your first family is your blood family and you always be true to that.

[altercate]

CHARACTERS: peter hale + derek hale
LOCATION: peter's room.
WARNINGS: obligatory peter hale warning.
SUMMARY: things and stuff.

[ river tam happens, and derek doesn't get the chance to check up on everything the way he usually does. jackson is gone, that he knows, but he has to round everyone else up, lay eyes on each of his pack like touchstones. if there's one thing the ship has done, it's made derek fretful, a little fearful of the loss.

he saves peter for last for a lot of reasons, none of which derek can really articulate. seeing peter will never not be painful, a reminder of things lost, a physical manifestation of all derek's guilt and mistakes. but he goes to peter's room anyway, because he has to. because derek has to see, has to know, and he could just leave when he hears peter inside, but he knocks anyway.

( derek punishes himself more than anything else in his life ever could. ) ]

I wanted to know you were still here.

[ the intricacies of social interaction escape derek, news at 11 ]

Comments

[seared]

[ peter expects the driveby; derek's still hesitant, but he's predictable. he wants peter here if perhaps not close (not fully) and for all his insecurities and flaws he is the alpha, and he won't rest until all the pack is accounted for.

the knock is a pleasant surprise, and after a moment to make sure their family picture is still neatly placed on the nightstand, he answers. (prompt, but not too prompt; derek's instincts have never been his problem, and they'll understand the message. as long as he's nominally pack, he'll be nominally obedient. you can't bring a dog to heel if you won't allow it closer than two yards over, so to speak.) ]

Which you could have done simply by listening. [ he's careful to echo but not imitate the tone of voice he used a lifetime ago, when derek and laura claimed things simply 'fell' and shattered, rather than were accidentally sent hurtling at the wall by two over-excited children. ] Is there something you need, Derek?

[altercate]

[ from the way derek's brow furrows, the message is received. and derek can't even quibble with it, not really, because there's truth to it. keeping peter at arm's length has its drawbacks. what derek is going to do about that is something else entirely, but that's something to worry about later. ]

Not right now.

[ he should tell peter about jackson. and maybe he will in due time. but his gaze skids from peter's face to the nightstand, to the picture. derek didn't have any pictures. everything burned and there was nothing left and the few things he'd found in his locker, he'd locked away rather than set out where isaac could see. ]

When did you get this?

[ derek looks but doesn't touch, puts his hands in his pockets as he passes his uncle, moves to look at the picture. familiar faces, all dead and gone. all except two. ]

[seared]

All right.

[ he nods, injecting just the faintest hint of disappointment in his tone; enough derek can hear it and wonder if it's wishful thinking or a glimpse of the man he was, reemerging. ]

It arrived with me, the first jump. I haven't been blessed by locker Santa since. [ he'll allow space for the implied naughty or nice joke to set in. ] It won't bite.

[altercate]

[ derek hears it. derek hears it and there's a stutter to his heartbeat, a quick glance back like derek wants to check, suspicion etched into his expression before he looks back at the picture. ]

Thought you just got the meat.

[ it's permission to touch, but derek doesn't. he just looks, taking in the familiar array of faces and reminds himself to breathe, not to let the guilt suffocate him. ]

[seared]

[ peter purposefully doesn't look up to see that glance, his own heartbeat strong and steady. he crosses the the bed, picking up the photograph himself. ]

We were all so happy. So strong.

[ he doesn't have to fake the wistfulness in his voice; even a man with all the feeling burnt out of him can miss the days before the fire. ] Here. [ he pushes it at derek, shoving it into his chest and letting go so he'll either have to take it or let it shatter on the ground. ] You take it.

[altercate]

[ it's like being punched. that's what it feels like, having the frame of the picture pressed into his chest, cutting into his palms. for a long moment derek doesn't say anything at all, finally just shakes his head. ]

No. It's yours.

[ whether or not derek approves...well.

sometimes derek wants to ask him how he lives with it. how does he manage to wake up everyday knowing he has blood on his hands? he's better at it than derek, and derek hates that he's jealous of that. ]

[seared]

As you're so fond of pointing out, I cold-bloodedly murdered one half of my remaining family and am a-- how did you put it? [ he taps his chin, mock-thoughtful. ] Right, 'total psycho'. So tell yourself I don't deserve it and won't appreciate for those reasons if it helps assuage that pride of yours and take the picture, Derek.

[ the best way to twist his nephew up, more than pretending peter can be who he was, is to start him down to path to wondering if he can accept who peter is. ]

[altercate]

[ derek's expression hardens, quiet and furious. it should be more difficult, pushing derek's buttons, but it's all too easy to do. peter sinks in his claws and derek doesn't even think to twist away. ]

You don't deserve it.

[ his tone is vicious. ]

But I'm not going to take it from you.

[seared]

You're right-- I don't. You do.

[ he shakes his head, purposefully stepping away and giving derek his back; trust, and a chance to not have to hide his expressions.

(peter doesn't need them, anyway.) ]

You're not taking, I'm giving. I may not be capable of the kind of compassion mercy requires, but I'm not heartless. [ quieter, now. ] Tell yourself whatever you need to, just take it.

[ it's human nature to try and empathize with your surroundings; peter may not feel anything but regret and a desire to see justice done when he looks at their faces, but derek feels so, so much more. he'll want to look for those feelings in peter-- a weakening in his changed state, a shove to stay unfeeling.

if this fills that purpose as well as giving derek another thing he'll feel he owes peter, all the better. ]

[altercate]

[ hope is a treacherous, traitorous thing. derek can feel it curling through his chest, even as the frame of the picture frame cuts into his palms. peter is what derek has left. he has pack and he has the myriad of acquaintances he's made since arriving but peter is family, peter's the only thing the fire didn't burn and destory and derek thinks that maybe-- ]

Thank you.

[ derek's voice is quiet, jagged and sharp around the edges. ]

[seared]

[ internally, peter can't help but sigh, even as he licks his chops; derek truly hasn't grown much since the fire, the same alternately needy and sulky half-child. ]

You're welcome.

[ he pauses, delicately. there's a line between nudges and shoves, and even if he's not brutal in technique, there are things that won't help his cause. the words need to be right. ]

You can choose not to believe me-- I'm almost certain you'll go that way, in fact-- but what I am capable of is missing that time. I won't say I regret much of what I've done-- [ carefully leaving room for laura's death ] taking revenge for it all being stolen from us. But at least you should know if I could, I'd turn back the clock.

[altercate]

[ it's hard to judge whether or not peter's sincere. at the end of the day, derek thinks he is. it's the only conclusion derek can come to, because of how desperately derek himself wants to go back. he'd give anything to turn things back, to go back to the day he met kate argent and turn away from her rather than let her draw him in. ]

That doesn't mean anything.

[ it's a lie, even if derek doesn't realize it. ]

[seared]

Perhaps not. But it's still the truth.

[ he sighs, letting his shoulders slump just slightly; rounding inwards, as if just slightly beaten down. lying to another wolf is hard; derek makes it easier in certain ways, but he needs to be careful. ]

Is there anything else? I think we've firmly established I'm still here.

[altercate]

[ truth. peter and truth aren't really synonymous, and some part of derek can't help but scoff, disbelieving. but peter smells truthful, his heartbeat doesn't skip, and derek looks back at the picture rather than at him. ]

I'm done here.

[ like all he needed was to make sure that peter was still here. and maybe, in his own way, it was. ]

Keep in touch.

[ and with that, he walks right out of the room, picture clutched in his hand. ]