if it makes you less sad, i will die by your hand

[swagneto]

CHARACTERS: Erik Lehnsherr (swagneto), Raven Darkholme (darkholme), Charles Xavier (butwedonot), and Alex Summers (doomhoops).
LOCATION: Various.
WARNINGS: some language, a lot of angst, and possibly violence with Alex.
SUMMARY: A compilation of three different logs featuring the X-cast, where Erik speaks to each of them individually about recent (and past) events over the upcoming few days.
NOTES: None.


No log text here, see separate comments. Will ping people as necessary for their logs.

Comments

[darkholme]

[ Raven gets comfortable on the bed just the same as she was before he knocked, eyes trained on Erik with the kind of worried gaze she would usually scold Charles for giving her after she's had a bad day. She wants to tell him to knock it off ( come here, sit by me ) but that's her way, not his. That much she knows. She sighs, because she knows she shouldn't be thinking this much right now; she's just comforting a friend, which should be very simple, but. It's not.

I don't regret my actions makes her look away, eyes narrowing as her brow furrows.]

You shouldn't, because they weren't your actions. Unless I've missed part of the story? Did you even have any control over your actions at the time?

[ She exhales sharply right after she says it, again suddenly hit with the fear of what happened to him. ]

[swagneto]

[ If Erik was any sort of person capable of relaxing easily, he would have sat by her. But as it stood, with the amount of things weighing on him recently, having some weight lifted off of him was near impossible, not with fully making amends, atoning for it in Erik's own twisted manner. He doesn't meet her gaze, pale eyes fixed on his boots, one overlapping the other as he considers he words.

It's complicated, Erik told her earlier, and it still is. Because in his own mind, the way he handles things are not the way everyone else does, and what everyone else is likely to shrug off, he's willing to keep to himself, turning it around, tossing it in his mind until it's nothing more than a part of him. ]

I didn't. [ There's a bit of regret to Erik's words there, painful as it is to admit that he lost control for once in his life. ] I could -- [ He pauses, and it's clear enough Erik is struggling, however distant he appears right now, standing off to the side, away from her. Folded in on himself, it stings regardless. ] I could see all of it happening, and I couldn't stop it in the slightest.

[darkholme]

[ Her chest tightens with the confirmation of that fear, and it's weird feeling scared of a problem that's already passed, but she can't help it. Because maybe she could have done something to prevent it, or help him fight and gain control again, something, but she wasn't there. And now it's done, but it's not, not really, not when Erik looks so distant and distracted by everything that happened to him.

She slides off her bed and steps towards him in one fluid motion, hesitating only for a second before she's reaching for his wrists and tugging him forward, a quick motion, just to get him away from the wall. Just so she can wrap her arms around his middle and hug him tight. It wasn't rushed, but she did make a point to do all of it quickly, not wanting to give him the chance to reject the gesture, close in on himself even more. He doesn't have to hug her back, as far as she's concerned, but she is holding onto him tightly, hands pressed flat against his back and her cheek against his chest. ]

It's alright now, though. [ Reassurances he might not want, but she'll give them anyway. ] It wasn't your fault, people will have to see that.

[swagneto]

[ That's his issue, he doesn't quite know how to respond to any of this, from the deeds he did to Raven suddenly moving. He's been around both Raven and Charles long enough to not react instinctively around them as he would with others, offering only the slightest bit of resistance, hands pressed to her waist. Intending on pushing her away, he stills, frowning at the moment.

Since his mother, Erik hadn't openly embraced anyone like this, the exception being the kiss he offered Raven earlier, and clutching Charles on the beach like a lost friend, like a sibling. ] You sound like my mother. [ He said softly, dipping down to press his face to the top of her head. Erik wants to accept her support and unconditional belief that Erik had done no wrong, but at the end of the day, it came down to Erik's hand being responsible for the damage, and whether or not it was his consciousness, he couldn't deny that much. ]

Not everyone on the ship is as forgiving as you are, Raven. They'll see it like I do, that it's my hand that caused the entire situation, not the mind controlling it.

[ He makes no intention to move away as it is, leaving her to fulfill her embrace for the time being, drawing a hand up to thread through her hair. It's strange, despite everything, that Erik has her unconditional support, presumably the only person to carry his support throughout everything that has happened so far, and he isn't about to push her away. ]

[darkholme]

Your mother was obviously a brilliant woman.

[ Her voice is quieter, and she's flattered by the comparison, more than she likely should be since he's comparing her to his mother. But she knows, on some level, how much she meant to him, so it's flattery just the same. It takes a good amount of time before she pulls back just a little bit, enough to actually look at him, hands resting on his chest. ]

They don't have to forgive you. But they can't hurt you either, they can't expect you to take the hit for it. I won't-- You can't just let them take this out on you. Promise me you won't.

[swagneto]

[ Laughing softly, Erik tilts his head downwards to catch her face, offering her a slight smile. ] I think I’m better than rolling over to their demands.

[ As she probably knows, Erik never did listen to anyone but Charles in the first place, stubborn as he could be from time to time. No one’s ever hurt Erik before, aside from Shaw, aside from Charles for rejecting him overall, but he’s stronger than most, refusing to let anyone blame him for something he doesn’t do. Her words remind him of that much, that despite how much he blames himself for being weak in the first place, he refuses to be weak to everyone else on the board. One entity was one thing; Erik didn’t need the ship manipulating him entirely.

But it’s the mention of his mother that has Erik wanting to shift topics. He’s never spoken to her before, and this time is no different. Raven’s words help, and Erik is still capable of keeping himself composed, rather than becoming the kind of man who can fall weak at the mention of her. ]

We should sit. [ He gives her hand a light squeeze before moving over to the bed, taking a seat on the edge, watching her. ]