Luke Skywalker (
last_ofthe_jedi) wrote in
ataraxionlogs2014-09-16 02:22 pm
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CHARACTERS: Luke Skywalker and Biggs Darklighter
LOCATION: Their room, then one of the holodecks
WARNINGS: Shmoopiness, awkwardness, more cute than you can shake a stick at, dumb boys being dumb, shenanigans; EDIT: Things are becoming a bit intimate, though if it comes to it we'll do a fade-to-black.
SUMMARY: Now that they're mostly recovered from the asshole nanites Luke and Biggs have some things to talk aboutlike how much they want to rip each others' clothes off and decide the holodecks are a good place to talk. Yes, talk.
NOTES: Stalk at will but I release myself of all responsibility for dental bills.
Aside from some residual weakness left over from having lost so much weight Luke's feeling back to his old self, though he's been eating like a bantha since the last jump. Biggs, on the other hand... well, Luke's kept a close watch on him. They said there'd be pain while his body was mending itself. Luke hopes his concern hasn't been annoying but he's found it difficult to keep from checking up on him every five minutes.
On top of that Luke's held a certain shyness around Biggs ever since they confessed their feelings to each other. He's never felt like this around him before. He's afraid to get too close for fear of going about things the wrong way, whatever that might be. Part of him still doubts what Biggs said.
He's been careful to allow Biggs plenty of time to recover but his uncertainty might be starting to show. He's growing restless and anxious and even a bit impatient. He's sitting on his bed across the room from Biggs after another shift in the gunnery. After a minute of mulling over a daring thought or two Luke decides that it's time for initiative.
"We need a break."
LOCATION: Their room, then one of the holodecks
WARNINGS: Shmoopiness, awkwardness, more cute than you can shake a stick at, dumb boys being dumb, shenanigans; EDIT: Things are becoming a bit intimate, though if it comes to it we'll do a fade-to-black.
SUMMARY: Now that they're mostly recovered from the asshole nanites Luke and Biggs have some things to talk about
NOTES: Stalk at will but I release myself of all responsibility for dental bills.
Aside from some residual weakness left over from having lost so much weight Luke's feeling back to his old self, though he's been eating like a bantha since the last jump. Biggs, on the other hand... well, Luke's kept a close watch on him. They said there'd be pain while his body was mending itself. Luke hopes his concern hasn't been annoying but he's found it difficult to keep from checking up on him every five minutes.
On top of that Luke's held a certain shyness around Biggs ever since they confessed their feelings to each other. He's never felt like this around him before. He's afraid to get too close for fear of going about things the wrong way, whatever that might be. Part of him still doubts what Biggs said.
He's been careful to allow Biggs plenty of time to recover but his uncertainty might be starting to show. He's growing restless and anxious and even a bit impatient. He's sitting on his bed across the room from Biggs after another shift in the gunnery. After a minute of mulling over a daring thought or two Luke decides that it's time for initiative.
"We need a break."
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He'll take any excuse at all to leave the room. Sore as he is, he perks up almost immediately at Luke's suggestion, on his feet as quickly as he can manage. It was about time Luke had taken some initiative; Biggs was disappointed to find Luke's confidence in himself had died down again after the cure had been found. Why Luke second guessed himself when Biggs repeatedly vouched for him was something his friend could not grasp. When the two of them confessed, Biggs had insisted that he'd told the complete truth. All Luke had left was to convince himself. Biggs thought he'd given him enough time to do it.
They needed to have a talk, indeed, and a change of scenery would do them well. "Yeah, I'm ready for that." It seemed as though Luke had an idea, and Biggs was all ears. "What were you thinking?" Biggs had been aboard for months, but Luke was still more familiar with the ship than he was.
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"I think I know exactly the place. I've never tried them out but I've always wanted to and I think they're just what we need." A change of scenery, sure, and a peaceful, relaxing place where he and Biggs can talk about things. More specifically, he hopes to pick up where they left off back in the medbay. It's a nerve-wracking thought but an exciting one too.
"Come on! I'll show you." With his own sudden oversupply of eagerness and fervor Luke leads the way out of the room and down towards the end of the first level's hall near the common area and rec room.
