(no subject)

[wiped]

CHARACTERS: derek, thomas and jax plus special guests.
LOCATION: all over!!
WARNINGS: will update as needed.
SUMMARY: memeories and othe fun overlapping sensations.
NOTES: planned shenanigans for memory leaks will go in this entry. i am happy to plan others, just pp/pm me!

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[altercate]

[ it's as if the words pull derek tight, tension winding through derek's body, gritting his teeth, expression going forcibly flat as derek fights back the wash of grief, the urge to flinch away from the words. ]

Lydia was there. And Stiles. They saw it happen.

[ unable to come up with anything better to say. there isn't any accusation in erica's tone, but derek isn't sure what else she could possibly be working up to. ]

[better]

[If he's looking for accusation, he's not going to find it in her tone. She's confused, if anything, but she could see with her own eyes that it wasn't something Derek wanted to do. After everything else she's seen - the other which she'll bring up in another moment, she knows he wouldn't have done it of his own choice.]

They're the Alpha pack, right? The ones that take Boyd and me?

[altercate]

Yes.

[ the involvement of kali and the twins doesn't mitigate derek's own guilt. the fault lies with him and his failure to fight on his own, on the fact that he'd let isaac and boyd stay with him. an alpha might be stronger with a pack, but risking them had been unforgivable. or derek thinks it was, no matter what transpired after. ]

If you saw Boyd, then you saw the twins. And Kali.

[ thinking about what else she might possibly have seen is difficult. there's so much. she's missed so much and she doesn't remember enough. derek can't tell if it's a blessing or a curse anymore, no matter what isaac seems to think. ]

[better]

[She's heard things, but she knows that eventually she'll know things for herself. It brings her to the thing she knows is from Derek.]

Did she know? I mean - when I was here before, did anyone tell me that I was going to die?

I saw the two of you talking. From when she was here on the ship... when I was here.

[altercate]

[ it's complicated. erica talks like it's someone else, and derek can at least understand that. stiles had done it too, referred to his prior visits like he'd been a separate person at the time. derek doesn't have the high ground to knock anyone else's coping mechanisms. ]

The first time, we didn't know.

[ and if they had, they couldn't have stopped it. derek needs to tell himself that, or the guilt would eat him alive. ]

She knew, the second time.

[ surprisingly, not any easier. and all the more difficult when she'd gone. ]

[better]

[It feels weird to think of it as herself when she can't even remember it. When it's happened twice and all of those memories are just gone. When her time has overlapped and been repeated as far as from when she arrived there. It's easier and yet at the same time still difficult.]

Did someone tell her... like how Allison told me? [Maybe she just needs to find things to relate to. Maybe if she knows more, it'll unlock those memories. Maybe they're trapped inside her already and she just can't find them.]

[altercate]

We didn't have to. We didn't know either, the first time.

[ and allison had known when she'd arrived as well. fielding the conversation about impending death and his own inability to prevent them wasn't something derek had prepared for. he'd known people aboard the ship who'd had to deal with it, but it hadn't touched him. ]