ataraxionlogs | you're the only one who ever drove me crazy

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you're the only one who ever drove me crazy

CHARACTERS: Nill & you.
LOCATION: Just outside the media library on her level, possibly elsewhere.
WARNINGS: N/A.
SUMMARY: Nill is trying to give Heine some space, and decides to wander.
NOTES: Still pretty iffy around men, but much better than when she first arrived. She is also still molting.

[The hole in the wall near her bed had already been covered with a little bit of tape and paper, the smell of gunpowder had already been wafted from their room, and he had already agreed not to sleep with his guns anymore. And he had still made her stay with Betty for the past few days. Not that she didn't like Betty--she was great, and so kind and helpful. But the stress of being away from Heine had made her molt faster, made her wings itch and ache worse.

So to say the least, Nill was not in a particularly pleasant mood.

But she was trying. She had tried to keep the smile on her face and her negative emotions held back. It was exhausting, but she hadn't lost her mask once, had satisfied herself with just texting him now and then to make sure he was okay, that he was trying to sleep and that he was eating. She hoped that he'd show up soon, like he so often did, but wasn't holding her breath. He'd find her when he was ready, when he was sure that he wouldn't snap her in half from one wrong move. She trusted him, but he didn't trust himself, and that was always the problem.

Another day without seeing him meant that she could either stay cooped up or wander. The latter was her immediate choice, and she texted him to let him know where she'd be, and then set out, dressed in one of the Lolita outfits because she hadn't been around their room to do laundry yet. She knew where the library was, had already practiced reading and writing there, so it was familiar. No harm in going to a familiar place, even alone.]

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[Alex needed to get out of his room. He'd been cooped up, lately, too many memories of the past haunting his thoughts to do much besides read, listen to music, and drink too much.

It wasn't healthy, and he knew that wallowing would only be a step back for him--something he couldn't allow.

So instead, he put Bozo on his leash, and started towards the library, hoping to find another book to read--as much as he loved Catcher in the Rye, it was too depressing, right now.

Pushing open the door, he blinked when he saw the little white wings. Nill-- he wasn't sure she really wanted to see him, right now. He brought too much negativity with him.]

...Nill. Hey.

[Negativity was something Nill had been dealing with for a good part of her life. Heine exuded it in waves, and Naoto wasn't much better. So turning to see Alex after hearing the door open actually brought a small smile to her face, even as she remembered how freaked out he had been by Heine's nightmare. He'd come off as strong, like nothing could break through his skin.

Nill should have known better. There was something for everyone.

Wings rustling behind her (no feathers dropping, thank goodness), the blonde started towards him, hands clasped behind her back. She knew that he didn't have the same issues Heine did with touch, but she didn't want to push her luck if she could help it.]

[He smiled tightly, as if the expression didn't sit well on his face; it never had, really. Grins were rare for him...definitely not something he was feeling, now.

Bozo darted out immediately when he saw Nill, moving to pounce at her feet, meowing happily at the sight of his friend.]

Well, I think he's starting to like you more than me.

[He shrugged, nodding slightly.]

Still molting?

[She notices how strained the expression is, but isn't about to mention it. Nill really doubted he would appreciate it. As much as she wished he didn't have to try to smile, she understood that sometimes it was just hard to. And there wasn't anything wrong with that, not really.

The blonde crouches so she can give Bozo a quick scratch behind the ears, but she doesn't look away from Alex once. She's studying him, trying to think of what she can do to make him feel better about--whatever was bothering him. Nothing immediately comes to mind, so she concentrates on his question instead.

A slight nod is her actual answer. A feather falling from her slightly less ragged-looking wings is a secondary one.]

[ It seems that there's some shadowy afterimage kinda thing accompanied by this glasses-like glint someways behind Alex. It's actually something that Nill's seen before, back when Dave "secretly" video called her on his communicator. That shady figure in the background who later confirmed she could come on down to his room for a little tête-à-tête with Dave.

Sure, it's easy to dismiss him as a figment of one's imagination, but he's just as real as any other passenger on this gigantic space boat. He's none other than Dirk Strider, not quite at their service but rather at his own, and he's kinda creeping after both of them in the entirely stalker-y way that he does things. Yeah. ]

Well--it just means your wings will be prettier, afterwards.

