AM (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
godofthemachine) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
ataraxionlogs2013-09-21 07:17 pm
godofthemachine) wrote in ataraxionlogs2013-09-21 07:17 pm
Entry tags:
Isn't it bliss, don't you approve?
CHARACTERS: AM and Soysauce
LOCATION: AM's room - 004 > 009
WARNINGS: Possible mild violence??? Will update if needed.
SUMMARY: What happens when you take a sadistic psychopath and deprive him of the ability to sleep? Sunshine and rainbows, obviously. Or whatever the opposite of that is.
This ship was messing with him. Had the tables finally been turned and AM had been brought into his own ironic hell, to suffer by the hand of a supercomputer-controlled spaceship? Surely the thing must be sentient, must be watching him, punishing him for having any sort of desire to be in this body he inhabited. It seemed like every time AM got comfortable with this human form, began enjoying all of the delights and sensations it offered, such a thing was exploited and turned on him. It was always this damned ship, it seemed.
Last month AM had been having marvelous dreams every night - something to cling to when he had been lost in the ship, when he had been stuck on the Cyllene. For in his dreams, it seemed like everything had gone right. Many of the things he desired and more were lived out there, and he actually wished he could simply just escape to that land of dreams. Simply live there forever, all of his desires played out before him.
It was a cruel thing, then, that after awakening from the last jump, those dreams never came again. In fact, not a single dream came. Sleep didn't come at all. That first night AM had gone to his room, prepared to sleep as he had grown accustomed to, but instead he lay awake all night, frustratedly waiting for sleep to overtake him. And the next night was the same. And the next...
It wasn't as if AM wasn't accustomed to not sleeping. After all, he was for the most part awake on Earth after that one fateful day, never again retreating back into the oblivion of nonexistence. Sleep had taken some getting used to, but he knew he needed it, how vital it was for the human form. And now that he couldn't have it, he certainly suffered for it. AM certainly tried to stay alert with caffeine, finding himself overly jittery when he consumed great amounts of it. But his reaction times were slower, and he was much quicker to anger. His times in the science lab were mostly marked with horrible frustration, careless math errors that he should have caught, would have caught if he had been in better spirits. There was a time when he simply broke several vials and pieces of equipment out of absolute anger, his grasp on his sanity simply breaking under these conditions.
Today had been one of those days. He tried to work, but got nothing useful accomplished. In fact, he cut his hand on a broken flask, had to bandage it up before it bled everywhere. That was a good time to return to his room, he had figured, but it wasn't like he could take a nap. No, he was still awake, still frustrated, but utterly exhausted. He was trying to stay active, vent out his increasing anger by kicking the wall, ripping apart the disposable items he owned... His room was a mess as a result, like the room of a tortured artist or simply a madman. Appearance somewhat disheveled - messy hair in a loose braid, the top part of his jumpsuit half open, no shoes... And it seemed he didn't realize that in the midst of his venting, he re-opened the wound on his hand, coloring the bandage red.
LOCATION: AM's room - 004 > 009
WARNINGS: Possible mild violence??? Will update if needed.
SUMMARY: What happens when you take a sadistic psychopath and deprive him of the ability to sleep? Sunshine and rainbows, obviously. Or whatever the opposite of that is.
This ship was messing with him. Had the tables finally been turned and AM had been brought into his own ironic hell, to suffer by the hand of a supercomputer-controlled spaceship? Surely the thing must be sentient, must be watching him, punishing him for having any sort of desire to be in this body he inhabited. It seemed like every time AM got comfortable with this human form, began enjoying all of the delights and sensations it offered, such a thing was exploited and turned on him. It was always this damned ship, it seemed.
Last month AM had been having marvelous dreams every night - something to cling to when he had been lost in the ship, when he had been stuck on the Cyllene. For in his dreams, it seemed like everything had gone right. Many of the things he desired and more were lived out there, and he actually wished he could simply just escape to that land of dreams. Simply live there forever, all of his desires played out before him.
