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CHARACTERS: James Potter & Lily Evans
LOCATION: the Gardens
WARNINGS: n/a
SUMMARY: James found out about ~*~their future~*~ and now they're going to talk in person. surely this won't be awkward at all.
NOTES: a continuation of this.

[ it actually takes her about twenty-five minutes to get from her room to the O2 Gardens, and alright, she feels a little bad about it. making him wait. but only because she's sure he'll think she's doing it on purpose! intentionally stalling. or maybe not even showing up at all. which, honestly, isn't like her. but does he know that? ... since when does she care if he knows that? that's the real question here. oh, Godric.

she finds herself sort of jogging down the hallway to the entrance, notices because she's stopping before she gets there, twirling her wand between her fingers just for the distraction of it. she probably won't even need her wand. but then, who knows? she can't know for sure. it could be dangerous. there could be dangers in the Gardens! right. that's why she's stalling now. that's definitely it. nevermind that she was just worried about doing just that a second ago. she's actually kind of rocking back on her heels now, like maybe this wasn't such a good idea. what is she even going to say to him? she doesn't know. she has no idea. and she can only imagine what he'll end up saying to her.

but. ]

Pull it together, Evans.

[ she's been reduced to talking to herself now, good. that's healthy. yes, world class sanity right there. brilliant. eventually she finds herself walking through the wide door of the room, chin up, all very confident here, yes, no worrying from her. but then, she's not expecting him to be right there waiting for her. ]

Oh. Hullo.

[ like she's shocked that he's here even though he was the one that sort of suggested it first??? ]

I mean. Hullo, Potter. ..James.

[ WHY THE CORRECTION? why is she so overwhelmed? oh. right. the future. and the fact that she knows that he now knows. she sighs, like that might excuse her ridiculousness. maybe she can save the moment, erase the awkward intro with something clever, a brilliant deduction about the situation, perhaps- ]

This is all a bit mad, isn't it?

[ she's doomed. ]

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Fantastic, marvelous, brilliant, phenomenal. I could go on, if you'd like.

[ When she finally catches up, James looks at her with the most nonchalant expression he can muster. With just the right amount of smuggness, as if what he's talking about isn't all that important. ]

I don't know, Evans, you could go and try to change it.

[ bugger and blast it, he's giving her the same look she just gave him. oh fine, yes, the ball is in your court this time, Potter. she'll play. ]

Why would I do that? We've already got plans to change the future, remember? Wouldn't want to do anything to botch that up.

[ He shrugs a little, letting that sit in the air for a moment before he sighs and gives it. Since he was fighting it so much and all. ]

You didn't think that'd be our last date, did you?

[ no. ]

Actually, before I got here, I hadn't actually decided either way. It's complicated, isn't it? Continuing to date someone that made it his unwavering goal of six years to bug the ever-loving snitch out of you until you agreed to the first? [ she grins, though it's different from before, maybe, in a way she would never acknowledge ] One nice date doesn't automatically entitle you to another, you know. Have to earn it.

Yes, well, where I'm from you have agreed to a second. And third. And fourth, and depending on if you want to count that one time...

[ Just grinning. All the grins. Mostly because this conversation with Lily is going much better than planned. She hasn't slapped him and walked away, yet, which is always a plus. ]

However complicated you want to make it out, my unwavering attempts to gain your favor must have worked. To a degree.

Fourth? Four- We've gone on four dates by the end of term?

[ that seems like a lot. maybe because she's still in the middle of the consideration process, yeah. it's- she looks like she's caught in that process right now, because she's not really looking at him at this point. she takes to drawing tiny figure eights with her wand, a white spark scorching the air as she does so, drawing the figure. oddly, it helps her think. kind of. the tiny surge of magic it takes to make the sparks forces her to focus. ]

Part of me can believe that. If I'm to be perfectly honest, I mean. Yes. But part of me- can't just forget about the way you acted back home. [ mostly, she still gets caught thinking about Severus, the torment from the Marauders she used to break up from time to time. it's hard to pull herself away from that. she almost feels guilty for wanting to, despite the sting of how much her old friend has changed since they first met back home. mudblood. ] And it's not just in my head, Potter, I know you'll say you think it is. You have this- infuriating habit of seeing only what you want to see. And maybe in a couple of months I would have been able to see past certain things as well. But right now? [ she sighs ] I guess I'm not there yet. Not entirely.

We have. And then some.

[ and maybe his grin drops a little - not completely, because he's still reveling in the whole fact he knows and she seems so surprised by it (james loves throwing lily off, if he can), but enough. it's just a smidge disheartening to thinking that they're back to before term. that she doesn't remember their whole last semester. some of his favorite memories with her were from there, and if she hasn't lived through them yet, it's literally as if it's just all in his head.

he shrugs, though, at her comments. ]

Doesn't really matter much, does it? [ and no, he's not talking about her inability to see him like that, and before she can chime in, he continues. ] I mean the dates. You might've agreed to them and as far as I could tell, enjoyed them, when I'm from; but if you haven't had them yet... they might as well have never happened.

