ataraxionlogs | Nervous Breakdown [Open]

CHARACTERS: Alex Summers [CR AU] and Open
LOCATION: Wandering the Halls
WARNINGS: PG-13. Will update if things change
SUMMARY: Alex is paranoid and worried about seeing ghosts. He is jumpy, and isn't in that great of control over his powers. Derek Hale will for sure be meeting up with him, but feel free to post your own encounter if you like!

Alex should never should have put on the mask the second time. He should have resisted, he should have listened to the small voice in the back of his head, telling him to get away from it. To lock it away, and never look at it again. But Alex, as usual, had been weak, and put it on, anyways...and had seen his sister and Darwin, burning, charred, looking at him with accusing eyes.

It was only for a few moments, but it was enough to bring nightmares back to make him think that even without the mask on, he might see them, again. He felt out of control, jumpy, shooting off plasma in the darkness. It was a danger--to himself and others, but he was trying his best to regain that control, to not let other people notice.

So he was going to go on patrol again, wander again, and act like nothing was wrong. It was what he did best; even with the monsters perhaps lurking around the corners, he'd pretend he could beat them. It was the only way he could function, now.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"He will." He probably won't, but she has faith that John will come around in time. He likes people; he has fewer reasons to fear them. "Thank you. I owe you one. We can be teammates now."

Alex laughed a bit, giving her a look. "You're..." He paused for a moment, wondering if he should continue, but then, well, fuck it, "...no human sounds that nice, for the record." He shrugged, "But I guess it does make us teammates." And as strange as it is--considering he just blasted her in the face--he likes the idea.

Cameron smiles, but it's a little quizzical, and she seems to decide to ask a question she would otherwise have left alone. "People aren't nice? I thought they liked making friends."

Alex shook his head. "They are--but usually not this fast, and not in a place like this." He shrugged. "Your brother really doesn't help you out with the social thing, does he?"

She looks away, a little flutter of self-consciousness. Or at least that's what it's meant to be. "He's not supposed to be social. Bad things happen when he is."

"...I know the feeling." Alex gave a shrug, realizing that maybe Cameron wasn't so wrong for asking him to help watch out for the kid.

"You get people killed, too?" If so, maybe Alex deserves some protection. Maybe he, too, has a league of assassins after him.

"Yeah, I did." Alex shifts a bit at that, keeping his head straight forward as they walk, his jaw set. He can't change the past, or the people he's killed, by accident or not.

"I'm sorry. It's hard for people to live with sometimes." Sometimes, because it's obviously not hard for her. And she doubts it's hard for Sarah. "Do their families want you dead for it?"

"No." Though sometimes he wanted himself dead for it--especially after his foster sister. That...he took a breath, shaking his head. "If they did, I'm not going to blame them, either."

She has been studying grief and guilt lately, trying hard to memorize the little expressions. She misses a lot of things, but not that. She wants to pat his shoulder to show support, but she's cautious about it, not wanting to startle him.

"Would you stop them, though? If they did try to kill you?"

Alex would have shaken her off, anyways. He doesn't always do well with physical touch, and this is one of those times. "Yeah, I would. Because adding me to the bodycount isn't going to bring their loved ones back."

She nods, and some of her concern abates. He's not so honorable or compassionate that he ignores common sense. So one last question: "But would it be hard for you to kill them?"

Alex shot her a look, his face serious. "I don't care who it is, killing is always hard. And it should be."

Cameron steps closer, like she can see more truth this way.

"Even if it's someone who would kill you? Or someone you loved?"

"I don't care who it is, Cameron." Alex kept his eyes on hers, his jaw set. "It's hard. Even if you act on instinct, you pay for it, later." He always had. Even when he killed people who attacked him, who deserved it, he would always remember their names, and the looks on their faces when they died.

She looks up at him, searching his face (mapping every muscle movement, but it makes her seem very vulnerable). "I don't understand. Why do you feel regret over people who would kill you? Bad people?"

"Because of who I've killed, some would think I'm the bad person. I'm never going to know what drove someone to seriously shitty acts. And regret--" Alex shook his head. "Regret keeps me grounded. Keeps me conscious of what my powers can do."

Her mouth tightens as she mulls that over.

"You hurt good people with them. On accident? You don't seem like a bad person. Or a person with bad motives."

"Two good people. One it was--I was trying to protect, but it was the first time my powers manifested." His hands tightened in fists, shaking his head. "I didn't--I didn't know."

She looks at his hands for a long moment, and then lifts her own--the right one, the one with the tremor in its fingers--and looks at it instead.

"Sometimes really powerful things are really dangerous. I've hurt people, too. Without wanting to." Another pause. "And birds."

"...never heard a bird." Alex smirked, shaking his head as he looked at her. "But other than that, I guess we have a lot in common, then." And he might not say it now, or ever, but he was glad he ran into her.

She smiles back at him, a little bit warmer than his smirk. But not much. It's not exactly a topic she enjoys having to live with. "How do you stop yourself, Alex?"

"...always thinking of control." Tightly wound, tightly held control. He also touched his chest plate. "This also helps regulate it as well." Gave him the chance to pull back the power after it started to fly.

She reaches out, wanting to examine it herself.

"How does it work? Do you have blueprints?"

(no subject)

redhotsummers - 2013-02-19 01:07 (UTC) - Expand

the_infiltrator - 2013-02-19 05:46 (UTC) - Expand

redhotsummers - 2013-02-21 01:29 (UTC) - Expand