In his excitement Luke almost forgets to wait for Biggs and make sure he can keep up but they eventually make it to the holodecks, a short hallway off the main one with several large doors and a programming console just outside each one. Luke turns around to Biggs and grins broadly.
"The holodecks! Might be a nice break from grey ship bulkheads, huh?"
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He grins in response and nods eagerly. They couldn't leave the ship, but they could still see all kinds of sights with a beauty like this. The look on his face makes it clear he's excited to see how it works. "Perfect! You should have suggested it, sooner!" As if he had been healthy enough to do something like this any earlier. He watches Luke with a smile bordering on a smirk, encouraging him to program something into the console and impress him. It was his idea, after all, and he's looking forward to what he had planned. "Go ahead." This is the opportunity they had both been waiting for.
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The reason why he hadn't brought up the holodecks until now is because they have the reputation around the ship of being the spot where couples go to be alone. He'd certainly wanted to take Biggs inside one of these things but this is the first time he's had the courage to even suggest it. People even joke about watching out for weird stains on the floors and walls. Biggs probably hadn't heard any of these jokes yet having only been on the ship for a couple months but Luke wasn't going to risk it.
He'll make sure to let Biggs in on those jokes later. That'll surely get a good laugh out of him.
For now of course he uses another excuse. "Well, we've been a little... busy." Cripplingly ill and trying not to die is more like it. He touches one console and a stupidly user-friendly menu pops up. Sometime later he'll have to figure out how to wrangle one of these things to let him program a custom scene but for now he's happy to stick with one that's already in the databanks.
All he wants is some nice scenery, maybe a field, the warmth of a sun, wind, trees, all the things that are in short supply on a spaceship. A quick scroll through the selections and he's already found exactly what he was looking for. He selects the scene and soon the holodeck is initiating, flashing lights as the door opens for them. "There we go."
In a brief flash of excitement and daring Luke reaches up to clasp the hand on his shoulder and brings it down to his side, grinning brightly at Biggs before leading him inside.
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Biggs meets Luke's grin with his own and assertively tightens his grip on his hand. He was already exactly where he wanted to be and whatever lied behind that door was just a hard-earned bonus.
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There are sprawling green acres as far as the eye can see, mist-covered mountains, and they're surrounded by a forest on all sides. Above them the sky is full of clouds but the sunlight peeks through and sends warm rays sparkling across the dewy grass. The air begins to feel cool and fresh and it's easy to forget that it's being generated artificially. Rain looks like it's threatening to fall at any moment.
It's one of the most breathtaking sights Luke's ever seen. The jungle on Yavin IV was beautiful but after being trapped inside a spaceship for almost a year this feels like paradise.
He holds tightly to Biggs' hand and steps in even closer as he watches the clouds slowly roll over themselves in the sky. Quietly and full of awe he finally speaks. "This'll do."
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"Luke..." There is wonder in his eyes. He had looked that way many times before, when Luke had done something to exceed his lofty expectations. He nods firmly; yes, this would do, indeed. Biggs is the first to take a step forward, still holding on to Luke, wondering how far the illusion might take him. As it was, it seemed as though they could continue on for miles.
For one long moment, the two of them is all that there is to his universe.
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Luke's heart is racing again as he tries to decide what to do now that they're here. He steps forward alongside Biggs and he has a million ideas in his head but when he looks at Biggs they all suddenly seem to slip away. What does Biggs want? Where should Luke start? How should he go about things? Frankly he has no idea because never in a million years did he ever think this would happen in the first place. It's not exactly something he planned for.
Several times he takes in a deep breath, pauses, and then lets it out, as if preparing to say something and then changing his mind. He's tense and looking every which way, occasionally at Biggs and then losing his nerve and staring at his feet instead.
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He moves to destroy any suspicions of that at once. Biggs steps in front of Luke and faces him, inviting eye contact, squeezing Luke's hand in his to further attract his attention. He'd better build up the nerve to talk to him, because Biggs wasn't backing down, now. "What's the matter?" He's smiling gently, though his tone is somewhat firm. "Luke. I love you. I want to be with you and I know you want that, too." It's true he hasn't made it easy, himself, for the two of them to adjust to their new relationship - his recovery was slow, and Biggs had found it hard to gather the energy. He still needs to gauge how fast or slow Luke wants to move, something that hadn't found the right time or place to do until now. "If there's something on your mind, tell me. Right now."