[ now it's james' turn to turn away, suddenly very very interested in the trees around them. and yeah, okay. james isn't so self-centered and horrible that he doesn't recognize a lot of how he treated (sometimes still wishes he did treat) snape was a little horrid, but it gets downplayed by how horrid he is as a person, in his mind. but he knows, and he knows it bothers lily more than anything, and then it turns around and bothers him that she's still seeing him like that. he might not have changed drastically, but the fact she'd given him a chance made him think he'd changed enough. and now they're basically back to square one - or one and a half, at least. ]

Guess I just have to start over again.

[ she's quiet for a short while, watching her feet more than the path ahead or even the space around them. which isn't like her, but neither is being stuck on a spaceship talking to James Potter about the future either, so. maybe she's earned a bit of uncharacteristic behavior. it's sad, in a way, the thought of Potter having memories that she doesn't, when they're ( as far as she can tell ) happy ones, especially. ]

It matters. [ which she wanted to say much earlier, but she had to figure out what matters to her, first ] It's not so farfetched to think that I enjoyed going out with you, it was never entirely about- I don't hate you, you know that, right? I never did.

[ which is why she always reacted so harshly when he teased Severus, or anybody else. ]

Think about it. Switch places with me. Let's say there's this girl, who's popular and bright, gets high marks and plays Quidditch, the whole deal. She's charming, in a way, and she's even prone to having these great moments of chivalry, and bravery. She's a good person, you can tell, and there's even times you catch yourself thinking about her more than you think about most girls. [ this is getting harder and harder to set up, mostly because she's getting embarrassed to be ..talking about how she sees James, but using female pronouns. anyway. ] But she also makes a habit of picking on ..Remus. Singles him out. Calls him awful names, hexes him, jinxes him, and in front of the whole school, no less. And ( strictly for the sake of this hypothetical situation ) maybe yeah, Remus doesn't always make the best decisions. He spends time with people he shouldn't, an unsavory crowd maybe. But he's still Remus, right? Your best friend, the boy you grew up with, trust your life with. And this girl is going out of her way to torment him, nearly every day.

[ she swallows, looks over at James with a sad sort of expression, though it's mostly just in her eyes. this likely isn't going to make things any easier between them, but she feels like she needs to explain. ]

Then let's say that girl asks you out on a date. Which is flattering, sure, you know she could date anybody she wants to, and she's picked you. But could you say really yes? Despite the way she's treating your best friend.

You sure about that? Because you've definitely spent a majority of our school years trying to convince me of the opposite.

[ that's a tease, which Lily should be able to tell by the fact she can almost hear a slight smirk on the edge of that. even if neither of them are looking at each other. yet. we say yet because James does eventually turn to her when she starts on about hypothetical situation of their, well, situation. there's too much he can pick out of there, things to repeat to make her realize what she's saying when it comes to describing him, but he doesn't. mostly because he realizes she's being a little more serious about it, and mostly because he wants her to realize he's taking it just as seriously. ]

Is that how you see it? Really? [ it's an honest question on his part, because it's a little hard for him to be able to see Severus in that same light. even trying to imagine Remus being like him, in position alone... but he takes a breath, slides his hand through his hair, and makes an effort. ] Well, from your story alone - hypothetically speaking - I wouldn't give the girl the time of day.

[ and maybe it's said a little bluntly, but this is Remus they're hypothetically speaking about, and James has always been a little overly loyal to his friends. and protective, even, of Remus. ]

But then again, I'd have to take Remus' reaction into account. [ suddenly James realizes how difficult it is to speak in hypotheticals like this, because it's Remus and just the idea is difficult, but he tries. ] Because there's only so much I could do to stand up for him, if he went out of his way to...well. Instigate things with this girl. Called her daft, idiotic, followed her around with the intention of getting her in trouble - so this girl's response might be a little extreme, if I don't know about how Remus responds when I'm not around, but it's not unprovoked. Not entirely.

[ he opens his mouth to go on, to mention and then, of course, I might take into account just how close I am to Remus, how this girl would see it but he doesn't. doesn't want to get into his own jealousy over that, not in front of Lily. ]

So could I say yes? Yeah. Especially if it was just for a first date, because I like giving people a chance to prove themselves outside of what might be more complicated than I think it is. Beyond that it'd depend on the girl, and on Remus.

[ and maybe James doesn't know the full story behind Lily and Snape. maybe he's only heard rumors and made assumptions over the way they'd seemed to look at each other in the halls, during that second term. how Lily hadn't seemed to care at the fact Snape would glare at them, constantly, no matter where they were. something had happened, there, sure. but he hadn't asked Lily, no matter how curious he might have been. ]

[ Lily's usually pretty ..okay at keeping her emotions in check, she doesn't fly off the handle when she's upset, nothing so drastic. but she feels her face turn hot about halfway through his rebuttal, her pace slowing down until she's found herself kind of stuck in one place, a frown pulling at her mouth. it's just- it's Severus. she knows he can be snide, at times, he gets angry too quickly, holds grudges. but all she can think of is that very first day of their first year at Hogwarts, on the train. it's what it always comes back to. they hadn't even given him a chance. and, with that, she decided she wouldn't give the boys a chance either, despite being in the same house as them. it took her a long time to see past that, see beyond her loyalty to Severus. mostly because, by her 6th year, that loyalty had been broken and pushed beyond repair.

