes, it's normal. In quite a few parts of the world, anyway." Not everywhere can be progressive, even in the 22nd Century.

Firo stares, wide-eyed. "It's not. I don't think anybody'd even really talk about that thing in public... I-I mean sometimes you hear about people who're..." Who're into that kind of thing. Probably shouldn't go there.

"A-anyway!" He whips his head back and forth, as if he can shake off this conversation like a fly. "That's not the most important thing right now, is it?"

"People generally have better things to lose their minds over than about who's fucking who like they used to. Or at least they all should."

It seems like such a trivial matter to get wrapped up in. Honestly.

She pauses, and wonders if Firo has managed to put two and two together yet that she was, just moments ago, talking about potentially having feelings for another woman as well.

But she also shakes it off. "No. I would hope that it isn't, anyway."

What were they talking about again? Oh right. Pointers.

Did she have to use that word? Or be so direct about it? Firo flushes bright red and immediately looks away. Can two women even do that? Whatever the answer, he should definitely not think about it.

He clears his throat. Okay, okay, he's got this. Just going to pretend that little revelation didn't happen. "U-uh, so y-yeah... If you want this l-lady to... uh, be your friend." He has to take a breath as if he's just been running a marathon. "...You need to... to not be so harsh about her wife."

No, he hasn't really put it together.

Rey is always direct.

Sometimes she forgets just how prude Firo can be, which is weird for a gangster. She would've figured that they'd be just as crass as soldiers. But then she also remembers why he's probably the way he is, and keeps her mouth shut.

"Well, suppose if I can manage to have friends at all, it's not impossible, so. It'd be a start."

Berga or Claire (or even Luck) would have seized on that in an instant, so Firo does have a fleeting thought of gratitude that she doesn't tease him.

"And you can have friends." She's been doing well here, hasn't she? Not just with him and Muscovy but with many people in the camp as well. "She can't be too much harder to make friends with than anybody else, if she was still willin' to be with you."

Normally he'd think that Rey killing her wife would make it impossible for them to be friends, but the lady was just talking to Rey and not trying to kill her or anything. Maybe she's completely off her rocker, but it didn't seem like she'd hated Rey. Even at the end--Firo would've been at somebody's throat for saying what Rey did.

"Perhaps she just thinks she's indebted or something. Didn't leave her behind to die fairly recently, even though my father said to..."

Lucas has a hard time empathizing with people, even with ones that have been deeply hurt like Faye. When the hospital they were in was being attacked and she ended up trapped under piles of debris, it shouldn't have been Rey's problem. But leaving Faye to die wasn't Lucas' call to make when Rey made it her problem, especially after the damage she had already caused to the woman's life.

"But that's just stupid," she decides, shaking her head.

Indebted? That does make more sense in Firo's understanding of the world than something like forgiveness. He considers that a moment. "Huh. If anything, I woulda' thought a life for a life would cancel it out. Then you both woulda' been square just for that."

So he can see Rey paying for the kill--even if he personally wouldn't put her at fault--by saving the woman, but that wouldn't explain the woman's further involvement with her.

"I know it'd be hard for you to accept, but maybe she just likes you." As a friend, he means.

"Heard a saying once that 'saving a life is better than building a seven-story establishment'. Think maybe it's something like that...?" Rey shrugs. She still isn't entirely sure what that means, other than that 'killing is wrong, saving lives is good'. But Faye had taken plenty of lives; she was a sniper, after all.

Then again, that was the thing. She was a sniper. How much of that carried over when she left the military, though? Did she try and put that part of her life behind? It would explain some things about that woman.

Rey blinks at Firo. "No, that's just strange." Why would anyone be so crazy to like--

Oh.

Now that she thinks about it, it is strange how long Faye stuck around her.

and getting ruder

>:( Reeeey

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