(no subject)

[theguidinghand]

CHARACTERS: "Todd"/Guide, James T. Kirk, and all volunteers
LOCATION: Medical Bay
WARNINGS: Extensive description of the Wraith feeding process, and internalized self-loathing. Possible profanity.
SUMMARY: You can never win, you can only break even. With a Wraith, you can't break even - even if you are one.


He's growing used to the fire in his bones, and the thought disgusts him more than he would dare to admit. This repetition of siphoning off a bit of life and then slowly starving again is not the way of a Queen's man. It is short-sighted - but the kine are a short-lived species, as it should only be that they cannot imagine so far into the future. Yet he has agreed to this deal, and their short-sightedness is his own. It will not be long before he starves again, and then more humans will have to sacrifice themselves to him. So this vicious cycle will begin anew.

He kneads the dark vein that winds itself abound his wrist so that it does not swell with enzyme, but he closes his fist as he does so. He can grow used to the fire in his bones, but never shall he look upon a hungry hand without shame.

Guide waits in the medical bay, squinting at the too-bright lights. When he has the strength to do so, he stands; when he hasn't, he rests, sitting as regally as one can in torn leathers.

Comments

open to all you bitches

[goldshirt]

Kirk is present because he can't not be here. If given the option, he would gladly continue donating to this cause, but he has the physical evidence proving how much he can't without putting himself at detriment. The glimmer of silver at his temple, soft and barely there, is a constant reminder to him that his life span has been irrevocably shortened. Which is why he's keeping fresh track of people who have signed up as donors.

Nobody else is going to be hurt the same way he let himself be. Systematically killing other people on this ship, regardless of the cause, isn't something he can condone. If, in the end, he needs to make a choice, he knows he'll have to cut Nick off, because Nick is only one person, and it isn't worth the lives of god only knows how many others. Kirk sincerely hopes it won't come down to that, because loathe as he is to admit it, Nick (or is it Todd?) has experience they're going to need.

Especially with a sentient ship.

Still, his mouth is set in a firm line as he oversees the process, and you can bet he'll check on every single person after they've done their part.

[darkholme]

Incidentally, the donation process isn't any easier the second time. It's just as scary, just as overwhelming, just as tiring... She doesn't immediately feel sick like she did the first time, at least, but that just leads her to believe that she was only sick the first time from nerves. She's a little pale, and everything aches, but her stomach isn't rebelling like last time. So that's good, right? Means it won't be as gross tomorrow, and it won't matter that Erik isn't there to help her through it again. Hn.

Raven's up on her feet a few minutes sooner than she likely should be, just because she needs to get away from the line of donors, out of that bed, make it easier to pull away from the situation. It helps that there are mostly different faces than the last time, but then... not really. Because it just reminds her that those people might not even be here anymore. She zips up her jumpsuit all the way, covers up the small bandage that's covering up the marks. Flexes her hands open and closed at her sides, like getting her circulation going will make her feel less tired, cold. She's not sick, no, but this is awful. Not being at her top condition is enough to make her feel weak, and unprepared, and a little bit scared.

But then she sees Jim. So.

Okay, maybe not as scared.

Luckily, there's a chair not to far from where he's standing. It's just as uncomfortable as every other piece of furniture in the medbay, but she's making it her new favorite chair for a while. She sits sideways on it, facing him, her head resting against the wall.

"Hey there, silverfox." Bad joke? Bad joke. She'll smile anyway, like the situation isn't really freaking grim. "You know, I thought I noticed the-" just gesturing with her fingers at her own temple. "-on the comm, but it looks even better in person."

[goldshirt]

He wants to go to her, which in itself is a strange feeling. Help her to her feet and wrap her in the blanket the doctors provide (to stop them from going into shock). It isn't his job, though, so he doesn't- or at least, he doesn't until she comes and sits next to him. Then he grabs a blanket and wraps it around her shoulders anyway, before stepping back out of her personal space.

The look he gives her is amused, but wry. "You don't think it makes me look old?"

[darkholme]

It's only when she's pulling the blanket around herself a litter tighter that she realizes she needed it, but she won't let herself think about it, not when she's got a perfectly good distraction in Kirk being here.

"I think it makes you look distinguished." She somehow grins and winces at the same time, because no, that's not quiet right. "Like... stripes earned. Do they have stripes and stuff in, um, in Starfleet? For different accomplishments? 'Cause I think by now you would have gotten, like. Four or five, at least." Whaaaat is she talking about. "Yeah, that's what it makes you look like, to me. Somebody that's earned some stripes."

