mieczyslaw＂stiles＂ stilinski. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ex_question191) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
ataraxionlogs2013-09-06 08:51 am
ex_question191) wrote in ataraxionlogs2013-09-06 08:51 am
Entry tags:
iron rods sewn inside our clothes to keep our glass bodies from breaking. closed.
CHARACTERS: stiles & scott.
LOCATION: their room! (014/009)
WARNINGS: nope.
SUMMARY: lydia set us up the bomb, shit goes down, bro-time, etc.
NOTES: backdated a day.
[ stiles is an angry little guy, sometimes. he reads lydia's text and writes a reply, deletes it before he can send it, tosses his comms away with a clatter so the temptation's gone. bounces on the bed, all ventless fury and agitation, heels drumming, lips pressed to white. ]
[ he has no idea what he's gonna do with this information. ]
[ there's no way scott can't tell he's pissed off about something. stiles takes a shaky breath and wonders where to begin, because it's his fault, he bought into this because lydia had sat close to him and touched his knee and made it sound like maybe, in some fantasy universe... whatever, whatever, he's over her, that's not even a thing. but he'd still believed her, and scott had believed him, and now they were— ]
[ stiles doesn't know what they are. if they're actually functional enough to be called pack. ]
Do you like being in Derek's pack?
[ he manages to ask, even though it probably seems like it comes out of nowhere. maybe he can say that he's fought with derek for like, the fifth time in the past month. or maybe lydia's texted scott, too (he's still so mad that it's a text message, but maybe it's good, too, cuts the wet-eyed duckfaced bullshit and just lets him hear her.) ]
LOCATION: their room! (014/009)
WARNINGS: nope.
SUMMARY: lydia set us up the bomb, shit goes down, bro-time, etc.
NOTES: backdated a day.
[ stiles is an angry little guy, sometimes. he reads lydia's text and writes a reply, deletes it before he can send it, tosses his comms away with a clatter so the temptation's gone. bounces on the bed, all ventless fury and agitation, heels drumming, lips pressed to white. ]
[ he has no idea what he's gonna do with this information. ]
[ there's no way scott can't tell he's pissed off about something. stiles takes a shaky breath and wonders where to begin, because it's his fault, he bought into this because lydia had sat close to him and touched his knee and made it sound like maybe, in some fantasy universe... whatever, whatever, he's over her, that's not even a thing. but he'd still believed her, and scott had believed him, and now they were— ]
[ stiles doesn't know what they are. if they're actually functional enough to be called pack. ]
Do you like being in Derek's pack?
[ he manages to ask, even though it probably seems like it comes out of nowhere. maybe he can say that he's fought with derek for like, the fifth time in the past month. or maybe lydia's texted scott, too (he's still so mad that it's a text message, but maybe it's good, too, cuts the wet-eyed duckfaced bullshit and just lets him hear her.) ]
no subject
which she has, obviously. scott knows it well before stiles speaks, so that means this has gone from giving lydia a chance to being a coward. scott's always been able to tell when stiles was on edge, but the bonus of werewolf senses makes it completely impossible to ignore. which means he's about to break the unbearable silence when stiles does; he's glad for that, somehow, but the question still catches him off-guard. ]
I guess? It's...
[ there's a pause while scott considers it, ostensibly; it's more the realization that he maybe, just slightly, is actually starting to understand what pack means. that catches him off-guard, too. ]
It doesn't really change things. Not for me, anyway, but the others... I think they're more willing to listen.
no subject
To you?
[ he's pretty sure the others have gotten better at listening to scott because scott so often turns out to be making the right decisions, even if he claims not to know what the heck he's doing a lot of the time. ]
no subject
Yeah.
[ a delay as he digests the thought, then: ]
Lydia talked to you, didn't she?
no subject
She texted me. Said she didn't wanna see my face.
