[ stiles rests his ear against the pillow, looks over at scott. ]
I feel like shit.
[ he admits, kinda baldly. that's probably obvious. but it's not just anger, he's pretty used to anger about — everything. he just feels like a loser right now, like the fact of the lie has come along with the big old rejection he's spent so long trying to avoid. for all the times stiles has hinted around stuff with lydia, he's never found the balls to ask her out, too certain she'd just laugh at him. ]
I've gotta get over this girl, Scott.
[ he breathes it, helpless and kinda laughing at himself. ]
You know what I mean.
[ because, allison. even though that was totally different because allison was pretty perfect. for scott, anyway. apparently "nice" and "empathic" don't do it for stiles. instead he likes — lydia. but liking lydia is a comfort thing, in some ways. it's gawping at her in the playground and knocking out his two front teeth trying to get her attention on the equipment. it's middle school science experiments and finding the only person in the class who got what they were doing was his angel. she was his first wet dream, she was the girl he told his dad he was gonna marry, she set the mold for every celebrity crush he's ever used to assuage a little lonliness, thank you scarlett johansson, and she just — she was childhood innocence, from a time before his mom died, in a way even scott wasn't. but maybe it's time to grow up. ]
no subject
I feel like shit.
[ he admits, kinda baldly. that's probably obvious. but it's not just anger, he's pretty used to anger about — everything. he just feels like a loser right now, like the fact of the lie has come along with the big old rejection he's spent so long trying to avoid. for all the times stiles has hinted around stuff with lydia, he's never found the balls to ask her out, too certain she'd just laugh at him. ]
I've gotta get over this girl, Scott.
[ he breathes it, helpless and kinda laughing at himself. ]
You know what I mean.
[ because, allison. even though that was totally different because allison was pretty perfect. for scott, anyway. apparently "nice" and "empathic" don't do it for stiles. instead he likes — lydia. but liking lydia is a comfort thing, in some ways. it's gawping at her in the playground and knocking out his two front teeth trying to get her attention on the equipment. it's middle school science experiments and finding the only person in the class who got what they were doing was his angel. she was his first wet dream, she was the girl he told his dad he was gonna marry, she set the mold for every celebrity crush he's ever used to assuage a little lonliness, thank you scarlett johansson, and she just — she was childhood innocence, from a time before his mom died, in a way even scott wasn't. but maybe it's time to grow up. ]