[goldshirt]

There's something endearing about the way Raven goes on, and Kirk is glad that it's not something she's lost since being up here. Like the rest of them, she's aged too, but unlike himself (or so he seems to think) she's held on to that flare of fun she arrived with. That part of her that jumped up the bleachers and dared him to follow.

He smiles, genuine. "They do. Have stripes in Starfleet, I mean. But if these are the only stripes I get from being on the Tranquility I'm not sure if that makes me happy or not."

So long as he doesn't return to his native continuum completely grey, he'll be mostly happy.

[darkholme]

"Nah, that's just the first one people might notice. You've got stripes already, though. Other kinds." The longer she's sitting here, the more comfortable the chair gets. Or maybe she's just that tired from the donation, because man she could probably fall asleep right here at this rate. She's trying to keep her body moving though, in little ways, her toes tapping inside of her boots, and her fingers fussing with the ends of the blanket. Anything to keep herself from dozing off, intentionally or not.

"You've changed, you know? Since you got here."

[goldshirt]

He takes the moment of her settling to pull a chair out to sit down next to her, relenting instead of towering over her, but his gaze doesn't leave her when it doesn't need to. The chair squeaks just a little as he takes a seat, watching her expression. Gauging how she's feeling, watching as the fatigue catches up with her. Being bitten by the wraith leaves a bizarre sensation of being in pain while having the strength to bench press a bus, it's always disorienting.

Kirk knows it far more intimately than he should, according to McKay.

"I think we all have," He confesses heavily, leaning his elbows on his knees. "Anyone who's been here for a while."

sits here

[leaps]

They're all working themselves too hard. That's part of the problem, Sulu thinks. Too few people who know what they're doing, and far too much to get done, and Sulu runs himself ragged but Kirk takes that to a whole new level. There's a streak of grey in his hair that Sulu can't miss. and it freaks him the fuck out, but saying that would be a dick move so he just hovers in Kirk's general area, like just Sulu's presence can ease things.

It's probably not helpful. Sulu's aware of this.

But at least he's on hand in the event Kirk throws all self-preservation to the wind and lets this thing latch onto him again. Sulu's got his katana in his boot. He'll take court martial and the brig if necessary. Yes, that's overdramatic, but he thinks he's allowed to be at this stage in the game.

[goldshirt]

Funnily enough, it does help. Maybe because Kirk has been here a long time, nearly a year, and for most of that year he'd been on his own. Had dealt with this on his own; shit that he never should have come across. Moral issues that should never have been up for debate.

It would've been so much easier if, like McKay, they'd been at war with one another. At least then the lines would be clearer.

He doesn't miss the way Sulu looks at that shock of grey, but since he doesn't bring it up, neither does Kirk. He folds his arms over his chest as Nick goes on to the next person, and a lesser man might look away, but Jim doesn't, like by watching, he can shoulder the burden of what's happening.

Of what he's convincing people to do.

[leaps]

Sulu's vaguely aware that this is the sort of scene that...he doesn't want to call it nightmarish. But it's unpleasant. It's the kind of thing he wishes they didn't have to condone, and the kind of thing he hates that Kirk put himself through. He keeps that opinion to himself, because what good is speaking it? Kirk's had arguments with everyone and their mother on this topic. He doesn't need his own crew raising hell over it.

( Though Sulu might, if Kirk goes another round. Insubordination has its time and place, Kirk taught him that, after all. )

He stands more or less at attention, hands clasped loosely behind his back. The longer this drags on the tighter his grip gets, but Sulu reasons that it doesn't matter, because who can see?

"Staying until it's over?"

It's not really a question. Sulu knows Kirk's here till the bitter end.

[goldshirt]

"Until everyone is stable and he's left," Kirk says, his gaze trailing after Nick, who becomes steadier and steadier as he moves through the line of volunteers. It's minimal, Kirk knows, what the wraith takes from them. That he's living on the smallest rations, and he isn't sure what's more difficult to watch: the deterioration of the wraith, the way his mind starts to go and he becomes weaker and weaker, or watching his people line up like cattle to be fed on.

It turns his stomach, for both reasons. His fingers dig into his bicep, just for a moment, before he forces himself to relax.

[leaps]

"Thought so."

It's sort of typical. Everyone in the Academy knew about James T. Kirk and his view on no-win scenarios. But Sulu is pretty sure they might have stumbled on to one. This can't go on forever. And even if it could, he's not sure the passengers would tolerate it. Anyone can see that streak of gray in Kirk's hair, and it's...