[ but he can make the logical inference at how scott's guessed where this line of conversation, and stiles' agitation, is coming from. ]
She talk to you?
no subject
stiles is different. keeping it from stiles was lying to his best friend. it was information stiles had every right to know, but that was the same across the board; that was something scott could take responsibility for, and he could stand by the tactical choice to leave it in lydia's hands, even if it wasn't ideal.
the problem was that tactics were even a part of this. they shouldn't be, not with stiles, and now that everything's out he's not sure if he shouldn't have told stiles - just stiles - right away. he has reasoning for that, too; asking stiles to lie, to play pack and act like it was fine? he couldn't do that, either.
not that this is much better. ]
I talked to her. I knew something was off, but...
[ it'd been easy to be straightforward with derek, but somehow just outright saying he'd been lying for two weeks is something he can't manage now. ]
I'm sorry.
no subject
It's cool.
[ he sighs, even though it's not cool. ]
It's not even the lie. I get why she lied. It sucks that I've been beating myself up for a lie, but whatever.
[ he struggles to put it into words, exactly why he feels so punchy about this, why it hurts him. ]
But it's like, the way she did it.
[ he doesn't want to say the words "she lead me on" aloud, because guys aren't meant to say shit like that, right? not unless they're jerks. but he feels played, like lydia's known how he felt this whole time and found it funny, used it to get what she wanted, acted like maybe they had a chance — but it's not like he can even pretend to himself that she talked bullshit about them being close because she wanted a chance with him. she'd had all the chances in the world. it was just spin. ]
no subject
he shifts to sit on the edge of his bed, expressing more of an open interest in what's being said. he'd been interested before, of course, but there'd been subtle signs that his guard was up - not quite facing stiles, posture too deliberately casual to be anything close to it. that's all dropped in a heartbeat.
stiles doesn't want to say it and he doesn't really have to. scott almost called lydia on it when he first got here, saw the way stiles was hoping for something scott was almost positive wasn't on the horizon. not his fault, but still - he should've said something. maybe if he'd acted on that urge, this would've been dealt with way sooner. ]
I know. [ lydia was wrong to use that against stiles, and it was her choice to do it - lying was slightly out of her hands, but stooping to that level? that was on her. but that just makes it sound harsher, like an unnecessary cruelty, and scott hesitates. ] She was scared, but that doesn't make it okay.
no subject
I feel like shit.
[ he admits, kinda baldly. that's probably obvious. but it's not just anger, he's pretty used to anger about — everything. he just feels like a loser right now, like the fact of the lie has come along with the big old rejection he's spent so long trying to avoid. for all the times stiles has hinted around stuff with lydia, he's never found the balls to ask her out, too certain she'd just laugh at him. ]
I've gotta get over this girl, Scott.
[ he breathes it, helpless and kinda laughing at himself. ]
You know what I mean.
[ because, allison. even though that was totally different because allison was pretty perfect. for scott, anyway. apparently "nice" and "empathic" don't do it for stiles. instead he likes — lydia. but liking lydia is a comfort thing, in some ways. it's gawping at her in the playground and knocking out his two front teeth trying to get her attention on the equipment. it's middle school science experiments and finding the only person in the class who got what they were doing was his angel. she was his first wet dream, she was the girl he told his dad he was gonna marry, she set the mold for every celebrity crush he's ever used to assuage a little lonliness, thank you scarlett johansson, and she just — she was childhood innocence, from a time before his mom died, in a way even scott wasn't. but maybe it's time to grow up. ]
wow how dare you i didn't sign up for this
[ because yeah, scott gets it; allison's different in most of the big ways, but there's a common thread in it: allison's something else, something good, some kind of reminder of normalcy that scott thought he had a chance at. even after he'd found out about her family, found out she was right in the middle of all of it - it didn't change anything. she made him feel normal. and when he was unquestionably not normal, she made him feel like somehow that was fine, too.
he didn't have that anymore, and there wasn't any grudge for it. you can't hold a grudge against someone for being more than an idea, for having their own needs and wants. but it's the reason he understands without stiles having to elaborate, and it's the reason scott offers him a small, sympathetic smile. ]
You will.
[ it's not strictly true. scott doesn't think he'll ever get over allison, but he knows he'll live. maybe that's as good as it gets for the both of them, but at least they'll have company. ]
Maybe this is a good thing. I mean it's not good— it's really, really awful. But sometimes you need a reason to let go.
