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CHARACTERS: James Potter & Lily Evans
LOCATION: the Gardens
WARNINGS: n/a
SUMMARY: James found out about ~*~their future~*~ and now they're going to talk in person. surely this won't be awkward at all.
NOTES: a continuation of this.

[ it actually takes her about twenty-five minutes to get from her room to the O2 Gardens, and alright, she feels a little bad about it. making him wait. but only because she's sure he'll think she's doing it on purpose! intentionally stalling. or maybe not even showing up at all. which, honestly, isn't like her. but does he know that? ... since when does she care if he knows that? that's the real question here. oh, Godric.

she finds herself sort of jogging down the hallway to the entrance, notices because she's stopping before she gets there, twirling her wand between her fingers just for the distraction of it. she probably won't even need her wand. but then, who knows? she can't know for sure. it could be dangerous. there could be dangers in the Gardens! right. that's why she's stalling now. that's definitely it. nevermind that she was just worried about doing just that a second ago. she's actually kind of rocking back on her heels now, like maybe this wasn't such a good idea. what is she even going to say to him? she doesn't know. she has no idea. and she can only imagine what he'll end up saying to her.

but. ]

Pull it together, Evans.

[ she's been reduced to talking to herself now, good. that's healthy. yes, world class sanity right there. brilliant. eventually she finds herself walking through the wide door of the room, chin up, all very confident here, yes, no worrying from her. but then, she's not expecting him to be right there waiting for her. ]

Oh. Hullo.

[ like she's shocked that he's here even though he was the one that sort of suggested it first??? ]

I mean. Hullo, Potter. ..James.

[ WHY THE CORRECTION? why is she so overwhelmed? oh. right. the future. and the fact that she knows that he now knows. she sighs, like that might excuse her ridiculousness. maybe she can save the moment, erase the awkward intro with something clever, a brilliant deduction about the situation, perhaps- ]

This is all a bit mad, isn't it?

[ she's doomed. ]

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[ He doesn't really notice how late she is in meeting him - twenty five minutes? didn't he say half hour? does it matter? - with his head so full of everything else. She honestly could show up hours later and, after having moved to the entrance and picked a spot to stand, he would still be there. Standing, yes, but also thinking. Which is a dangerous past time, when all you have to think about is a future where no one seems particularly happy. No one seems okay. He hasn't even talked to Harry yet, which he probably should. An apology, perhaps, for thinking he was mental when they ran into each other only to find out that he's been the one in the dark...

James doesn't much like thinking about his friends that way - Remus and Sirius, keeping things from him - but somehow it's easier to accept Evans would. It's not like she owes him anything, in that respect, and because of that maybe it's easier to talk to her about it. Or think about talking to her about it. Or maybe they won't mention it at all because they have been on a few dates, sure, and he did steal that one kiss and then there was the train, but last he checked, she still thought he was a prat.

Which is something James can work with, of course, but it's quite a ways off from being married and having children.

And that is the topic his mind has fallen to, when she comes walking through the entrance, and maybe he should have picked a spot that wasn't right inside the door because then it wouldn't be as awkward, but he can't bring himself to care. Not when Lily immediately tenses up, flusters, and it takes all the restraint he has not to laugh. Granted, he's still grinning a little, but it's a step. ]

Hullo, Evans. [ a beat; are they really going to do this? ] Lily.

[ But then he deflates just a bit because yes, it is a bit mad. Rather than responding to that part, though, he's going to slide his wand back into his pocket, his hand going with it and he tilts his head to the gardens behind them. ]

You wanted to see the Gardens?

-- Yes. Please.

[ ... well. that. wasn't what she was expecting. and it's written all over her face. just a brief moment of open-mouthed surprise, like she's about to ask 'um?'. but it never comes. instead she huffs a short breath through her nose, brow furrowing up before she turns to step off into some direction. any direction that isn't right back out the door again. no, she doesn't know her way around. but she's not opposed to a little exploring, nor is she opposed to leading the way. she makes it about nine steps before she stops right there and- ]

Are we really not going to talk about what we just talked about? [ another browfurrow, but this time at her own choice of words. she still isn't looking at him, instead choosing to look down at her feet, then over at whatever that machine is over there. pumping water into the ground, maybe. she can't tell. but oh boy, it's so very interesting. ] I think maybe we ought to. Just so it's out of our systems.

[ It's one of the things he's really come to appreciate about Lily Evans. Not only is she not afraid to just...walk off. In any direction for any reason as long as she's the one taking the first step. But she also won't let the elephant in the room linger for long. He follows, of course, amused at the fact she's apparently never been here before yet seems to know exactly where she wants to go, before the abrupt stop.

