fallasleep: (when the moon sails out.)
roy walker (there are no bandits here). ([personal profile] fallasleep) wrote in [community profile] ataraxionlogs2013-08-17 01:38 pm

out flew the web and floated wide

CHARACTERS: Roy Walker [[personal profile] fallasleep] and anyone who wants to visit him
LOCATION: Medbay
WARNINGS: Suicidal thoughts, depression. The usual with Roy.
SUMMARY: Roy wakes up when he doesn't want to wake up. People visit him.
NOTES: Takes place from 14 Aug to the end of the month. Please put the date down when tagging in, thanks!

[ His eyes are open and he feels cold and he doesn't want either. His throat and chest and stomach ache. Some might think that is a good thing. But pain means he's alive, and that's what Roy doesn't want. He sees the medbay again. He sees his own fingers, curling by his side, and both seem the deepest cruelty anyone can inflict on him.

Roy understands why he lives, though. He hasn't hidden himself well enough. He was too eager. He didn't try his very best to find what he needed. The painkillers should have been stronger. Maybe he should have taken the acid instead of the iodine. Maybe he should have asked for stronger alcohol. Maybe he should have just taken a scalpel instead of... Maybe, maybe, maybe. A thousand of them and no way that he can fix it.

(But he was so desperate. He is still desperate. He will have to try again, as soon as possible. He knows that.)

He stares in front of him. Straight ahead. No matter the sounds, no matter who looks. He simply stares emptily.

His throat hurts. (There's a part of himself that's happy about that.) He can't speak, though he still has his tablet by his side. ]
sweetbreads: (I think I'll eat your heart)

Late on the 14th

[personal profile] sweetbreads 2013-08-17 07:20 am (UTC)(link)
[ Lecter comes when it's quiet, soft footed, all but silent, as though a cat or a serpent creeping in to smother its prey. He leans across the bed, the red in his eyes catching the low lights, and as he decreases the intensity of the bedside lamp he looks down at Roy, thoughtful.

While he lies here, there is no ending him - too open, too public - but that is what Roy wants. Hannibal can't help but find it rude - selfish - both that Roy would waste the life given to him when it was denied to those who deserved it more, to Mischa, while at once having the indecency to fail, wasting the time and energies of those who come to save his life.

Lecter knew that death was no fitting answer to that kind of rudeness; it would be oblivion, deeply satisfying until Roy's struggling heart realised that it was actually happening this time, and fear would overcome joy. It would be too late by then. No--that couldn't be how it ended. It was far more grim for him to survive it, but it would serve another purpose too. If Doctor Fell could save him, then the proof of his good intentions would be undeniable, and with Will Graham on board, the possibility stood that he might need to prove himself sooner rather than later--one man's word against another's.

He looked down, finding Roy's eyes, and sat close beside him. If others were working in the quiet medbay tonight, he had no intention of them hearing their conversation.
]

Hello, Roy. My name is Doctor Fell.
sweetbreads: (Big square cage)

[personal profile] sweetbreads 2013-09-07 02:26 pm (UTC)(link)
To assess your chances, naturally. It would be a shame to facilitate your recovery, only to see sickbay's hard work frittered away on petulance. A waste of both our time and yours, don't you agree?

[ Forthright and direct, cutting and cold. Roy is lying in recovery, but Hannibal will not lie to him. He finds the young man's attitude distasteful, impossibly rude, but as a practical psychiatrist he also sees an opportunity. On board the Tranquility, nobody has any evidence that he is good at what he does--what better opportunity to prove himself?

First, though, he needs to convince Roy to open up to him. He's studied his network activity. The promise that there might be something more sinister to Hannibal's curiosity would provide potential intrigue, and from there he stood more chance of building a doctor-client relationship than he might if he approached from a pitying standpoint. No... Roy wouldn't respond well to that at all. He had contempt for himself, and he would see anyone that didn't as simply lying about their distaste. It was no platform of trust to begin from.
]

What is it that you think I want? If you were in my shoes, looking down at you now--tell me, should I be feeling disgust or pity? Which would you prefer?

[ Picking up the pad with Roy's notes, Hannibal pretended to read them, eyebrows raised. Not looking directly at Roy was his way of diminishing his presence, while at the same time putting him under no pressure. He could say what he liked, lie if he pleased, Hannibal would be listening intently under the illusion of not particularly caring, and in doing so give him all the space he might need. ]
Edited 2013-09-07 14:29 (UTC)
redhotsummers: ([mutant] energy diaper)

August 17

[personal profile] redhotsummers 2013-08-19 04:05 am (UTC)(link)
You really suck at this whole killing yourself thing.

[Alex is bad at this stuff, sometimes. Hilariously so. But still, he stops by, and pours Roy a glass of water, handing it over, before taking a stop. He had been in, checking on someone else who had been injured on a patrol. No big deal--but seeing Roy here again definitely made him want to stop and talk.]
redhotsummers: ([normal] side eye)

[personal profile] redhotsummers 2013-08-22 02:27 am (UTC)(link)
...is it really that bad?