[ allison had one. it seemed to work out pretty well for her. ]
are you sure because i see your name on the sign-up sheet
[ stiles nods as best he can from this angle, lips pressing together for a moment, determined. ]
Yeah, you're totally right. I'm gonna give myself 'til the jump. To just. Mope about it.
[ get really drunk with remus, fight about pack with derek, go on a weird date-thing with cassie, eat a lot of snacks — like, a lot of snacks, thank god for handcuffs. ]
Then it's — brand new Stiles. Moving right on.
[ ha ha ha. ]
i almost tagged you w/josh's account awk
Stiles 2.0.
[ which is to say: not an entirely brand new stiles. scott's fine with you staying just the way you are, buddy. it's said with a grin, and even if there's a somber note beneath it, it's surprisingly genuine.
but speaking of moving on - that enthusiasm drains slightly, and the hesitation's back. not with stiles, though; he trusts him. it's more the situation as a whole that's got him uncertain. ]
I think I might have messed up.
no subject
[ stiles' eyebrows twitch upwards, because he knows scott doesn't mess up as often as he thinks he does, especially not anymore, but he doesn't think praising scott's perfection is the right response here, or an honest one. he needs more details. ]
Messed up how?
[ he tips his head. scott had just listened to his woes, he's willing to be reciprocal. ]
no subject
I lied.
[ a pause to sort out the words, and when he continues it's in the tone of a completely honest, completely guilty confession. ]
I asked her what was going on two weeks ago and she told me. I thought it would be better if she told everyone the truth herself, but...
[ it's kind of made a mess. with derek, with the rest of the "pack". he hadn't really banked on taking the fall for the lie when he decided to make lydia correct it herself, but he doesn't strictly regret it. ]
no subject
[ he has to swallow around nothing, swallow back something mean. ]
Wow. Uh.
[ he grimaces. but i lied is wrong, he thinks. it wasn't scott's lie. he'd kept lydia's secret. stiles would have too, stiles keeps secrets — just not from scott. ]
[ still. it's a sick hurt that reminds him of scott chained to the radiator, shouting how lydia had kissed him. a double-whammy of betrayal. he drums his fingers, agitated and not sure what to do or say. ]
Holy god. Two weeks.
no subject
it'd been easy to stay steady and stand by his decision with everyone else. or if not easy, then easier to approach like he approached most things that scared him - put his head down and bear it. but this is stiles, and there's no defense against the fact that he's hurt his best friend. ]
I know.
[ it sounds more like i'm an idiot than an agreement - or maybe that is the agreement. he's got reasons (excuses), not wanting to drag stiles into the lie, hoping that somehow lydia would make it sting less. but they don't make up for the mistake, not really. ]
I didn't think— [ she'd wait so long? of course she would. he might, too. ] I should have told you.
no subject
[ it's sharp. stiles is already hurt right now, it's not easy for him to just let this go. a moment ago it had been him and scott against lydia, sort of. not really, but enough to be comforting. now it's suddenly not. ]
[ and stiles can hold grudges like nobody's business — this is the kind of thing he needs to get even on or he's going to wind up nursing it into eternity. ]
I'm gonna sleep.
[ because he can't deal with this right now. later, later there'll be other reminders of friendship, remus' steady advice, wichita's sympathetic ear. and then the jump and it won't matter anymore. but right now he's pillow-punchingly mad again, just like when he first read lydia's text, and he hauls the blankets around him and rolls onto his other side. ]
lmao this tag gives me flashbacks to awkard university housing HOSTILE SLEEPING
besides, this is fair. stiles deserves the chance to feel (rightly) pissed off, and scott deserves to deal with being shut out until stiles decides it's time to let him back in.
but that's the other difference; with the others, with isaac, that resolution doesn't feel guaranteed. knowing that they'll be okay eventually doesn't make this any less shitty, but it's an anchor that makes it easier to let it play out. he doesn't move for a few seconds after stiles turns his back to him, then there's a slight shifting of blankets as he settles in to sleep. or try to sleep, anyway. ]