And...well. Okay. Was he really expecting anything else? James gives her a shrug, though, about to ask if she really wanted to talk about it before she's already off on the next point. That they should. ]

Out of our systems, right. [ Because talking about it will suddenly mean that it's not an issue anymore. Not at all. She's not looking at him, which obviously means that he has to look at her. Watch her pointedly not look back at him. ] Which part, exactly? The part we get married or the part about our son's on board and nearly twenty years old?

[ he's looking at her, isn't he?

-- yep. and it was a small mistake to check for sure, because she feels her face turn hot, and she's sure her cheeks are pink, which doesn't exactly make her look all that calm or collected about all of this. James wasn't meant to find out. not so soon, not before she had a chance to figure it out. the last time she was home, she had barely convinced herself that it might be a little bit okay for her to fancy him, give him a chance, and now- this. it's a big leap. one that she's still trying to process and gain her footing back, so to speak. ]

The part where we have a son, yes. The part about how we weren't in his life, at all, and now we suddenly are, so what we do and what we say matters a lot more than it did before we met him. [ at least, she thinks so. her feelings for James, whatever they are - negative or positive, haven't suddenly changed or anything, but she's definitely feeling more.. self-aware, since she met Harry. there's a chance that alternate realities are at play, maybe in her timeline things turn out different. or maybe, he is a direct result of her choices, her actions, and that means she's responsible for him, on some level. maybe he doesn't need someone to look after him, but the impression she makes on him matters to her more than- well, more than anyone else. it's intimidating. ] Think about it. Can you imagine? Going your whole life never knowing what your parents were really like, and then you wind up meeting them through some outrageous circumstances, and you meet- well, you meet us. Doesn't that scare you? Because I have to admit, the idea of Harry being disappointed in what he sees in me scares me more than the idea of dueling some.. power-hungry wizard with an agenda. A lot more, in fact.

[ He smiles a little when she notices his reaction, very much in that pigtail-pulling kind of way he has with her. It's heightened even more so by the fact she's from earlier, before. He has all those memories with her that she doesn't, and while it should bother him, it kind of excites him as well. Like he gets a second chance to do the chasing all over again.

But then again, this is Lily Evans. And she's just going to launch them both right into the one thing - really, the one thing - he's been avoiding about the whole ordeal. It's so much easier to focus on your own death and your apparent future with a girl who just let you kiss her than the fact you...well. Cock the whole 'family' bit up. Much easier to be selfish, but they never can do that for long. ]

Bloody hell, Evans. It's not like we meant to leave him. If we didn't-- [ He cuts himself off, taking a breath. She's been here for a couple of months before him, must have learned about it at some point back then. Which means she's had time to stew on it, time to think it over and overthink it and decide on the worst possible point to focus on and deal with. It's his turn to turn away from her, drop his eyes down to his feet while he brings a hand up to run through his hair, nervously. ] I wouldn't say scare, necessarily, but it's fairly intimidating. [ a chuckle, though it's a little strained. ] Never thought I'd have to worry about making a good impression on my own kid.

[ It all turns down into a frown when she mentions dueling. The fact they're all planning on changing their future, changing everything. ] If we do fight Voldemort, though, we won't have to worry about it. We'll be there, you know, be able to raise him. Protect him from whatever war he's spent his life fighting. It'll fix everything.

When we go back. If we go back. [ which is another thing entirely. aaand now she'll launch right into it; ] That's not even taking into account the fact that none of us are from the same point in time. How would that even work? If our timelines freeze while we're here, are we all just stuck until each of us gets put back where we belong? It doesn't make any sense. This ship doesn't make any sense.

[ she absolutely despises being pessimistic. it's against her gut, against what she would normally voice. but in this, with how adamant Remus and Sirius are on the matter, it seems only right to try and balance out the opinions. prepare for the worst, now that they know things go south. ]

What if the only chance we get for spending time with him is here? Let's say we're stuck here - which is possible, by the way, considering there are people who have been here for well over a year now - we can't just focus on how we'll change things back home, we need to- we need to think about what's right in front of us, don't we? [ a pause ] But I'm not even sure what that means.

We have to go back. [ he's not nearly as confident with that statement as he probably should be. they have to, though, don't they? if sirius is from their future and doesn't remember them suddenly disappearing? isn't that how time works? because it makes it head hurt, the more he tries to reason it out. understand it. ] I don't know about going back - Sirius is from further down and he didn't mention us all suddenly dropping off into nothing and I was just with him. He'd notice. We have to go back because I remember you, second term. You're not stuck here forever.