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How?! How does Biggs know that? Luke spent five years telling himself not to assume things but maybe that's his problem. Maybe he's stopping himself from jumping to conclusions that are perfectly reasonable to jump to. Because Biggs is absolutely right. That's exactly what Luke wants. The problem is that Luke hadn't been sure that Biggs wanted that too and he was afraid to ask. He's almost frustrated that Biggs seems to be finding this so simple and straight-forward.
At Biggs' insistence Luke feels pressured to say something but his mind is still in a daze. He opens his mouth but then shrugs and laughs at himself. "Biggs, I--... there's everything on my mind. I don't know where to start." He shakes his head slowly and then lowers his gaze, searching for a way to explain.
He lets out a breath before looking back up at Biggs again. "I don't think you understand. I spent years hoping this would happen and it went on for so long that I eventually convinced myself that it never would. You never showed any signs of-- and then you left for the academy... I learned to forget about it and never think that way again. I gave up. It was a fantasy, it was some dumb notion I used to have. And now?" He shrugs. "Well supposedly it's all real, I just can't seem to wrap my head around it."
Then his tone changes to one a bit louder and more sarcastic as he tilts his head to the side. "Do you have any idea the things I used to daydream about?"
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"Luke... Truth is, it took me a lot longer to see it than you." Biggs sighs in frustration; he'd made a reputation of knowing himself, his strengths and his weaknesses, well - it was unusual to be caught so off guard. He'd been with women before, he'd even dated Dantels just before his death. But all of that was just romantic interest, not love: love was something he'd felt for Kandji only to have it ripped from under him. When he'd felt it again, perhaps he'd unwittingly kept it under guard, slow to be stung twice on their fatal planet. For the first time in his life, he hadn't seen something that had been in front of him from the start.
He'll get to that. He's noticed Luke might have some misconceptions about his enrollment in the Academy. Biggs is quick to set that straight: "When we were on Tatooine, we had other things to focus on. I waited for you to come with me, Luke. I did. And I left without you because, more than I wanted you with me, I wanted you to succeed." He makes it sound like they were terribly occupied, the years they'd spent chasing their dreams. As cold as it may sound, it speaks volumes for how important Luke is to him that he would have suppressed something he'd truly wanted if it meant Luke had come to do great things. "Then I joined the Rebellion and there wasn't time for anything else. Here, I could think. When we got lost in the ship, Luke... when I believed Kandji had come back the way I did... I realized that how I'd felt about her and what I felt for you had never been any different." He breaks eye contact a moment to smile grimly, angry with himself. He's always spoken directly, and here is no exception. "Well, it was a bit different - if it came down to it, I would have chosen you. So, there you go." Luke had said that Biggs was the most important person in his life. That feeling was mutual.
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To hear Biggs admit that Luke would have been his choice no matter what... that's the part that pulls tightly at the corners of his mouth and makes him duck his head shyly, even though his brows are still knit with the stress of hearing the truth.
Despite the fact that they both share idealistic tendencies Biggs has always been better at stepping aside from his own needs and looking at the reality of the matter. It frustrates Luke because it often results in less-than-optimal results when their wants and dreams are at stake. Biggs is usually right in the end but not always, and it does nothing to quell Luke's frustration.
Finally he can return Biggs' gaze again and he slowly shakes his head at him. "You caused me a lot of grief over the years, you know." He hadn't exactly been looking for an explanation from Biggs, he was merely trying to explain himself, why he's been so slow on the uptake. But while they were on the subject...
"I should be mad. But I just... I just can't seem to be mad right now." In fact, he's still grinning pretty broadly. Gradually, subconsciously, he's been inching forward and his hands and still clasped in Biggs'.
