EVENT: SPACE PIRATES ▒ APRIL 20-21

[ataraxites]

CHARACTERS: Ensemble production!
LOCATION: Anywhere.
WARNINGS: Pirates, violence, etc.
SUMMARY: Brief encounters, finding ransacked/damaged areas, making your way to the oxygen gardens.
NOTES: Open to all!

The ship has been invaded by pirates. They're noisy on the network, but you haven't seen any, not in person. Though if you go far enough things start to make themselves apparent. Kitchens have been ransacked. Pieces of the walls are torn out, media libraries overturned. Maybe you should get your valuables together and find somewhere safe to hole up...

Comments

[testgasm]

Wheatley makes a half-skeptical, half-bemused face, the face of someone who's never even thought about cleaning his room, much less actually done it.

"Well, ah. I know where everything is, so I don't really--"

He trails off, realizing there's a more pressing question.

"Uh, portals. Quantum tunnels, you know."

Because that explains everything.

[foolproofed]

....

"Well shit, that explains----nothing at all!"

Surely that was the reply you were expecting.

"I'm half-assedly studying in electrical engineering, not in Quantum Leap here."

[testgasm]

He manages to look offended, furrowing his eyebrows and pulling his lips tight. It's another moment before his expression softens--he can't expect humans to understand his incredibly advanced science right away, and he hefts the portal device off his shoulder and into his arms, presenting it to Marty.

"See this? Aperture Science Handheld Portal device. I've got--I've got the one portal open in my room, right? So I just--"

And he pulls the trigger on the device, replacing the orange portal and instantly opening up the window to his room.

"--and there's the other door. Go in one end, come instantly out the other. Very simple."

[foolproofed]

"... So it's a gun that can transport you across solid matter."

This seems like shit straight out of a best-selling videogame.

"I guess it's a hell of a lot cool than getting some cardio workout and just walking into your room like a normal dude." ....... "If you shot someone with that, could you jump through their stomach and end up in the holodecks, or something random? Oooor is it a killswitch for anyone standing in front of it."

DOES IT WORK ON PEOPLE this is the most important question of all

[testgasm]

"It's...not a good idea to look directly into the operational end of the device," he says, shrugging as if that doesn't really mean much to him.

"Not to worry, though. Humans aren't very good portal conductors. And--and you can't put a portal on a moving surface." except for exactly one time in portal 2 and we still don't know why that is a thing

"S'why I could get rid of the one portal when I moved the metal sheet a little. If the surface moves, they don't stick."

[foolproofed]

"... Cool."

Not even just a bland 'cool', because it's really actually pretty cool.

"What if, like--you move the portal before you're done going through it? What then?"

[testgasm]

It takes Wheatley a moment to puzzle out what Marty means, but he raises both eyebrows in realization and then manages a slightly uncomfortable laugh.

"It'd just shove you out one side or the other."

Which is a relief, given the alternative he's picturing, and he's pretty sure something like that had happened during prototype testing.

"No--you won't be split in two, portals are perfectly safe."

Momentum, however, is very dangerous.

[foolproofed]

"I can't tell if that's a great thing, or a little disappointing." No, it's a good thing, but the image of someone stuck in a portal or dragging half a body around? Tooooo funny. "So why exactly are you so sold on these things, exactly? I mean, don't get me wrong, if I could I'd use that shit 24/7--but using it as a way to get in your room is a little much, isn't it?"

[testgasm]

"Well it's a good thing, isn't it? Much less messy, that way."

He grimaces, apparently picturing the specific type of mess something like that would make. Wheatley never did learn why you weren't supposed to look into the operational end of the device, after all.

"Lets me lock the room from the inside and not be stuck in it," Wheatley replies matter-of-factly, pulling back the metal sheeting of the wall just enough to get the portal to vanish. "I mean, I don't do it all the time, but, uh. Given the situation, I thought it might be...prudent."

1/2

[foolproofed]

"I don't think you have to worry too much about the pirates," he grumbles, leaning to inspect where the portal used to be, "One look at your room, they'll think their own fellas already plundered it."

And then he motions back behind him when he turns to face the fella.

"But hey--Portal pit falls? That'd be pretty swank. You ever get hostiles, you could shove a pirate into it like it's a swimming pool, have them pop right out into open space. Or something super morbid."

[foolproofed]

....

"I guess technically you'd have to make a portal on the outside of the ship, though."

[testgasm]

"No--"

His answer is immediate, and he looks as though Marty's just hit something of a button.

"No portals to space. Inadvisable. Everything just gets--gets sucked out there, it's messy. You're better off with one on the floor, one on the ceiling, and then moving the one on the floor after they've been falling for a while. Still messy, yeah, but less so. As far as property damage is--is concerned."

Marty definitely needs to know how to kill people with portals.

[foolproofed]

"All right, no space then. So we're killing people with gravity then--"

wait

He points thoughtfully and practically wrinkles his whole face at that.

"--You don't kill people with physics on a regular basis here, do you??"

[testgasm]

"What? No!"

Wheatley seems very appalled at the very thought, and clutches the device to his chest.

"Just...seen it happen, is all. Unpleasant."

[foolproofed]

"I'm just making sure! Just making sure. I'm a friend, totally harmless, please don't use physics to brutally kill me, is all." Not that he looks worried or he's inching away, he just—y'know. Likes to set the record straight on this sort of thing. Besides, you look like a possible villain. Glasses, ginger, vests and guns and killing people unawares. You just neeeever know. Like that Son of Sam guy, look at him.

[testgasm]

Real final boss material, this guy.

"Nobody--nobody's going to kill anyone, don't worry."

Unless the pirates showed up, maybe. "It's all fine. Everything's fine."

[foolproofed]

"Good to know."

Totally content, really. If you wanted to kill him, you'd have totally smashed him via portal by now, or something.

"Want some company? Unless you're wandering off into some danger zone. Then you're totally on your own regardless."