[ the worst part about it is that everything she says makes sense. it's probably just the shock of it, the fact he doesn't really want to be here at all even if it's all interesting and new. he doesn't want to be here because if he wasn't here maybe the future won't happen. he can't help but agree, somewhere down in his gut, but his heart and his head say otherwise. ]

It won't be. [ that's when the confidence comes back to him, at least for this moment, because Lily's talking about them both dying and while he might have a hard time accepting his own death, he refuses to accept hers. ] We know what's going to happen, now, which is more than what we could have said before coming here. Remus and Sirius have been here for months, you've been here for months, and maybe we'll be here longer than that. I don't know. But we have to go back, at some point, and when we do we'll change it. [ he presses his mouth into a thin line, stubbornly, letting that sit for a moment before he sighs again. ] I'm not-- I'm not against getting to know him. Merlin, I want to get to know him, but you can't think about it like that. Like this is our only chance.

[ boys, honestly. Potter has the same hard-headed ( and she means this in the best possibly way. kind of ) stubbornness that Sirius has, which she's known for a while, but it's becoming more and more clear now that he's here with them too. she saw it in Sirius when they all sat down with Harry to talk about the future, and she's seeing it here again in Potter. it's hard to argue with it, if not just because she knows they'll come at it all the more stronger the more she insists otherwise. so she turns to look at him, with a very obvious expression of 'fine, we'll go with what you say even if I don't entirely believe it', before she says anything else. there's also some stubborn streak in herself that wants to say 'oh, I can't? really?' but she doesn't feel like bickering with him. for once. not now, at least. ]

Even if this isn't our only chance, it's still our first chance. So that has to mean something. [ what? she doesn't know. she's just trying to get back to her point without outwardly disagreeing with him. ] It means you and I have to- figure something out. [ ... what does that even MEAN? ] Like how you might have different memories from me. Possibly. Not just more, but. Different ones. Remus and I seem to be from the same timeline, at least, Sirius as well. We should probably make sure we're from the same... [ she's gesturing with her wand, yep, a line, between herself and Potter ] You know? So we don't have anything to hide. No more secrets. [ not that she's told Sirius or Remus any secrets, but. really she's just wondering where another semester at Hogwarts lands her in the grand scheme of things. ]

[ James doesn't necessarily know how to take the look she shoots him - mostly because he knows she's conceding to his point, but doesn't believe him. Or maybe she doesn't, but is being stubborn about it. Either way it doesn't sit well in his stomach because it's still Lily and dying and he can't let her think that's an option. Not when it's his fault. Not when Peter is - was? is supposed to be? - his friend. But she moves on, and he's grateful for it. Not happy, per say, but grateful, even if the topic doesn't get any easier. ]

Figure what out, then? [ Because while he understands what she's saying - about them remembering different things and how there shouldn't be any more secrets between them (something that still makes his chest tighten, just a little), and she's right, of course. He turns to her with something of a confused look, only because he never considered different timelines. Not when they're all the same, maybe a year maybe a few months apart. ] How can we have different memories? I thought we were all from the same time liney thing [ hand wave because he really doesn't know what he's talking about ] save for possibly Harry. Maybe.

[ He watches her wand, though, lifting his eyes to her with one raised eyebrow. ] You want to compare memories, is that it? Make sure we remember all the same thing? Do you want to know about the future too, since I'm supposed to be months ahead of you? [ He's not trying to hold that over her head, but it's hard when those few months are literally the only thing he has. On anyone, on anything, and even then Sirius is still months ahead of him. Into their next year. ]

... Maybe.

[ oh, but she doesn't want to give James yet another reason to feel boastful, but she might have to play into it in order to find anything out. she's not trying to be sneaky, she's not, it's just difficult now to simply ask, what with what they know. too much interest in the future sort leaves room for him to infer certain things, doesn't it? which she doesn't want. at all. not just yet. maybe it's already known - going on a date with someone definitely reveals an interest at least, but-

why is she thinking so much about this?!

Lily starts walking again, heading towards the jungle. which maybe isn't a smart place to go, she doesn't know her way around it, but how bad could it be? if anything she could try ( try, key word ) Apparating out, if they get too lost. she knows the mechanics of it, even if she isn't technically old enough to. oops? ]

Alright- true or false. In our fifth year, you and Sirius managed to make our newly appointed Head Boy cry within a few hours of the Welcoming Feast by.. [ she doesn't sound impressed. but obviously she wouldn't be bringing it up if she wasn't at least a little amused by it. Avery was a git, he reigned terror over the castle for the rest of the year for the embarrassment he felt after the stunt they pulled. ] ..casting a permanent sticking charm to the trick stair in the left wing of the castle, knowing full well he would step on it to show the first years not to do so. He had to take off his shoe and his trousers in order to pull himself free, didn't he? [ she peeks over at him again, seeing if any of that is ringing a bell or if she's remembering something that he never experienced. ]

Maybe.

