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[ Bellamy's eyes flicker over Clarke's face, her clothes, her hair, the way she carries herself. His lips purse together and turn down unhappily, and he announces: ]

You look terrible.

[ Rather than answering her question, he ops for a blunt observation. Which is pretty much what he expected anyway, and that's why he's here in the first place. With that established, he brushes past her to enter her room without an invitation. ]

[clarke is well aware how she looks right now given all attempts to hide that fact was a lost cause to begin with. she tries to shrug off his words but instead she responds by giving him a rather indignant look while he enters her room instead of answering her question mostly because she really wasn't up for discussing her current state right now] Yeah, alright— I look terrible, I get it.

So what did you come all this way for?

[ He looks around the room with keen interest, cataloguing Clarke's things, the way she has everything set up, then turns to face her again, hands settling on his hips. ]

You've been hiding out in here for days.

[ He informs her disapprovingly. ]

You've been doing nothing but... thinking. You need to get out, Clarke- out of your room and out of your head.

It hasn't been days— [she starts off immediately with arguing that point. she had been talking with people here and there since the jump, she even made the effort to confront raven a few days ago and of all things she is arguing over how many days it has been instead because even she can't deny that the rest of his words have a ring of truth to them.

she lets out a sigh, her hand brushing through hair in frustration. she knows he's right and that she needs to do something to get her mind off things but she has no idea how to even do that] But fine, what do you suggest then?

[ He frowns, considering their options, considering his answer, then starts toward the door again abruptly. ]

Come on. We're going out.

[ He declares, as though he's decided it without needing her permission. Accept it, Clarke, it's inevitable. ]

[clarke was waiting for his answer but when he just up and decides they are going out without so much as an explanation or even considering her opinion on the matter.

she just stares at first when he heads straight towards the door and while she could still continue arguing with him and demand a proper answer, she knows he probably won't drop it either so she gives in and follows along behind him, partially curious as to where he is taking her] Okay, so where are we going?

[ He leads the way as he's wont to do, striding with swift confidence like he just knows she's going to follow.

...And then he realizes he's supposed to be a friend here and not a leader, so he purses his lips and slows down until they're walking side by side. ]

Drinking. We're going to get you wasted, princess, and you're gonna talk about your-

[ He waves vaguely. ]

Feelings, or whatever.

[clarke easily falls in step along beside him when he slows down in pace. she turns to look at him, mild curiosity in her expression because where ever he was deciding on taking her, it had better be good or at least distracting enough to help.

the moment he finally answers her question though, she can't help but look surprised at his suggestion. it was probably the last thing she expected even more so since he was also suggesting that she talk about her feelings]

Drinking and talking about feelings, really? [she frowns at first but she is definitely not objecting to it either mostly because at this point she doesn't even care. maybe she could use a drink, just forget the pain associated with everything she had been feeling lately because that didn't sound so bad right then] Well maybe I could do with the first part.

Really.

[ He echoes her seriously, sparing her something of a surveying look. Gauging how well received the sentiment is, because admittedly while they've been good at being partners and leaders, they've always been a little awkward in the friends department.

But they are, aren't they?

He thinks so. He thinks Clarke might be his closest friend, and isn't that tragic? He leads them toward the end of the corridor, toward the bar on her floor. It's empty, abandoned, and he swings around the bar to grab a bottle of something that looks... brown, and not terrible. None of the labels are familiar to him, but it doesn't really matter anyway. He plucks up two glasses with the fingertips of his free hand, and snags them a booth in a private corner. Slides into one of the seats, and clunks a glass down in front of the booth opposite them.

Pours them each a hearty tumbler of whiskey. ]

[if the circumstances were different then she would have reacted a bit differently but as it was, she figured it was worth a try. back home there was barely any time to indulge in this sort of thing for long or to even grieve properly because there were always more pressing matters to deal in both protecting and leading their people.

being on this ship though, she had more time than she knew what to do with in comparison so the awkwardness was kind of inevitable for both of them with this whole friendship thing. it's something she realizes while they make their way towards the bar because between all her friends that she still has right now, bellamy is probably her closest one and while that doesn't come as too much of a surprise to her, it makes her appreciate the sentiment behind his actions at least.

clarke has admittedly never ventured into the bar prior to this though she has walked past it plenty of times before so this was a first for her. she follows along with bellamy when they enter inside and after he grabs something for them to drink and a booth for them to sit, she takes a seat as well watching as the pours the liquid into the both glasses. she's still quiet, not really saying much when she reaches for her glass, looking at it almost tentatively as she wonders if this will even work]

[ It'll work, he knows it'll work. It's a tried and true coping strategy that has been passed down for generations, and it's pretty much the only way he knows how to reach out to Clarke and... help or her deal with everything. Once both glasses are full, he sets the bottle to the side and settles back into the booth.