[Alex managed a small smile then, stepping up closer to her, his hands relaxing at his side, finally. He felt like something was unfurling in him, slowly--it always felt better to be around her.]

Working on your reading like I taught you?

[He is about to say more when he pauses, frowning. Something felt off. Like--]

Nill, is anyone else in here with us?

[That makes her smile just a little bit more. Though, "pretty" was never a word she liked to attribute to herself. Pretty was a word people used when they wanted to have something to look at, to own and show off. It didn't sit very well with her.

But yes, they would indeed be prettier.

She can see him relaxing, and gently gathers Bozo into her arms so she can stand. Another nod--she practiced every day. She would ask Heine to go with her to the library, or write on the walls of the ship with the chalk Dave had given her (she was running out, she'd have to ask for more soon). And typing on the network was definitely helping.

Almost as soon as he started to speak, she felt the hair on the back of her neck rise and she held Bozo a little tighter. Yes, something was off. Nill cranes her neck to look around them and then behind him, trying to see what (or who) it might be. She thought she saw a (familiar) glare, but couldn't be sure. She takes a step to the side, trying to see better.]

[ Well, looks like they know he's here. If that hadn't been the point, Dirk wouldn't have let them notice. But for once, he's interested in meeting the two. So he stands in place, all cool and casual with his sick-wicked hair and awesome triangle shades. ]

Sup.

[For a while, he'd been very reluctant to bring Lodewijk down to the Oxygen Garden - if something like the Fear Gas shit happened again they might both die in the chaos - but after months of calm and too many days of guilt over leaving the little fuzzball alone for so long, he'd finally decided to bring his rabbit down as he worked. After a week brought nothing terrible (in fact, Lodewijk loved it down there), he'd gotten into the habit of bringing him along. With the harness, of course.

So this ~~noon~~ morning found him yawning his way down the lift, rabbit in tow, and not paying much attention to his surroundings as he stepped off the lift and they made their way across the hallway and across the threshold.

Lodewijk sees her before he does, and the jerk to his lead almost yanks Netherlands into stumbling right over her.]

[She had only been able to hang around the library for so long. After all, she could only read a little so far, and being around so may books that she couldn't quite get through yet was a little disheartening. But the gardens were a safe bet, for sure.

She's close to a patch of lilies when she notices the rabbit. Blue eyes turn to look at it and she tilts her head curiously. She's never seen one before. But she catches sight of the leash and after following it, of the person it's attached to. Her wings rustle behind her back and she sits back on her heels, waiting. She thought he'd talk to her, at least.]

[While he knew she was skittish, half of him thought that it was due to her newness aboard the Tranquility, and he'd definitely not made the connection to his being a guy. Not even close. Too many people back home were intimidated by him, anyway, so somewhere he'd halfway come to expect it. Thinking that she might still be shy he pulled himself back, but didn't do a damn thing to keep Lodewijk back as the fuzzball bounded her way. Cute.

Everyone liked bunnies, right? Netherlands is of the opinion that his rabbit is the cutest fucking thing to exist. The thought that she might not know what it is? Also totally escaped him. Lodewijk hopped toward her lap...]

Guess he likes ya, kid, [was all he had to say about it.]

[Nill would have agreed, if he'd voiced that opinion. The rabbit was fuzzy and adorable and basically everything she liked about animals. There was no way it had fangs or would scratch at her.

A small smile makes its way to her lips as the bunny hopes towards her, and it only grows once Lodewijk actually keeps on coming. It wanted to play with her! She thought so, anyway. That was what Alex's cat did when it wanted to play, after all. She cautiously extends a hand towards it, glancing up at its owner for permission.]

[Lodewijk doesn't even slow down to sniff, just barrels his way past her hand and straight onto her skirts. Attempts to lift himself up on his back legs to give her bunny kisses as she looks up.

The sight of it almost makes Netherlands laugh, but she's still a stranger to him and all that comes out is an amused snort as he runs his hand through the back of his hair, hoping the fuzzball won't freak her out too much.]