[ He repeats her just because he can, because if she's talking about what he thinks she's talking about then they are seriously going to end up spending the entire day in his garden making sure they remember all the same things. which honestly, he's quite okay with. it's just too bad there isn't a pub to go to afterwards. he could talk her into another second date, her first second date, if this doesn't already count.

because yes, as always, his priorities are in he right place.

James follows after her easily enough into the jungle, not really thinking about how he's never been this far into it and wondering if it'll be a problem. actually no, that's a lie. James doesn't even wonder if it'll be a problem, just walks head-first into it with Lily leaving because he is old enough to apparate. which means he can always get him and Lily out of necessary. ]

False. [ he answers quickly, hesitating for only a moment before he breaks out into a grin. ] It was actually Remus' handiwork, so he should get credit, and you forgot the sock. Those were there for weeks. [ and he laughs a little, thinking back on the memory, how they'd almost run into Dumbledore while under the cloak, but how the man had just stared at them with that little twinkle in his eyes before moving on again. he's lost in thought for a moment before he looks back up at her, his grin a little devious. ] True or false - you actually did attend the Quidditch Cup game our fourth year when the bludger caught my broom and I was in the infirmary for the weekend. [ he doesn't mention they lost that year, only the game itself. ] Despite vehemently refusing to show your face on the pitch when I asked you earlier that day.

[ there's a mild s q u i n t because oh, he's twisting her memory game into something sneaky! well. she can play this game, too. ]

T-rue.

[ like she doesn't want to admit it. and she's quick to dive right into her explanation; ]

Only because Alice insisted I go with her because Frank had just gotten back onto his broom, say, a week before then, yeah? After he tore up that muscle in his back in the match against Hufflepuff. She was a mess, completely wrecked and worried, so I went with her to make sure she didn't have some sort of fit whenever he so much as winced. It's not as if I wanted to go. [ and because it was the Cup, and Lily does try to be diplomatic about her House pride, but. well. she's a bit competitive as well. and if that meant being at the match and cheering for a team on which both Black and Potter played, then so be it. however, no, she will not be admitting this to anyone. ]

Oh, I've gone one- you purposely made sure to add too much hellebore to our Draught of Peace last year because you knew it would melt my good brass cauldron clear through the bottom. [ she doesn't sound bitter, if anything she sounds amused and ..smug. hey, if he's bringing up her Quidditch attendance, she's allowed to call him out on this. ] And you did it because you knew Professor Slughorn would insist that you help chip in a few galleons towards a new one for me to use, once you admitted it was your mistake that ruined the cauldron, hence making sure I had no choice but to spent the first half of my October Hogsmeade trip with you while we picked one out. [ go on, deny it, Potter. ] True or false?

[ so first there's the grin, because he knew he saw her in the stands. he knew it, which might have been why he'd been distracted in the first place, but no one but Sirius knew that. or he guesses he should say Sirius and Remus and Peter, because information flies between the four of them faster than any broom on the market.

and it doesn't matter what her explanation is, because the smug grin doesn't fade until she's onto her next memory, which was much closer. just a few months before christmas break, actually, and James pauses for a moment just to think back on it. and maybe he feels a little guilty about that one, but she'd gotten her new cauldron (that he found a way to pay for completely, mind you) and they'd had a decent conversation and James considers that a very positive memory in his books. ]

True. [ ah, feel smug all you want, Lily. James detected no hint of bittnerness or malice or anything of the sort when she recounted the memory. he shrugs a little, before he's grinning again, turning it back on her. ] That's only because you've been so successful in adamantly refusing any of my advances for that whole semester. [ granted, his advances had been a little crude, and possibly consisted of a lot of on-the-spot moments and calls across the green, but none the less she wouldn't have gone with him if she didn't have to. so he made her have to. ]

But- [ because the story doesn't end there, not when Lily's apparently from that Christmas Break so he's perfectly allowed to bring this up- ] true or false. You wouldn't have agreed to go on our first date if it wasn't for that Hogsmeade trip. And you have to admit, you had fun on our first date.