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Perhaps Luke hadn't asked for clarification, but he could not stand to have things unclear between them - it would save them a lot of awkward silences and confusion in the last days of his recovery. "Good," he answers softly, bridging the distance between them with a half-step. His grip on Luke's hands tightens for an instant, and his expression turns daring. Once again, he's prepared to go after what they both need right now. "I hope this will make up for it."
Then Biggs is leaning forward, close enough to rest his forehead against Luke's. He pauses, staring into Luke's eyes to ensure he does not catch him by surprise- that Luke is giving him his full attention - and then presses his lips firmly against his. It is a kiss weeks - years- too late, and Biggs slips his hands out from Luke's to pull him closer. He is gentle to start, to make their first kiss soft and meaningful. There would be a time for hungrier kisses soon enough.
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His eyes widen momentarily as he watches Biggs' face, so very close to his, closer than he's ever been before. It's been ages since Luke's kissed anyone, does he even remember how? What if he's terrible? What if it's not perfect? Then in no time at all their lips meet and Luke closes his eyes and he just stops thinking.
Everything in him is reeling and for a moment Luke can't formulate a single thought. All he's aware of is warm lips, familiar scents, a body so close that he knows so well but now he gets to know it all over again in a new way. Belatedly Luke realizes that his hands forgot what they were doing right around the moment Biggs started kissing him. Luke's been pulled close, right up against him, and his hands tentatively find Biggs' sides only to slide up his chest and around his neck.
Biggs feels far better, his lips, his body, his hands, all of him, than Luke had ever been able to imagine throughout all of those years of daydreams and fantasies. The real thing was always going to be better but Luke's surprised at just how much. The sensation is indescribable, not just skin against skin, some warmth and wetness, but the thrill Luke feels, the way everything else has disappeared and all he knows right at this moment is Biggs and his mouth, his arms around Luke. Nothing else exists.
It's different than anything Luke's experienced, much different from kissing a girl. Biggs is taller and broader and stronger, and Luke can feel his mustache. He'd been worried that he wouldn't like it, the differences, but very much the opposite has happened. They're exciting and new and downright thrilling and now looking back Luke's wondering what he was ever worried about. Biggs just feels so good in every way.
In his excitement Luke presses into Biggs, opening his mouth a little but still slowly, just enough to let Biggs know that he likes this, all of it, and it needs to keep happening. Repeatedly. And often. There's definitely a part of him that wants to speed right past the slow and steady as Luke's never been one for patience, but he's also been waiting for this moment for a very long time and more than anything he wants to savor it.
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His hands around Luke's back, Biggs can see the tips of his own fingers, how they still had the faintest hint of black to them as though they had been singed at the ends. Luke had held his mutated hands through his entire illness without disgust. It was a fact that without Luke's contribution, he would never have recovered to begin with, and his gratitude towards his lover has no beginning or end. "I love you," he reminds him, running his hands across Luke's back, speaking softly into his ear.
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He presses his tongue back in response, following Biggs' lead. Luke is inexperienced but he learns very quickly. The sensation of tongues sliding wetly sends such an intense heat down to the pit of Luke's belly that it almost feels like he's standing in flames. He's left breathless and he has to pant through his nose, trying to stave off the dizziness. His body presses into Biggs and his fingers slide up the back of his neck and into his hair, trying to feel all of him at once.
When they part Luke's eyes don't open right away, but slowly and dazedly. His jaw is left hanging and he draws his breaths in quickly and deeply. Wanting more is a bit of an understatement. Luke's eyes are dark with need and when Biggs grins at him it takes a bit for his brain to catch up and give a slow, hot-blooded smile in return.
He's pulled close again and he tightens his arms in response, closing his eyes and leaning his head against Biggs'. The rush inside him is keeping his heart pounding and his breathing fast but when he hears Biggs' words everything seems to stop. There are a million things he wants to say and do, to tell Biggs just what he means to him. In the end, though, Luke relaxes because he now knows that he'll have the time for all of it. He turns his head in against Biggs' neck.
"Oh Biggs... I love you."
fast-forward;
Somehow, eventually, they made it onto the floor though things have quieted since their rather heated makeout session, throughout which Luke could barely control himself. There's no furniture or other surfaces in the whole room so it was probably inevitable they'd end up here.