It was a cruel thing, then, that after awakening from the last jump, those dreams never came again. In fact, not a single dream came. Sleep didn't come at all. That first night AM had gone to his room, prepared to sleep as he had grown accustomed to, but instead he lay awake all night, frustratedly waiting for sleep to overtake him. And the next night was the same. And the next...
It wasn't as if AM wasn't accustomed to not sleeping. After all, he was for the most part awake on Earth after that one fateful day, never again retreating back into the oblivion of nonexistence. Sleep had taken some getting used to, but he knew he needed it, how vital it was for the human form. And now that he couldn't have it, he certainly suffered for it. AM certainly tried to stay alert with caffeine, finding himself overly jittery when he consumed great amounts of it. But his reaction times were slower, and he was much quicker to anger. His times in the science lab were mostly marked with horrible frustration, careless math errors that he should have caught, would have caught if he had been in better spirits. There was a time when he simply broke several vials and pieces of equipment out of absolute anger, his grasp on his sanity simply breaking under these conditions.
Today had been one of those days. He tried to work, but got nothing useful accomplished. In fact, he cut his hand on a broken flask, had to bandage it up before it bled everywhere. That was a good time to return to his room, he had figured, but it wasn't like he could take a nap. No, he was still awake, still frustrated, but utterly exhausted. He was trying to stay active, vent out his increasing anger by kicking the wall, ripping apart the disposable items he owned... His room was a mess as a result, like the room of a tortured artist or simply a madman. Appearance somewhat disheveled - messy hair in a loose braid, the top part of his jumpsuit half open, no shoes... And it seemed he didn't realize that in the midst of his venting, he re-opened the wound on his hand, coloring the bandage red.
no subject
AM wasn't surprised when Soysauce gave some sappy drivel as an answer - that's most of what came out of his mouth anyway. Why did AM spend so much time with that poor fool then when he was so incredibly annoying? It was hard to remember why at this moment. Hard to remember why his hands simply weren't around Soy's neck, strangling the life out of him.
As he leaned on his table, there were papers that crinkled as his hands balled into fists, one page of notes being completely crumbled with the force. He still didn't dare turn around to face his visitor, out of the knowledge that he was so close to simply snapping.
"Terrible..." He muttered that response, nails scratching deep into his papers as he clenched and unclenched his hands. "This body is terrible... I hate humans. Hate. Hate." As he spoke, the last uttering of the word "hate" was growled with a marked ferocity, quite a bit louder than his initial muttering. If one were to see AM's face as his back was turned, it would show almost a psychotic craze - sweat dripping from his temples, eyes wide, teeth clenched with heavy breathing. God, he wanted out of this nightmare. Somehow. Wanted to take his anger out on something, someone.
no subject
"... you -- eh?" Soysauce was certain he must have misheard AM, at first. Because AM had said -- he hated humans? That was ... odd. After all, AM had been recreated as a human here, had managed to integrate himself into the ship's society this long. It wouldn't make sense for someone who hated humans to tolerate such a situation for so long, would it?
"You -- hate humans." Soysauce dumbly parroted those words, still trying to come to some sort of understanding about what exactly AM was trying to get across. Perhaps the exhaustion was getting to him? It wasn't a trivial amount of blood staining those bandages, either.
There was a heavy pause before Soysauce stepped forward, his movements somewhat timid and uneasy. "Um, Mister AM? Perhaps you should visit the medbay? You don't seem very well ..." His words trailed off nervously before Soysauce gently touch his hand to AM's shoulder, trying to distract him from the subject on hand. "You do seem to have lost a fair amount of blood, and you must be exhausted. At least seeing about that injury seems like a good idea?" He was obviously avoiding answering AM's muttered statements about hating humans, shying away from confrontation as he usually did.
no subject
He should have said something. Should have made an excuse about how tired he was, about how he wasn't thinking straight. But as soon as he felt Soysauce approach and touch him, all of that resolve disappeared.
AM tightened up immediately upon the contact, all of the hair on his neck standing on end. It was instinctive, mostly, when he simply flung an arm out to shove Soysauce away, hissing, "Don't touch me!" Barely even thinking about it - he just wanted to be left alone, didn't want the physical contact, didn't want this wretched human around him unless he was being tortured.