[ meaning: it had been worth it. ]

[ she actually laughs, but it's a little bit incredulous ] Successful! As if it's some sort of competition. Like I was sitting around going, 'no, not quite what I had in mind for a date offer. maybe next time, Potter.' I didn't-

[ but he continues on and well maybe there's some truth to what he's saying, but she will not, will not admit to it. not so easily. ]

False. Do you really want to know why I agreed to that first date? Our first actual, real, not-set-up-via-cauldron-destruction date, which was ...not as awful as I anticipated it would be, I'll give you that much. Hogsmeade was a benefitting factor, maybe, but it wasn't the reason why I agreed to go out with you.

[ ah yes, there it is. her laugh. ] That's what it felt like, honest! Judging my performance for a grade, perhaps.

[ her very pointed false is actually a little surprising, and he raises his eyebrows at her in response. no? you sure about that, Evans? ]

What was it then?

[ her mouth drops - judging for a grade! as if she would ever stoop to that level of-! but she won't even grace that statement with a defense, not when there are much more interesting topics to move onto. she turns around then, turning to walk backwards so she can face him while she talks, footsteps getting a little bit shorter just for the sake of not tripping over herself. although her answer is simple, so she won't be turned around all that long. maybe. ]

I said yes to that date in December because-

[ she takes a deep breath in, like she's about to admit something very secret and very juicy, but then- ]

-- of Remus Lupin.

[ he matches her steps, interested in whatever detail she's about to give him into her psyche and thought process, so it can be one more thing he remembers. keeps in mind for the next date or time where a date could possibly arise.

but then he stops and stares at her because he needs a moment to let that sink in. ]

Remus Lupin. Our [ because the marauders always speak in the royal 'we' ] Remus Lupin. [ a pause, for effect, before: ] You're going to have to explain this one to me, Evans, because I'm not following.

[ Lily slows to a stop as well, her head tilting a bit, silently asking why he's stopped before he even says anything. but she knows why, she knows Potter well enough to know the sorts of things he builds up in that head of is, and how to properly aim a flick of her wand right at the core of it so it shakes and wobbles around enough for him to back off a bit. she would never ( okay, this isn't entirely true, but let's not get picky ) do anything to try and hurt him, only discourage him enough to give her a few days' peace, but- anyway! she leans down to scratch her knee with her wand, like this is all very natural, not all that interesting ]

Well, sure. Who else? [ this is where that whole 'isn't entirely true' factor comes in ] It's not as if you had done anything spectacularly different that time around. Sabotaging my Potions assignment was a clever ploy, maybe, but not exactly the right thing to do to convince me that you were more than just a bully.[ dingdingding it always comes back to Severus. but. let's not go into details. ] So it was Remus who convinced me to give you a chance. He was your true champion, to be honest.

[ it's partially the fact that Lily is so calm and collected about all this that makes James even more confused. Remus - bloody brilliant Remus - somehow convinced Lily Evans to go on a date with him. somehow. and sure he knew the two were friends, it was kind of hard to ignore with that kind of connection, but he hadn't known that his friend was playing such an active role in his love life. because while, yes, Remus might have gotten Evans to agree to the first date, James could take pride in the second. and third. and...well.

he scoffs, though, for good measure. ]

That's a ruddy lie and we both know it. If you thought I was just a bully you wouldn't have agreed to go with me, Remus' persuasive skills or no. [ but he laughs, anyway, shaking his head and continuing on to catch up with Lily in their walk. ] But it does seem I owe him a great thanks. If I hadn't got you on that first date, I wouldn't- well. [ and then he just keeps on walking. care to catch up? ]

Alright, let's say I am aware of your more positive traits, that doesn't make your penchant for pranking and bullying any less a black mark against your character. Remus was the one who ..made it a little easier to look past that for once, even if it seemed completely ridiculous considering the circumstances. [ he's my best friend, Potter. was. was her best friend. but she doesn't have very long to dwell on that sad fact, considering he's passed her on the little worn path.

her eyes narrow, determined ]

You wouldn't what?

[ It's a good thing James has grown up to realize that arguing about the semantics of bullying and how he hasn't actually bullied anyone in years (okay, maybe since last year, but everything this past year has been purely for humor) would not help his case, or else this conversation might have taken a turn for the worse.

Instead, he just rolls his eyes. And makes a mental not to dangle this piece of information over Remus' head. ]

Ridiculous or no, you agreed. And you had a wonderful time.

[ and then James just grins, and shrugs a little. ]

Dunno if I have the right to say, future shenanigans and all.