Luke didn't want to push Biggs too hard before he'd had a chance to recover completely from the nanite illness so he'd had to reign himself in before things went too far. That was... difficult to say the least. He wants all of Biggs, everywhere, right this moment. For now though he'll have to content himself with cuddling on the floor, not that he can really complain about that. The quiet moments really are something to savor just as much as the rowdy.
He's pressed in against Biggs' side, arms around him with his fingers behind his ear playing with his hair, and one leg draped over his. "Next time we'll have to bring a cot in here or something. Maybe even spend the night."
Luke was already grinning but after a moment of thought he suddenly snorts with laughter. "Oh no..."
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He wonders how long this will last, if the hologram would take them through a whole day-night cycle if they stayed here at Luke's suggestion, sometime. A grin spreads on Biggs' face: if they had the authority to stay in the rooms for as long as they wanted, that would make for a wonderful night. He's about to agree they try it sometime before Luke begins to laugh. Biggs turns his neck to catch a glimpse of his love's face and finds himself insatiably curious.
He knows that expression, it's the look he would make when he'd recalled a particularly great memory of theirs (and there were many). "What? What did you remember?" He could already tell Luke was winding up for a story, and he wanted to share in the experience again.
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He groans and presses his forehead against Biggs' shoulder for a moment and then laughs again, possibly even redder as he remembers more of the incident. "Alright, you remember that very first night we spent out in the lookout loft on your dad's property? I think it was the same day I beat Fixer down the canyon for the first time, too."
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"Anyway, uh..." he bites his lip, "I had a dream that night." He glances at Biggs' face to gauge his reaction. He's already gotten the feeling that Biggs knows where this is going with that arched eyebrow. "It was about you. And me." He purses his lips and nods slowly, smirking mischievously at Biggs.
"At first I thought it was really happening because it took place right there in the loft. I woke up when you climbed on top of me-- and kissed me... and then disappeared under the pelt and did other things." His grin widens. "It wasn't until I actually woke up that I realized it had all been a dream." He pauses and chuckles shyly. "And then I had to change my pants while you were still asleep."
"I know I had feelings for you even before that but-- well, you can probably imagine that denying things really wasn't an option anymore."
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If Biggs isn't really ready yet for anything too aerobic this might have been a bad decision. Luke's eyes have glazed over and his pulse has already sped up, rushing blood quite quickly and efficiently to places that need it a little more than usual. This is all it takes to get him brain-numbingly turned on, potentially living out the events of a wet dream, memories of all of those fantasies and desires that nearly drove him crazy for years, and Biggs' take-control attitude. Luke has just discovered some things about himself.
Finally he recovers enough to get out a few words though he's somewhat breathless. "You have no idea. Biggs..." His hands have moved to Biggs' hips as if to hold him in place and he licks his lips. "... I've been waiting five years. Don't you dare tease me."
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And indeed, Biggs rarely ever backs away from something he wants, but he can recognize this isn't the time or place; not yet. He will lean in, pressing them even closer together, and steal a kiss from Luke before sitting back up, a triumphant grin spreading across his face. "...Alright. It will be something to look forward to."
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As Biggs sits up Luke follows suit, propping himself up on his hands with his arms out behind him. He tilts his head at Biggs and ponders what he just said, a promise of even more once he's feeling better. The idea of being even more intimate with Biggs is arousing yes, but it also makes him incredibly nervous. Luke's only been with one other person before, it was a long time ago, it was a girl, and frankly... it was bad.
Luke knows Biggs is more experienced than he is but he wonders how much more, and specifically, in what ways. It might prove to be important later. He'd thought of asking this question before but he'd never really had the opportunity until now.
"Biggs... have you ever-- how long have you known that... that you- you're interested in other guys?" His face is already a bit red from a minute ago so it doesn't change much.