Well, all of this is unsettling, but picking and chosing things to focus on is the way people get through this.

His gaze flicks away from the wraith for a moment, just to catch on the silver at Kirk's temple, then the clench of his fingers. Sulu exhales, steps forward just enough to bump his shoudler against Kirk's. It's pretty paltry, as far as phsyical comfort goes, but Sulu isn't really sure how you go about telling your captain everything is going to be okay in a professional manner, so this will have to do.

[goldshirt]

Jim glances at him, then, blue eyes coming around to the curve of Sulu's profile. He knows why the pilot is here; even if he says it's for security, that it's probably less the security of the people and more the security of Kirk. It's almost funny, that he's somehow gathered his own personal body guard, and it might be something he jests with Sulu about at a later date.

Bones would say he warrants the supervision because he can't be trusted to his own devices.

It's all in that look, too, and Kirk doesn't say anything because anything he could say to mean thank you wouldn't be enough. That he questions his captain just enough, without being insubordinate. That he trusts him, in what he's doing. That he keeps standing by his side.

If Jim shifts his weight, just slightly, so that only a hair's breath lingers between their shoulders once the bump has been completed, it may not be something anyone else would notice right away.

gave those bitches an open thread, bitches love open threads

[tofindthesun]

He makes his way towards Kirk silently after entering with Frodo, after making sure the Captain is currently not entertaining company. If he's managed to slip away from his companion, he won't be alone for long. He isn't concerned, though; he'll be nearby if Frodo comes looking. He has yet to meet this Captain in person, so he will do so now, even if it is not, perhaps, the best time for it.

There is age in the sliver of gray in Kirk's hair, in the slight lines on his face, but not in his eyes. Legolas doesn't make a show of inspecting him, but his eyes do stray to Kirk's temple for a moment longer than necessary as he pads over. The aging of Men has always been somewhat.. fascinating. Strange, but fascinating.

"..A gift from a passenger?"

tmw kirk thinks ur pretty legos

[goldshirt]

Kirk looks up, and just like seeing Arwen for the first time, he's a little thrown by the way Legolas looks in person. At first glance, he might equate him to being Vulcan, but there is something much more ethereal about him that doesn't match up to any race Kirk has learned of. Elves are a beautiful race, and regardless of how he'd read about it in Tolkein's novels, it's utterly different witnessing it in person.

"Sorry?" He asks, because out of context, Jim isn't sure what Legolas is referring to. Though, he might have been slightly distracted with the elf's approach.

take a picture kirk it'll last-- actually no it won't..

[tofindthesun]

He smiles at Kirk's reaction-- it wouldn't be the first time, and as long as he walked Middle-Earth (or anywhere, really) among mortals, it wouldn't be the last. It does get old after a while, even if a while to an Elf could be years or decades to anyone else. But that while has yet to come

With some patience, he tips his head in greeting, then points to the mirrored spot on his own temple.

"Will all who volunteer receive one as well?"

[goldshirt]

"Oh," He says, and reflex has Jim lifting his hand to his temple, as though he's going to touch the silver before his fingers drop away, shying from the gesture. Embarrassed by it, maybe.

"No," Is the firm answer that comes, and Kirk straightens, looks at the elf. "This happens when someone has given too much." He says it like a statement, factual, and not like he's literally shortened his life span, that he's literally given too much of himself for this cause. But the flicker in his gaze, toward the wraith, and then back, might give him away to someone particularly empathic.

"We have steps in place to prevent that from happening, now."

[tofindthesun]

"No?" He purses his lips briefly and follows the flicker with little more than a moment of disappointment. He sees the predator but says nothing; the predator has pride, despite his apparent hunger. There is strength and weakness in humbling oneself, asking for aid. He could respect this creature, or grow to, if he doesn't already. "..That is rather unfortunate. I have little love for fineries, of course, but it is an extravagance I do not think would not mind."

His attention is turned back to Kirk just as quickly as it was diverted. The predator is but another being in this room, for now; there will be time enough for him later.

"Nothing to prevent it. But also nothing to ease its clutches once it has taken hold, either." It's more of a statement than a question, though he knows next to nothing of this science they live by. Perhaps the situation might be different had they a solution for this aging. Less panic. Less controversy. Or perhaps it is the idea of being fed upon they despise. "What else may come of this?"