Wonderful is a strong word-

[ but that's not the important part here. Lily widens her stride a little bit, just until she's caught up, a step ahead ( almost. James has the advantage here, being taller ), so she can turn to look at him, trying to gauge his, well, smugness. he could be bluffing! ]

You have the right to say anything you like, considering I'm asking. It's not as if I can change the future, not if it's already happened. Right? [ shhhh it makes sense. ]

Fantastic, marvelous, brilliant, phenomenal. I could go on, if you'd like.

[ When she finally catches up, James looks at her with the most nonchalant expression he can muster. With just the right amount of smuggness, as if what he's talking about isn't all that important. ]

I don't know, Evans, you could go and try to change it.

[ bugger and blast it, he's giving her the same look she just gave him. oh fine, yes, the ball is in your court this time, Potter. she'll play. ]

Why would I do that? We've already got plans to change the future, remember? Wouldn't want to do anything to botch that up.

[ He shrugs a little, letting that sit in the air for a moment before he sighs and gives it. Since he was fighting it so much and all. ]

You didn't think that'd be our last date, did you?

[ no. ]

Actually, before I got here, I hadn't actually decided either way. It's complicated, isn't it? Continuing to date someone that made it his unwavering goal of six years to bug the ever-loving snitch out of you until you agreed to the first? [ she grins, though it's different from before, maybe, in a way she would never acknowledge ] One nice date doesn't automatically entitle you to another, you know. Have to earn it.

Yes, well, where I'm from you have agreed to a second. And third. And fourth, and depending on if you want to count that one time...

[ Just grinning. All the grins. Mostly because this conversation with Lily is going much better than planned. She hasn't slapped him and walked away, yet, which is always a plus. ]

However complicated you want to make it out, my unwavering attempts to gain your favor must have worked. To a degree.

Fourth? Four- We've gone on four dates by the end of term?

[ that seems like a lot. maybe because she's still in the middle of the consideration process, yeah. it's- she looks like she's caught in that process right now, because she's not really looking at him at this point. she takes to drawing tiny figure eights with her wand, a white spark scorching the air as she does so, drawing the figure. oddly, it helps her think. kind of. the tiny surge of magic it takes to make the sparks forces her to focus. ]

Part of me can believe that. If I'm to be perfectly honest, I mean. Yes. But part of me- can't just forget about the way you acted back home. [ mostly, she still gets caught thinking about Severus, the torment from the Marauders she used to break up from time to time. it's hard to pull herself away from that. she almost feels guilty for wanting to, despite the sting of how much her old friend has changed since they first met back home. mudblood. ] And it's not just in my head, Potter, I know you'll say you think it is. You have this- infuriating habit of seeing only what you want to see. And maybe in a couple of months I would have been able to see past certain things as well. But right now? [ she sighs ] I guess I'm not there yet. Not entirely.

We have. And then some.

[ and maybe his grin drops a little - not completely, because he's still reveling in the whole fact he knows and she seems so surprised by it (james loves throwing lily off, if he can), but enough. it's just a smidge disheartening to thinking that they're back to before term. that she doesn't remember their whole last semester. some of his favorite memories with her were from there, and if she hasn't lived through them yet, it's literally as if it's just all in his head.

he shrugs, though, at her comments. ]

Doesn't really matter much, does it? [ and no, he's not talking about her inability to see him like that, and before she can chime in, he continues. ] I mean the dates. You might've agreed to them and as far as I could tell, enjoyed them, when I'm from; but if you haven't had them yet... they might as well have never happened.

[ now it's james' turn to turn away, suddenly very very interested in the trees around them. and yeah, okay. james isn't so self-centered and horrible that he doesn't recognize a lot of how he treated (sometimes still wishes he did treat) snape was a little horrid, but it gets downplayed by how horrid he is as a person, in his mind. but he knows, and he knows it bothers lily more than anything, and then it turns around and bothers him that she's still seeing him like that. he might not have changed drastically, but the fact she'd given him a chance made him think he'd changed enough. and now they're basically back to square one - or one and a half, at least. ]

Guess I just have to start over again.

[ she's quiet for a short while, watching her feet more than the path ahead or even the space around them. which isn't like her, but neither is being stuck on a spaceship talking to James Potter about the future either, so. maybe she's earned a bit of uncharacteristic behavior. it's sad, in a way, the thought of Potter having memories that she doesn't, when they're ( as far as she can tell ) happy ones, especially. ]

It matters. [ which she wanted to say much earlier, but she had to figure out what matters to her, first ] It's not so farfetched to think that I enjoyed going out with you, it was never entirely about- I don't hate you, you know that, right? I never did.