their time before then, though... it's hard letting go of that memory, still, even now. of the boy who told her she wasn't a freak, that she didn't have to be afraid of what she is, or what other people would think. the boy who explained the wizarding world to her before she even got her letter, knew what she had inside her was magic, not anything bad, or scary. the boy who sat with her in the library when she had already spent two more hours than she likely needed to, just to keep her company while she studied. who she broke down in front of more than a handful of times during her first couple years at school, when she was afraid she wasn't good enough, didn't really belong there.

which is why she looks so upset, despite the fact that this isn't about Severus, not really. the anger that flares up isn't entirely directed at James, but it takes her a second to realize how strongly the topic effects her, so first- ]

He only reacted that way because you left him no choice. The professors don't look at him the way they look at you. You're their- their golden boy, while he was left behind to pick himself back up after whatever humiliating thing you felt like putting him through that day. [ her hands are balled up into fists again, wand gripped tight in one ] You have no idea what it's like, being an outcast. The outcast, for a lot of unfair reasons, one of which being that he was my friend when nobody else would be. [ ... okay so really, only her first year she felt that way. turns out there are a lot of wizards that will drop their blood purity prejudices once they realize a muggleborn has the talent. but, that's not the point ] If you had any inkling of compassion under all that ego you would have seen that the best way, the easiest way to get me to actually see you as someone worth giving a chance, it would have been to just apologize to him. You had the power to make things right and you never did. Which- And- It's- No, it wasn't even about me, though, it shouldn't have ever been because of me. You should have just made amends all on your own, because it's the right thing to do. Instead you just kept pushing him and pushing him- Why couldn't you have just apologized?!

[ oh, she's- shouting, by that last question. which makes her shut up real fast, because she doesn't want to be yelling at him, like, at all. her hand even moves to cover her mouth, because she can't believe she just blurted that all out, that she's even being that blunt with him at all. if she could stupefy herself, she would. right now. that would be marvelous. unfortunately, she's just left standing there, embarrassed.

she knows perfectly well James Potter isn't to blame for Severus finding his way into the group of Slytherins that openly supported the Dark Lord. she knows it's not his fault. but for whatever reason, it's a lot easier to blame him for it than to admit that Sev made the decision on his own. he wasn't pushed, he just- wanted to ]

-- I'm sorry, i shouldn't have-

[ aaah, shaking her head now, blinking hard before looking down, taking a few steps back ]

[ James watches Lily shift, in their conversation. watches her drop the hypotheticals, instantly, and he almost wishes he could take it back. maybe, in another place, he would have reared back up at her. his voice might have gone up and he might have yelled back, because she's attacking him and how he dealt with this. it bothers him that she's still so attached to someone like severus snape, bothers him deep down in his core, but he can't really blame her for reacting like this.

if he wasn't so emotionally drained, already, he might have responded a little more extreme. but after a day of dealing with his death, his marriage to lily and then her death, the war and their future and everything that comes with it, he doesn't have it in him to be angry at anyone else. and Lily's just upset, because yeah maybe Snape was her friend at one point and yeah, okay. maybe James could have been a little more mature about it, but he was just a kid (still just a kid) and Snape was just as bad. and she's sitting there, expecting him to be the better man here? or expected him to be the better man? it makes him angry because it's not his fault Snape was a prick to everyone, professors included. it's not his fault. and it bothers him more so that she's still sticking up for that prat when he knows they're not friends anymore. he knows it. ]

How are you mad at me? And standing up for him? I'm not the one that called you- [ he can't even say it, not when she's standing right in front of him. when she's obviously torn up about all this. but Snape had called her that, he had, and James had seen it and it still infuriates him. how Lily could even stand to have been friends with someone like that, he doesn't know. doesn't understand.

James just stares at her while she finishes, because he'd tried to interject but couldn't even finish his comment, and then she's all but screaming at him. yelling, shouting, like it's still his fault, everything is his fault, and he wants to match her. he does. but he can't bring himself to react beyond setting his jaw, standing his ground and weathering through her outburst, staring at her. and when she finishes, gets embarrassed and tries to apologize, he has a hard time shifting back out of it again. ]

No, don't-- don't apologize if that's how you really feel. [ even when he doesn't know how to react to it, because there's not enough in him at this point to get angry. not over something that, in retrospect, seems so idiotic and insignificant as severus snape. but he figures Lil deserves something more than just his empty stare, so he shrugs, looks away from her. waits to she'll kill him if he tries to approach her. and maybe it's his pride - one of the few negative aspects of being a gryffindor - or maybe it's something else, that spurs him on to speak. but he does, keeping his eyes away from her. ] I didn't apologize, and won't apologize, to him because he doesn't deserve it. Doesn't deserve anything. Didn't deserve you.

[ that last part slips out, too fast for him to even think about holding it back, and he just closes his eyes and hopes that maybe - by some twist of fate - she might not comment on it. ]

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