[Alex has to ask, after a few moments. He's had a shit go of things, in his earlier life. The whole 'jail' thing was...

...well. But he never once thought about offing himself.

He never really begrudged anyone who did. It was selfish, yeah, but sometimes people just needed to get out of the deep shit.

But what was fucking Roy over, he just couldn't tell.]

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throwsdown: (Default)

Sometime before August 22nd, pick a date. ;)

[personal profile] throwsdown 2013-08-19 09:30 am (UTC)(link)
[When Roy is better, at least enough that visitors are allowed, Takeshi will stop in sometime during it — because it's important to make sure that Roy's doing okay, that he's not hurting after whatever accident he had, that he's not in any discomfort. Takeshi thinks maybe he can fluff his pillows for him or maybe ask the doctors there to check his temperature, just in case. That's how you tell if someone's sick or not, right?

He pads over, dragging himself over so that he's leaning on the side of the bed.]


Roy...?

Can I visit? I heard you had'uh accident. I brought some paper and Miffy, if you wanted to read... Everyone sleeps a lot lately. [He frowns deeply.] S'kinda lonely being awake.
throwsdown: (I'm an entirely unscathed sane person)

august 19, sure!

[personal profile] throwsdown 2013-08-21 08:37 am (UTC)(link)
He's a rabbit...

[But he just turns to Roy, staring like he's trying to read something deep and dark and beyond the man's face. Eventually, he looks a little sad.]

You hurt your voice bad?

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mindtricks: (âš– q u i e t)

14th

[personal profile] mindtricks 2013-08-19 04:22 pm (UTC)(link)
[ part of her feels as though she should have known. she had known that he wanted to die, had even known that he was considering suicide (again) — and yet she hadn't expected this. hadn't expected him to do it.

naive, she scolds herself, adds stupid to the list for good measure and holds herself rigidly, head bowed as she stands at the foot of his bed. she should have seen this coming and prevented it, she should have made a difference.

( she knows it isn't her fault. she knows that, cognitively. her emotions are another matter and she feels responsible nevertheless. there's a sense of resentment there, too, that she pushes down: that he'd do this. )

she doesn't understand.
]

Roy.
mindtricks: (âš– e x e c u t i o n e r)

[personal profile] mindtricks 2013-08-20 09:09 pm (UTC)(link)
[ that he's expected, anticipated her presence doesn't surprise her. they have certainly spent enough time together that she would not have stayed away. the triumph coating those words, though, his thoughts — she'd known there was a certain darkness in him, but it's never felt quite so vicious and at the forefront.

it's never made her skin crawl. it does now, especially in combination with the way he says her name, the smile on his lips. the mockery of a lover.

this is far from the first time that someone's thoughts have made her uncomfortable, or the first time that someone gains a sense of pleasure from it. she doesn't let herself react to it, though she cannot help the tension in her shoulders, her expression empty. in moments like this, she draws from her training most of all.

( the law is reason, free from passion, she'd read that somewhere once. she doesn't generally agree, but the idea of emotionless rationality helps at times. )
]

How did you do it? [ she could ask a doctor, she has no doubts they would tell her. she'd rather hear it from him. ]

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sorry 'bout the html

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Dann ist ja gut :3

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Gut so :)

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no worries ever <3

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doc_pompous: (Top three percent)

14th!

[personal profile] doc_pompous 2013-08-19 08:10 pm (UTC)(link)
[He hadn't been entirely sure when Roy would regain consciousness, if at all, so when he sees the man in some state of awareness, he breathes a sigh of relief and makes his way over to his bed.

Simon has a data pad in hand and a concerned look on his face.
]

Good morning. How are you feeling?

[Basically a terrible question.]
doc_pompous: (pic#5020269)

no shhh i love it

[personal profile] doc_pompous 2013-08-22 12:42 am (UTC)(link)
[Simon pointedly doesn't pull up a chair--he hasn't been invited to, after all, and he's a surgeon, not a therapist. It's not his place to investigate the hows and whys of why Roy did what he did, only to make sure he's physically healthy and able to function.]

I'd just like to check your vitals.

[Still, he isn't without compassion. You can't be a very good doctor without it, after all, and even though he's not a therapist, he can at least try.]

I know this is...not what you wanted. Someone found you and brought you in.

[He doesn't feel the need to say that he's instructed that all sharp objects be kept away from Roy's bed, that all medications be carefully monitored, that this is a patient officially on suicide watch. Roy knows all that, most likely.]

We do have several counselors on staff, if you'd like to speak with any of them.

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makalaure: (Default)

aug 18 I guess?