[ which is why she always reacted so harshly when he teased Severus, or anybody else. ]

Think about it. Switch places with me. Let's say there's this girl, who's popular and bright, gets high marks and plays Quidditch, the whole deal. She's charming, in a way, and she's even prone to having these great moments of chivalry, and bravery. She's a good person, you can tell, and there's even times you catch yourself thinking about her more than you think about most girls. [ this is getting harder and harder to set up, mostly because she's getting embarrassed to be ..talking about how she sees James, but using female pronouns. anyway. ] But she also makes a habit of picking on ..Remus. Singles him out. Calls him awful names, hexes him, jinxes him, and in front of the whole school, no less. And ( strictly for the sake of this hypothetical situation ) maybe yeah, Remus doesn't always make the best decisions. He spends time with people he shouldn't, an unsavory crowd maybe. But he's still Remus, right? Your best friend, the boy you grew up with, trust your life with. And this girl is going out of her way to torment him, nearly every day.

[ she swallows, looks over at James with a sad sort of expression, though it's mostly just in her eyes. this likely isn't going to make things any easier between them, but she feels like she needs to explain. ]

Then let's say that girl asks you out on a date. Which is flattering, sure, you know she could date anybody she wants to, and she's picked you. But could you say really yes? Despite the way she's treating your best friend.

You sure about that? Because you've definitely spent a majority of our school years trying to convince me of the opposite.

[ that's a tease, which Lily should be able to tell by the fact she can almost hear a slight smirk on the edge of that. even if neither of them are looking at each other. yet. we say yet because James does eventually turn to her when she starts on about hypothetical situation of their, well, situation. there's too much he can pick out of there, things to repeat to make her realize what she's saying when it comes to describing him, but he doesn't. mostly because he realizes she's being a little more serious about it, and mostly because he wants her to realize he's taking it just as seriously. ]

Is that how you see it? Really? [ it's an honest question on his part, because it's a little hard for him to be able to see Severus in that same light. even trying to imagine Remus being like him, in position alone... but he takes a breath, slides his hand through his hair, and makes an effort. ] Well, from your story alone - hypothetically speaking - I wouldn't give the girl the time of day.

[ and maybe it's said a little bluntly, but this is Remus they're hypothetically speaking about, and James has always been a little overly loyal to his friends. and protective, even, of Remus. ]

But then again, I'd have to take Remus' reaction into account. [ suddenly James realizes how difficult it is to speak in hypotheticals like this, because it's Remus and just the idea is difficult, but he tries. ] Because there's only so much I could do to stand up for him, if he went out of his way to...well. Instigate things with this girl. Called her daft, idiotic, followed her around with the intention of getting her in trouble - so this girl's response might be a little extreme, if I don't know about how Remus responds when I'm not around, but it's not unprovoked. Not entirely.

[ he opens his mouth to go on, to mention and then, of course, I might take into account just how close I am to Remus, how this girl would see it but he doesn't. doesn't want to get into his own jealousy over that, not in front of Lily. ]

So could I say yes? Yeah. Especially if it was just for a first date, because I like giving people a chance to prove themselves outside of what might be more complicated than I think it is. Beyond that it'd depend on the girl, and on Remus.

[ and maybe James doesn't know the full story behind Lily and Snape. maybe he's only heard rumors and made assumptions over the way they'd seemed to look at each other in the halls, during that second term. how Lily hadn't seemed to care at the fact Snape would glare at them, constantly, no matter where they were. something had happened, there, sure. but he hadn't asked Lily, no matter how curious he might have been. ]

[ Lily's usually pretty ..okay at keeping her emotions in check, she doesn't fly off the handle when she's upset, nothing so drastic. but she feels her face turn hot about halfway through his rebuttal, her pace slowing down until she's found herself kind of stuck in one place, a frown pulling at her mouth. it's just- it's Severus. she knows he can be snide, at times, he gets angry too quickly, holds grudges. but all she can think of is that very first day of their first year at Hogwarts, on the train. it's what it always comes back to. they hadn't even given him a chance. and, with that, she decided she wouldn't give the boys a chance either, despite being in the same house as them. it took her a long time to see past that, see beyond her loyalty to Severus. mostly because, by her 6th year, that loyalty had been broken and pushed beyond repair.

their time before then, though... it's hard letting go of that memory, still, even now. of the boy who told her she wasn't a freak, that she didn't have to be afraid of what she is, or what other people would think. the boy who explained the wizarding world to her before she even got her letter, knew what she had inside her was magic, not anything bad, or scary. the boy who sat with her in the library when she had already spent two more hours than she likely needed to, just to keep her company while she studied. who she broke down in front of more than a handful of times during her first couple years at school, when she was afraid she wasn't good enough, didn't really belong there.