[Nill jumps a bit, but doesn't fall backwards or anything. Oh. It was a friendly creature, to be sure. Definitely better than the squirrels running around--they wouldn't let her pet them at all.

Nill grins to herself, reaching down to pat the rabbit's head gently. She leans down so she can rub her nose against the bunny's. He seemed to want that. And it was really freaking adorable.]

[Very, very friendly, and as long as she loves on him he'll probably keep enthusiastically nuzzling and attempting bunny kisses.

Netherlands starts rummaging around for his comms device, muttering that there should at least be a damn camera on it somewhere, before he looks back up and figures he should at least properly introduce them, or whatever.]

Uh. His name's Lodewijk... He's a Holland lop. [Yep, just gonna. Shift to the other foot and try to figure out how to take pictures. Awkwardly.]

[This is quite literally the most adorable thing. Nill doesn't know how to handle this much cute. Oh wait, yes she does. She carefully gathers the rabbit up into her arms, cradling him close as she listens to his owner speak.

Lodewijk. Such a strange name. She didn't think she'd be able to pronounce it even if she could speak. Spelling was definitely out of the question for the moment. Nill watches him for a few moments, head tilted to the side. She didn't know what he was doing, but didn't really mind. There was a ball of fluff in her arms, basically demanding her attention. The blonde grins to herself, and buries her nose in Lodewijk's fur for a few moments, snuggling her face into his body.]

[Lodewijk has about zero qualms over it. If anything it makes him more excited. Have fun smelling like rabbit, Nill.

Uh. She looks confused for just a moment, and he's not sure why, but he shrugs it off soon enough when she gets back to the fuzzball. After a few more moments he sits down, close enough to hand her the reigns to Lodewijk's lead - but given how ridiculously long his arms are, it's not that close, all said. Dude isn't a fan of close contact for the most part.]

[Rabbit is probably not a bad smell. In fact, she sort of likes it. It reminds her of all the things she hadn't been able to see before coming to the ship: grass and trees and everything outdoors. Soft, fuzzy creatures like the one in her arms.

The blonde pauses, watching him extend his hand. The leash? Was he... going to let her hold it? The gesture was kind, and she felt her skittishness lessening by the second. Okay, she could do this. Nill reaches for the lead and takes it, careful not to actually touch him as she does so. But her eyes say thank you, as does the small, shy smile on her lips.]

[Cute. He watches her take the lead like it might burn her and can't quite keep a corner of his mouth from quirking up. After nine months he's learned that simple, nice moments are few and far between on the ship, and when they do come around it's hard not to indulge. Or to want to document it. As he taps away on his device trying to find that damn camera (Japan would know, he thinks), tongue between his teeth, he glances up and tries for some sort of conversation.]

So uh. Y'like rabbits too, then. [Yes and no questions, Ned, gotta remember that.]

[Okay, this isn't nearly as frightening as she'd imagined it might be. He isn't frightening. She isn't sure how to handle it. So instead of thinking about it, she just focuses on snuggling the rabbit.

The blonde smiles a bit more, and shrugs. This is the first time she's seen a rabbit. But yes, she likes this rabbit. It was soft and fluffy and affectionate and those were all things Nill enjoyed.]

[Right now he's got the air of an awkward teenager more than anything else, even though he's not at all, physically or otherwise. But small talk is something he sucks at and has never bothered to try to fix, because normally he doesn't feel compelled to... why the hell he suddenly feels like he needs to fill the silences she can't is beyond him.
Always did do that with Indië, didn't he.
There's a small little sound when he finds the damn camera and he lifts his phone up, grin in his eyes.]

Can I - [He makes a motion with his other hand like taking a picture.] I'll send one t'you, too.

[Awkward teenager is always in the air around Nill because most of the time she exudes it. She doesn't know how to act like a teenager, and suddenly she's been thrown into an environment with several, some of them boys. We won't even get into how much Nill doesn't know how to deal with cute teenage boys.

She recognizes the gesture, but only because Badou has his camera and has taken a picture or two of her before. She decides that yes, this is okay. It's his rabbit anyway. So though she's still shy, Nill gives a little nod and a smile.]

Mm.