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"...Well, I've always been attracted to you. Of course, I didn't realize it until recently..." There was a lot of self-reflection to be had after discovering his appreciation for Luke's eyes and his figure had always been something more than friendly affection. He searches himself for another instance, a time he'd found a man other than Luke attractive, but can't come up with a specific answer. He's certain there was one, for his newfound interests weren't a shock, but the memory eludes him. He was a driven person, and sat comfortably at the very top of his class in the Academy - he did not spend his military career allowing his eyes to wander to the other men. The only time post-Tatooine he'd let another person complicate his thoughts was during the short period he'd spent resenting Hobbie over a misunderstanding, but that was something different. "I guess I didn't 'know'. You were the person I was interested in at home, and when I left, I was so focused on my training that it never crossed my mind. After the mutiny, Dantels showed interest in me, so I pursued her." It's a bit awkward to mention his ill-fated date to Luke, as it's the first time bringing her up since he'd arrived, but exes came and went and he and Luke had a more intimate relationship, now. There was no reason to be jealous.
"...So, that makes you the first," he chuckles, amused at his own answer. It wasn't the confident response Luke may have been looking for, but it is an honest one, and he feels better for sharing it. In spite of their experiences, they were still young men, with room left to make new discoveries about themselves.
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He still smiles smugly at the knowledge of how deeply Biggs' feelings are for him and just how long they've actually been there. It becomes a bit of an amused smirk when Biggs admits his inexperience with other men. Luke's not amused at the fact of it, simply that Biggs seems a bit self-conscious about it. It isn't often that Luke gets a glimpse of his vulnerable side but he feels, as Biggs' lover, that he deserves an occasional glance.
Luke tilts his head a bit back and to the side, his cheek resting against his shoulder, and regards Biggs with an admiring look. He enjoys seeing his vulnerable side as a matter of fact, and he hopes Biggs can tell.
True, Luke had actually been curious about whether or not Biggs would know how to... go about things when the time came, but he's not displeased with this answer either. It just means they'll learn together.
"No need to look so embarrassed about it. You've been the only one for me so far. Uh..." he glances towards the floor in a moment of his own mild embarrassment, "in more ways than one." He's not sure how closely Biggs had paid attention to his romantic endeavors but there was a distinctive lack of dating in Luke's early years... or at any point in his life. Just being in a relationship is new to him let alone the things that come with it.
"I guess, um... well, there's definitely someone we could always ask for advice," he offers with a crooked half-smile. The person he's referring to is likely obvious.
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He seems to light right back up when Luke speaks, pleased to have been his one and only partner. He'd always known, but especially now, Luke's inexperience was somehow endearing. "Jack, right? That wouldn't be a bad idea..." They had come a long way since their awkward meeting in the pool, and Biggs knew that he and his husband were people they could trust.
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"Good. Then we have our tasks for the next week or two. We'll do some research and you--" Luke scoots forward and presses his hands to Biggs' shoulders, attempting to guide him back down onto the floor so that they can spend a bit more time in each others' arms, "-- focus on getting better. Once you do I think we could make a night in here really spectacular."
Luke's faced towards the floor so he doesn't see it initially but above them the artificial sky has turned grey and light raindrops begin to fall. It's not actual water so they're in no danger of getting uncomfortably drenched but the sound and the mist in the air make it seem very real.
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As Biggs rolls over, his eyes turn up towards the sky: his lips part in surprise from what he finds there. He blinks reflexively as the first of the artificial rain is drawn towards the ground, and soon after a light and steady pour follows them. A fine mist has fallen cool on Biggs' skin, and his voice is soft and filled with wonder. "Luke..." This was an impossible sight at home, and in spite of his travels, one that he still has never seen.
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The sight makes his jaw drop. In the few days he'd spent on Yavin IV the jungle was damp and there was occasionally mist but Luke has also never seen real rain like this. Just the sound by itself is mesmerizing. Thousands of drops landing on leaves in the forest nearby make it so real, and the holodeck has even generated the smell of fresh rain on the ground.
For several moments Luke is caught leaning back on one elbow and staring up at the sky, taking it all in. Finally he decides that he could stay in here forever and he settles down tightly against Biggs' side, head on his shoulder, and watches the rain fall all around them.
Quietly, he mutters, "You just let me know when you want to go back." There's a smile in his voice, though, to indicate that he's slightly joking. The sight is so beautiful, both the scene and Biggs resting contentedly next to him, that he'd be perfectly happy staying here for the rest of the day.