which is why she looks so upset, despite the fact that this isn't about Severus, not really. the anger that flares up isn't entirely directed at James, but it takes her a second to realize how strongly the topic effects her, so first- ]

He only reacted that way because you left him no choice. The professors don't look at him the way they look at you. You're their- their golden boy, while he was left behind to pick himself back up after whatever humiliating thing you felt like putting him through that day. [ her hands are balled up into fists again, wand gripped tight in one ] You have no idea what it's like, being an outcast. The outcast, for a lot of unfair reasons, one of which being that he was my friend when nobody else would be. [ ... okay so really, only her first year she felt that way. turns out there are a lot of wizards that will drop their blood purity prejudices once they realize a muggleborn has the talent. but, that's not the point ] If you had any inkling of compassion under all that ego you would have seen that the best way, the easiest way to get me to actually see you as someone worth giving a chance, it would have been to just apologize to him. You had the power to make things right and you never did. Which- And- It's- No, it wasn't even about me, though, it shouldn't have ever been because of me. You should have just made amends all on your own, because it's the right thing to do. Instead you just kept pushing him and pushing him- Why couldn't you have just apologized?!

[ oh, she's- shouting, by that last question. which makes her shut up real fast, because she doesn't want to be yelling at him, like, at all. her hand even moves to cover her mouth, because she can't believe she just blurted that all out, that she's even being that blunt with him at all. if she could stupefy herself, she would. right now. that would be marvelous. unfortunately, she's just left standing there, embarrassed.

she knows perfectly well James Potter isn't to blame for Severus finding his way into the group of Slytherins that openly supported the Dark Lord. she knows it's not his fault. but for whatever reason, it's a lot easier to blame him for it than to admit that Sev made the decision on his own. he wasn't pushed, he just- wanted to ]

-- I'm sorry, i shouldn't have-

[ aaah, shaking her head now, blinking hard before looking down, taking a few steps back ]

[ James watches Lily shift, in their conversation. watches her drop the hypotheticals, instantly, and he almost wishes he could take it back. maybe, in another place, he would have reared back up at her. his voice might have gone up and he might have yelled back, because she's attacking him and how he dealt with this. it bothers him that she's still so attached to someone like severus snape, bothers him deep down in his core, but he can't really blame her for reacting like this.

if he wasn't so emotionally drained, already, he might have responded a little more extreme. but after a day of dealing with his death, his marriage to lily and then her death, the war and their future and everything that comes with it, he doesn't have it in him to be angry at anyone else. and Lily's just upset, because yeah maybe Snape was her friend at one point and yeah, okay. maybe James could have been a little more mature about it, but he was just a kid (still just a kid) and Snape was just as bad. and she's sitting there, expecting him to be the better man here? or expected him to be the better man? it makes him angry because it's not his fault Snape was a prick to everyone, professors included. it's not his fault. and it bothers him more so that she's still sticking up for that prat when he knows they're not friends anymore. he knows it. ]

How are you mad at me? And standing up for him? I'm not the one that called you- [ he can't even say it, not when she's standing right in front of him. when she's obviously torn up about all this. but Snape had called her that, he had, and James had seen it and it still infuriates him. how Lily could even stand to have been friends with someone like that, he doesn't know. doesn't understand.

James just stares at her while she finishes, because he'd tried to interject but couldn't even finish his comment, and then she's all but screaming at him. yelling, shouting, like it's still his fault, everything is his fault, and he wants to match her. he does. but he can't bring himself to react beyond setting his jaw, standing his ground and weathering through her outburst, staring at her. and when she finishes, gets embarrassed and tries to apologize, he has a hard time shifting back out of it again. ]

No, don't-- don't apologize if that's how you really feel. [ even when he doesn't know how to react to it, because there's not enough in him at this point to get angry. not over something that, in retrospect, seems so idiotic and insignificant as severus snape. but he figures Lil deserves something more than just his empty stare, so he shrugs, looks away from her. waits to she'll kill him if he tries to approach her. and maybe it's his pride - one of the few negative aspects of being a gryffindor - or maybe it's something else, that spurs him on to speak. but he does, keeping his eyes away from her. ] I didn't apologize, and won't apologize, to him because he doesn't deserve it. Doesn't deserve anything. Didn't deserve you.

[ that last part slips out, too fast for him to even think about holding it back, and he just closes his eyes and hopes that maybe - by some twist of fate - she might not comment on it. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

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random pranking headcanon wooooo

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