[That's a pleased little sound, and while he frowns and tries to get the picture framed just so he thinks that he should really do this with the others now that he's found it. Asato and Konoe, Russia, Heather... who knew if one day he'd wake up and it'd be the only thing left of them, here. While he snaps a couple he glances up at her, wonders if she could say the same thing. Twice, he's seen her, and twice she's been alone and painfully shy.]

Y'got anyone here?

[Nill just sits there, holding the bunny, watching him take pictures. She keeps the smile on, and eventually it settles into an expression of practiced ease. She runs one hand idly between the rabbit's ears, scratching lightly.

At the question, her smile falters a bit. She nods. Yes, she had someone. Had. Has, somewhere, but for right now, past tense. She doesn't exactly know where he is. Hopefully he'd come back to her room soon, but she couldn't hold her breath for it being any time soon.]

[Oh. Damn. Making that smile falter was not on the agenda. But her smile doesn't collapse, or anything, and he's a ~~protective~~ nosy bastard sometimes.]

From home, or uh - [He idly waves toward the passenger quarters with one hand before he realizes he's trying to turn it into something not yes or no. Whoops. So he bites his lip and waves toward the passenger decks again. From the ship?]

[She gets the gist of what he means. Nill tries to keep the smile on her face, and mostly succeeds. She holds up a finger to indicate the first option (the only one he'd offered, really), and gives a nod. Yes, someone from home. She just had to find out where he was, whether or not he was alright. The stress of worrying for him was making her sick, making her molt faster. But at least she knew he was still somewhere on the ship.]

[For a moment he frowns, wondering who she knew from the first jump - he still frowns when he figures it out. From home, from her home. That might be good... or it might be the reason he's only ever seen her alone and seemingly skittish about every damn thing she encountered.

Yes or no.]

Are they - they're not dangerous, right.

[She pauses. Not because she's debating whether or not Heine is dangerous--he most certainly is. Just not to her. Instead, she's wondering how honest she wants to be about that. The hesitation lasts only a second, and then she shakes her head. No, no Heine was not dangerous. As long as he stayed around her and away from women, he could function just fine. The smile she adds is surprisingly genuine, hopefully backing up her answer.]

[It's her smile that sells it, has him kind of rationalizing the uncertainty to himself. It was a broad question, and it seemed like half the damn ship could be threatening in some way. Still. It didn't really explain how she acted, why she's always alone.

Because obviously a sample size of two is "always". What do you mean paranoid.]

So you're not, uh. Hidin' from them, or whatever.

[Nill shakes her head, insistent. No, of course she wasn't hiding from Heine. She never would. It was the other way around, strangely enough; he was hiding from her. It seemed odd, that someone so strong could be terrified of a small girl's presence, but there it was. Heine's fear was rational through and through, but she knew that few people, if any, could really understand.]

[Hey, that's enough to get him to lean back on his palms and nod his head, once, glancing sideways and playing with an unlit cigarette between his fingers as he - rambles at her, almost. At least he feels like he's rambling.]

Just weird seein' you here alone. Not - [He gives his head a small shake, that came out wrong. Not that he would know what's weird or not with her.] I mean. Y'seem nervous, I guess.

[Or, you know, Ned, maybe it's because you're a huge surly looking dude.]

[Holding the rabbit helps. Helps keep her calm, helps keep her from freaking out. It's warm and fuzzy and comforting, and does wonders for her nerves. Nill shrugs a bit. She was used to being alone; when Heine wasn't around back home, she usually kept to herself. Bishop did his best, but there could only be so much communication between a blind and a mute.

Nill runs her hands gently over the rabbit's head, smoothing its ears. She shakes her head a bit, trying to dispel the idea of being nervous. Partly for him, but mostly for herself.]

[Seeing as he's still looking off to the side, at the ground, he nearly misses her shrug. Even then, it takes a moment for him to turn back to her, but when he turns back it's to see her coddling Lodewijk and the sight of Lodewijk blessed out on her lap.

No?]

You're not, huh.

[It's out right as he thinks it, but if he's annoyed with the lack of mental filter there he doesn't show it.]

That's. That's good.

[Because, well, he's sort of on edge and hell if he knows why.]

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you're the only one who ever drove me crazy

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Gardens.

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