[personal profile] makalaure 2013-08-19 08:18 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Maglor comes to the Medbay from time to time. Or at least, he is starting to get into that habit. It is in part done out of old habit from when he'd still commanded others and been responsible for their wellbeing. He knows enough of healing to be useful - at least with medicine such as it was in his time and among his people. He knows something of treating the injuries of mortals as well, but that which is in the medbay is unfamiliar to him for the most part. But, he supposes, that does not mean he would be entirely useless here. Sometimes the sick and injured need company, after all. Someone to listen or to help pass the time.

So this day finds him in the Medbay, slipping into a room where he can see a patient is resting. He lingers near the door, simply watching for a few moments, assessing Roy's condition from afar. He pays more attention to Roy's face and expression than anything else - is this one who needs company or needs only rest? ]

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elvenking: (The Elvenking of Mirkwood)

August 20th

[personal profile] elvenking 2013-08-20 01:35 am (UTC)(link)
[It took him this long to come visit because he's angry as hell.

Tyke had a point after all. His attempts to help have only been thrown in his face and ended in disaster. It's too personal, and yet not as personal as he thought. Roy isn't where Thranduil was after the war--he's well past it. If Thranduil had ever been as far gone as Roy, he would be dead.

He doesn't know what to say when he arrives, so he mostly hesitates at the foot of the bed and looks pissed. What can he say, anyway? That he's furious and insulted that Roy used him to make an attempt on his own life? That he's sorry he was so grossly wrong about him and failed him so deeply?

Goodbye?

So he stares mutely before deciding he really can't say anything at all. Nothing so final as goodbye, at least, not till he can make that choice a little more rationally. He walks to the bedside table and sets down a linen string with a carved wooden pendant--a butterfly. Then, he turns to go.]

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lordof: (i'm just homesick for a better time.)

14th

[personal profile] lordof 2013-08-20 03:57 am (UTC)(link)
[as soon as the doctor deems him strong enough to see visitors, mairon steps forward to take the seat next to the bed. roy does not know him, perhaps never will, but he should know at least, who saved his life. if saved is the term roy wants to use.

he doesn't speak yet. just waits until his presence is noted or acknowledged.]

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RESUSCITATSE with wordvomits

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but WORDS…

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bemerry: (and mountain tall)

Starting around the 20th and then every day after

[personal profile] bemerry 2013-08-23 01:16 am (UTC)(link)
[ Merry feels as though he has failed, again. The first time, he did nothing but sit silent vigil over Roy as he slept, and once the man began to wake he fled, unable to face him with his own guilt.

He had seen the signs in Frodo, twice over. He should have known. He should have known.

The second time, he sits and watches, still silent, holding out a glass of water should Roy start to cough to hard, hardly noticing if it was accepted or knocked to the floor. Hardly notices when his own arm pains him and shakes like it is rickety, old and broken.

This time he takes a deep breath, but he has been resolved, enough, that it was time he spoke.
]

I had hoped...

[ He feels so foolish, sounds so foolish. He refuses to acknowledge the hot tears gathering in his eyes, the way his shoulders want to shake, the fact that he cares and can't seem to help it, and Merry damns himself for it. ] ... that you would have at least let me say good bye.

[ He scrubs his eyes a bit, with his forearm, but he can't even bring it in himself to smile. ]

That was silly of me to think so, of course it doesn't matter. [ a sniff ] I keep forgetting that I can't just shut the caring off.

[ Meriadoc takes a deep breath and sobers himself, trying to start again. ]

I am sorry. I'm speaking only of my burdens when you have enough of your own to worry about. Forgive me, I don't mean to burden you further.

[ He turns away to fetch two glasses of water, and sips one himself, while setting the other down on the nearby table. ]

If you need any of the water, I'll help you.
Edited 2013-08-23 01:17 (UTC)

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mindtricks: (âš– w o r r i e d)

post-cyllene alsfdk forever late

[personal profile] mindtricks 2013-09-16 07:22 pm (UTC)(link)
[ she's grown up in a mega block, in a mega city, near the radiation wall. gang-related violence and crimes were the norm and there were hardly ever any judges around, not that close to the wall, not when judges can respond to 6% of all major crimes in mega city one only. (that's a number she didn't know until recently.)

she's no stranger to violence. she's no stranger to helplessness, though she's always channeled it into a drive to want to do better in the future, to help, to make a difference. she's seen people skinned and their brains splattered over the concrete floor. she's executed people point blank, carrying out the death sentence. she's fucked with someone's head.

— and still, despite all that, the events on the space station have left her shaken. she's not cynical like riddick who expects trouble and then just shrugs and lets it roll off his back. she's not controlled like dredd for whom the law is everything. she's not like chen and the other corrupt judges who see the city and life as nothing but a meat grinder. she can't close herself off to it and she can't let it make her bitter and cold, she doesn't know how and even if she did, she wouldn't want to.

maybe it's stupid to seek out roy. he isn't stable, he isn't happy or content, chances are that being around him will make her feel worse than she already does. and yet she finds herself walking to the med bay, late after her return, silently settling in the chair by his bed.

maybe he'll tell her a story again. maybe it'll be enough to just not be alone.
]

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