Brings the glass to his lips, and takes a hearty swallow. Just to get things going.

There's a beat of quiet, contemplative silence, and then he starts in. ]

You've killed people before.

[ He comments, eyes flicking to her to gauge her reaction. ]

Mercy-killed. I've seen you do it more than once.

[clarke finds herself staring at her drink for a good few moments before she takes a sip, swallowing hard before attempting to answer him. the topic of conversation wasn't too much of a surprise but that doesn't mean she was happy with talking about it either.

she is well aware of the fact she has mercy killed people before but this wasn't the same thing, not to her at least because it was finn. not a person she barely had a connection with but the boy she loved who became the way he did because of how much he loved her] I know— but this time was different.

Different how?

[ He asks solemnly, even though he thinks he knows the answer. Finn was a friend, closer than Atom, closer than Charlotte. He thinks she might have loved him, though probably not in the way Finn loved her. Still, she's lost people before, close people. Her father, for starters, and that period of time where she thought Abby died on the dropship.

He doesn't see why she can't reconcile his death with the fact that it was a mercy killing, an end to an inevitable torture fest.

He doesn't see why she can possibly blame herself for this. ]

[clarke just leans back in her seat looking contemplative for a moment while still holding her drink in one hand. there are probably a number of ways she could answer his question because there was were so many factors of it that she blamed herself which were heavily weighing down on her.

it wasn't the mercy killing that was the issue here because the whole reason she went through with it was so that finn wouldn't have to suffer through the whatever torture the grounders had planned for him. instead it was the circumstances around it, it was about herself and the chain of events that were set in motion and it just makes clarke feel partially responsible for it all much like what she told lexa when pleading with her and offering up herself in finn's place] It's— everything that happened, the reason he did the things he did— it was because of me.

[ Bellamy nudges her glass a little with a finger, pushing it toward her, indicating that she should drink. This conversation will go a lot more smoothly when she's a little more numb to it, and as if to prove his solidarity, takes a large drink himself. Whatever alcohol this is, it's a lot more smooth than Monty's moonshine, that's for damn sure. ]

Finn made his own decisions, you can't blame yourself for those.

[ He informs her flatly, leaving no room for protest. ]

He couldn't handle the pressure, he snapped, he made bad decisions. That's not on you, that's on him. The only person that should be blamed for Finn's death is Finn.

[clarke just makes a face as she hears his response, it's clear that she doesn't agree with his words but when he nudges her glass towards her, she indulges in taking in a larger sip slowly easing herself into drinking more. if clarke was anyone else she would have accepted bellamy's reasoning but no matter which way she thinks about it, she still sees herself at fault. something that has become a pattern with her when it comes to people close to her dying and for the people she wasn't able to save either because her part with finn's death it felt like she was barely hanging on by a thread sometimes]

Oh there's plenty to blame myself for— it's hard not to when being in love with me changed him the way it did. [it goes unsaid where that love got him but that was just one of the many reasons the guilt still stays with her]

[ His lips purse together unhappily as he unscrews the bottle's lid. Fills their glasses up again, because it's obvious he's going to have to just funnel alcohol into her to get anywhere. ]

Clarke, just because he was in love with you doesn't justify why he did what he did.

[ Bellamy would know, he's done some insane stuff on Octavia's behalf, but that doesn't make what he did right. He learned that the hard way. ]

[with her glass refilled, she repeats the process and takes another drink from it. drinking wasn't all that hard really, it was talking about her feeling coupled with her stubbornness that didn't mix well enough together] I wasn't saying it justified anything but I was the reason behind it, wasn't I? Even you said that part of the reason Finn changed was because he thought he lost me—

[her voice breaks causing her to abruptly trail off just slightly as if she was going to cry again before she forces it down to a slight sniffle and continues] It was done in my name. How am I not supposed to feel responsible for that?

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