[goldshirt]

Jim's mouth quirks, despite himself, when he notes the disappointment on the elf's face. It's strange to him, to meet someone who isn't perturbed by the idea of aging, but then, when you live for centuries, maybe you don't have the same concept of it. Even compared to the Vulcan race, humanity is but a blip on the radar.

"I guess anything else that would come with age," He answers, and means it as a joke, but it falls somewhat flat, so he goes on, lowering his voice so as not to interrupt any other conversations. "Going through this process too many times can shorten a person's life time, probably because something in the body is being broken down. We're putting a cap to one donation per person." But that presents a problem, because eventually, they're going to run out of people. "Hopefully we'll find a way to synthesize a replacement, so that this won't be an issue anymore."

At least, not until the wraith goes back to his home universe. But that's a conversation Jim isn't keen on having right now.

[theguidinghand]

When the volunteers have been tended to and the medical bay is cleared of all other persons, Guide will approach Kirk. The human has given too much of himself for this, and... he is loath to think it, but he does feel some gratitude toward him. This arrangement is far from ideal, and it has many flaws to fix, but it would have been impossible to make otherwise. But more impossible still is its sustainability. Each time he draws life from humans and allows them to live on, the chances of getting fresh ones to surrender some life dwindles. It will not be long before he will be forced to starve, and he knows it.

Yet for a few moments, he can pretend that there's no such grim future. That which ails him has been put off for a time, and he can be the guardian of his herd that he was meant to be.

[goldshirt]

It takes some convincing, but after firmly convincing Sulu that he'll join him momentarily (Yes, I'll be right there, stop mothering me, I'm not about to compromise myself so you can kick my ass. I'm coming, I promise, now go.), Kirk lingers just a bit longer in medical, because he knows he'll be approached. Not because it's expected, or that they need to have an exchange, but more because it's a feeling Jim has, A gut instinct.

His attention comes around to Nick (Todd? if they guy just wasn't so damn difficult about names-) as he's approached, and just at a glance he can tell he's a little better. It's a bare minimum, the smallest of rations to a starving man, and Jim's mouth presses into a displeased line, his hands coming to rest on his hips.

[theguidinghand]

"I understand that Dr. McKay has made his voice heard about this," he says, lifting his head up and glancing about the room. His hands finally rest easily at his sides, however much he still aches for a decent meal. "And I also understand that you believe him to be capable of synthesizing an adequate substitute."

His mouth quirks as he holds back a scathing comment about Kirk's never-ending optimism, and instead he lowers his voice so that only the human might hear. "You understand that such a thing is highly unlikely, do you not?"

He eyes the door, a suggestion that this talk is best held in private.

[goldshirt]

"He's told me what they've done for a substitute back in your universe," Jim somehow manages to sound both diplomatic and like he isn't thrilled with whatever McKay told him. But he can also take a hint, and he's been around Nick long enough to know what can be spoken of publicly and what needs to be taken elsewhere.

He doesn't feel the need to tell him to follow. Jim just turns and starts for the door, expecting that they'll be mostly in step once they leave medical. "But we do need to start looking for an alternative. Before he arrived, I didn't know just how much we were losing." And his tone isn't exactly accusatory but the glance he gives the wraith is somewhat beady eyed.

[theguidinghand]

Guide returns the glance with a pointed look of his own. "As I'm sure you would be entirely honest with your minders if you were constantly being denied food," he says as mildly as he can. "I am no more thrilled with this compromise than you are, Kirk. To take only a little and hope that the shock does not kill the volunteers is wasteful at best. This arrangement is entirely unnatural, but as you say, McKay has already told you how the Lanteans have tried to assist us in this lean time."

A lean time caused by the Lanteans themselves, though he doubts that McKay would admit that much. Why ruin his credibility by admitting that it was Sheppard who woke every hive in Pegasus? Why mention Michael and his modifications to the Hoffan poison at all? Why mention that their retrovirus cost him the lives of hundreds of men, plus a full hive? The last one stings in his mind as he says, "I have personally tried alternatives to feeding as I naturally should. They do not work, James Kirk. They have only brought me and my people more harm."

[goldshirt]

"Like what?"

He asks, and from anyone else it might sound accusatory, but Kirk only sounds seeking, wanting the knowledge. They need to find a substitute, before the people on board decide enough is enough. Even now, a glance can tell him that Nick isn't doing so hot. If he does have the ability to get them home, the way he says he does, he can't do it like this. Jim knows how hard it is to think when you're starving.

He pushes the memory away, harshly, locks it back down before it can fully surface.